Author: admin

“Aging, she discovered, was just another word for growing, and she was (finally), at last, growing into the person she always meant to be.”

I recently finished reading a wonderful book entitled “The Gift of Years: Growing Old Gracefully”, by Joan Chittister, recommended by my friend and blog follower Kathy T. She and her husband read the book together, chapter by chapter, and found it to be an enlightening experience.

Before I read the book, however, I had been reflecting on this stage of life and how I have been unexpectedly enjoying it! It is said that with age comes wisdom, confidence and ease. I do agree and have come up with some words beginning with the letter “P” to expound on these feelings.

1. P is for Permission: to be you, the authentic person you were meant to be. It is only recently that I have discovered that person and genuinely like her. In the book, the author talks about this stage and the shaping of the soul that occupies us now. “Consciously, or more likely not, we set out to find out for ourselves who we really are, what we know, what we care about and how to be simply enough for ourselves in the world.” We learn it is what is inside of us that is important and we are perfect as we are. Writing my blog has helped me come to this realization.

2. P is for no more People Pleaser: So many years spent taking ski lessons and saying “I don’t care; what do you want to do?” and not pursuing the real me to please others. I went to law school at age 36 to please my dad and married my husband to please both my parents because that is what they wanted for me. Enough!

3. P is for Priority: My mother-in-law Janet was one of the best parts of my marriage (other than my two children). We were always in sync, soul mates in a manner of speaking. A beautiful (inside and out), NYU educated woman who did not see her true value, she was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a terrible man after she divorced at age 52. After twenty years of this abuse, Janet got wise, made herself a priority, and kicked Bernard to the curb at age seventy five. She said the next ten years of her life, living in New York City on Central Park West as a single woman were the best years. We applauded her bravery and guts. I am trying to make myself a priority as well with Janet as my role model. It is a work in progress.

4. P is for No Pressure: to perform. No more job evaluations, teacher observations, job interviews, LSAT Tests or Bar Exams. So many sleepless nights worrying about performance anxiety. In fact, after taking the NYS Bar Exam at age forty, I was physically ill for a week due to stress. (By the way, I passed).

5. P is for Possibilities: Emily Dickinson once said, “We turn not older in years, but newer everyday.” The gift is recognizing our potential in aging, both spiritual and social and knowing what to do with it. We don’t have to wear old roles that defined us for so long. We are no longer pidgeon holed into a group like in high school–nerds, brains, jocks, sluts. We are free to pursue new activities, and make new friends and social connections. In joining Chabad in Stony Brook a few years ago, I made a new, wonderful friend Susan with whom I share many interests.

6. P is for Peace: Time to meditate, sit and think; time to be pensive and thoughtful. Time to appreciate a sunset, to value company. “Time to taste the essence of life rather than concern ourselves with its accessories.” The Gift of Years We have no schedules, no deadlines. We can sit in the library all day or sit by the water and daydream, or play cards with a sick friend. Every morning I walk my dog Linus for as long as we want, without worrying about the time. I love our time together!

7. P is for Physical Abilities that weaken but hopefully our mental capacity does not have to. We learn to make adaptations for the physical limitations such as shorter walks, or water aerobics and yoga rather than zumba or more strenuous exercise.

8. P is for no Period: As a post-menopausal woman, I do not miss my monthly cycle at all. In fact, I consider it to be one of the advantages to aging. Never having to plan vacations around that time of the month, never experiencing embarrassing leakage on white pants in the summer. Good riddance!

9. P is for Playfulness: I love having time to play a game of checkers, have swimming races and play basketball with my grandson. It keeps me active and young at heart.

10. P is for Politics: As I get older, I am much more knowledgeable about politics and the world I will be leaving to my children and grandson Jesse. As a younger woman, I was fairly uninformed and uninterested in politics. I now have the time and the interest and stay up to date with the current state of affairs (which are pretty dismal at best).

11. P is for Posterity: In her book, Joan Chittister declares that we have a responsibility as elders to mentor the generations after us in values and ideals that built society on equality and respect for others. We also have the spiritual responsibility to see life as a “moral force rather than simply a private enterprise”. Wisdom does grow golden with age; share your wisdom with young people!

12. P is for Passer-On of Stories: We are the “tale-bearers” for the younger generations. “We have done our duty to life and our experience can become useful to someone younger”. Without passing on our stories, young people are a group without character, without tradition, without living memory of how and why they came together. I love to tell stories about my twin sister and the traditions my family celebrated during the Jewish holidays so that my grandson appreciates that he is half Jewish. This is very important to me.

We have a choice in our attitude about aging. We can see it as a burden or a gift. I choose the latter. XO Penny

“To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people, and affection of children, to leave the world a bit better, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Your skin has a memory. In ten, twenty, thirty years from now your skin will show the results of how it was treated today. So treat it kindly and with respect.” Jana Elston

I remember long, idyllic days at the beach growing up. I remember fun-filled summer vacations at Long Lake in Maine with my children, swimming all day and sun bathing on the dock. I recently spent a week at Montauk beaches under an umbrella, with a cover up and sun hat, covered in SPF 50 from head to toe.

You see, I am recovering from my second bout of melanoma which was caught early (due to every three month body checks at the dermatologist) and surgically removed from my leg leaving swelling and stitches behind. (The first was also tiny, on the back of my arm with the scar to prove it.) I am one of the lucky ones, as untreated melanoma can be fatal.

In fact, the rates of melanoma skin cancer have tripled in the last thirty-five years. Reasons for this trend are unclear as are the strategies to prevent the deadly cancer. We don’t know the exact cause, but risk factors include family history, indoor tanning, fair skin, freckles, moles, ultraviolet radiation and the number of severe sunburns as a child (ding ding ding).

I have done more research since writing my blog post on mineral v. chemical sunscreen last summer and have some updates and interesting truths about sunscreen to share.

First, sunscreen alone doesn’t prevent skin cancer. You need to wear a hat, and wear protective clothing, along with limiting time in the sun. Check out Wallaroo hat company in Colorado for an excellent assortment of hats recommended by the Skin Care Foundation. Many of their hats have UPF (Ultraviolet Protection Factor) 30 or 50 and beautiful styles. And you all know how I feel about hats!

Second, a high SPF content in a sunblock is very misleading. For example an SPF 100 only marginally protects you more and longer than an SPF 30. Many people apply that SPF 100 and mistakenly feel that this will protect them in the sun for the entire day. There is not much difference between the 30 and 100 SPF. Use the SPF 30 and make sure to reapply every two hours while in the sun. However, do not rely on SPF in your foundation alone, as the sunscreen becomes diffused when mixed with other ingredients. Use the sunblock first, and then the foundation when you are going to spend time in the sun.

Watch out for Vitamin A, which is common in sunblocks. The ingredients will state retinol, retinol palmitate or retinol acetate. This has proven to have the reverse effect; Vitamin A can cause skin damage when mixed with sunlight. Make sure to carefully read the ingredients before purchasing a sunscreen product.

Avoid products with oxybenzone, which is commonly included in most chemical sunscreens. The European Union has banned the use in their products. (The EU has banned the use of 1,328 chemicals, while the US has only banned 11.) Oxybenzone is controversial in sunscreen as it has never been properly researched and may lead to cancer, genetic mutations and birth defects. For this reason, it is always better to purchase a mineral sunscreen (with titanium dioxide) rather than a chemical sunscreen with oxybenzone!

Moreover, make sure that your sunscreen is broad spectrum, meaning that it blocks both UVA and UVB rays in order to be effective. Free radicals in UVA rays damage skin cells and may cause skin cancer.

Because we are urged to use sunblock every day, make sure that you are not deficient in Vitamin D; twenty-five percent of Americans are low in D, which could lead to depression, fatigue, joint and muscle pain, low energy and even weight gain. Your doctor can check your levels with a blood test.

Some mineral (physical) sunscreens to try are the following: 100% Pure Body Sunscreen Stick, 100% Pure Everywhere Sun Stick, and Aveeno Positively Mineral Sensitive Face Sunscreen Lotion, Clinique SPF50 Mineral Sunscreen for Face.

I like Anti-Aging (hate that word)Armour Tinted Sunscreen SPF 50 by IT Cosmetics, a broad spectrum physical sunscreen which includes peptides, niacin, hydrolyzed collagen, hyaluronic acid and antioxidants with a subtle hint of color (unlike their CC Cream which is also 50 SPF, but heavier, more like a foundation). While you are on the It Cosmetics website, check out the Confidence in a Cream moisturizer, my new fave. It is $17.00 for the travel size. In fact, everything is 20% off until August 23, 2020 for the Friends and Family event. I am not an affiliate for their products and unfortunately receive nothing for my recommendations. Just saying………

Be good to your skin. You’ll wear it every day for the rest of your life! (Rene Rouleau). XO Penny

“Running through the sprinklers; chasing down the ice cream truck; riding bikes with friends around the neighborhood; swinging so high the poles lifted up out of the ground; picking blueberries; catching fireflies.” (from Facebook)

I miss being a child during the summer. Such happy, carefree days. Life is so complicated and scary now. Ice cream takes me back to those days and gives me comfort and peace, even for a little while. And that is why I eat some every day!

Always loving ice cream, my memories are laden with ice cream stories. Waiting for what seemed like hours with my twin sister on the front lawn for the Good Humor man to arrive at our house. Would I choose a chocolate eclair or a strawberry shortcake?

When we were my grandson’s age (about 10), my dad would play pinochle every Tuesday night at his friend’s ice cream shoppe. We would stay up really late waiting for him to bring hot fudge sundaes with coffee ice cream, wet walnuts, whipped cream and a cherry on top. That was heaven!

Or the trips to Carvel (yes, it was around then) to try this newfangled brown bonnet which we loved. Now, however, I am an ice cream purist–no hot fudge, or toppings to spoil the taste for me. This summer it may be a soft ice cream twist from Ralph’s, jamocha fudge from Friendly’s, homemade butter pecan at Strong Island or left to my own devices at home, some Talenti Wild berry gelato from Whole Foods, or if desperate, a premade cone. If it’s cold, creamy and satisfying, I am there!

My adult children (and boyfriend) make fun of me and say “mom is in the ice cream zone” when I get this faraway look on my face and they can’t reach me. It’s as if I am in a joyful trance! Life is difficult today and I am one who would rather eat my calories than drink them. Two good friends, one of whom is facing some health challenges, agree that a daily dose of ice cream does wonders to improve your mood.

In fact, neuroscientists at the Institute of Psychiatry in London scanned the brains of people eating vanilla ice cream. They found an immediate effect on the parts of the brain known to activate when people enjoy themselves, including the orbitofrontal cortex processing area in front of the brain. Just one spoonful lights up the happy zones of the brain in clinical trials!

But is it unhealthy to eat ice cream daily, as my son keeps reminding me? I found information to the contrary, thank goodness. You can eat ice cream every day and still lose weight. ( I have a vision of many women jumping in the air right now). That creamy goodness which brings us sheer joy and comfort can be good for us if part of an otherwise healthy diet.

According to an ABC News article, women who had one scoop of low fat ice cream a day lost 26% more body weight than those who didn’t, due to the calcium in the frozen dessert. Eating foods rich in calcium help to keep your body strong and your metabolism running well.

Ice cream contains vitamins and minerals. Milk and cream are good sources of calcium, vitamin D, riboflavin, vitamin A and phosphorus. It depends on the flavor you choose, as well. Vanilla beans have antioxidants as well as small amounts of calcium, manganese, potassium, zinc and iron. Dark chocolate is loaded with antioxidants and has flavonoids to protect your heart, oleic acid to lower cholesterol levels, and phytochemicals which fight off free radicals.

Moreover, ice cream stimulates the brain. A study conducted in Tokyo demonstrated that having ice cream for breakfast increases dopamine levels in the body making us more alert and awake. It gives you energy, as it is packed with sugar containing glucose, a key nutrient providing our bodies with fuel to get us through the day. ( Sugar is good for us????????)

According to this article, the calcium in ice cream helps build strong bones and teeth. Our bodies do not naturally produce calcium. As a form of fermented dairy, it helps to protect the body from gastrointestinal and respiratory infections. The stronger your gut, the stronger your immune system will be.

As we all know, ice cream makes us happier and comforts us. It is sometimes prescribed for people who suffer from Seasonal Affective disorder in winter. It produces serotonin, the feel good hormone.

According to the blog post at littlethings.com, ice cream boosts your libido because it is high in phosphorus which gives tissues oxygen, maintains our PH balance and libido. It states that full fat ice cream increases your chances of fertility. One study revealed that women who consumed one or more servings of high fat dairy had 27% fewer ovulation issues.

Now, I am not a doctor, nor do I know for sure if this article is exaggerated or even “fake news”. But I do know that ice cream is good for the psyche and the soul, and we all could use a bit of that right now. As Charles Shulz proclaimed, “Life is like an ice cream cone. You have to lick it one day at a time.”

“If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is is the one you are living. Wherever you are, if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you all the time”. Joseph Campbell

Last Saturday morning, I watched an interview on CBS that piqued my interest and got me thinking about following your passion. Mark Linen, an African American began an online baking company, leaving behind his earlier dream of graphic design and his job of driving a truck to pay his bills. His company name is “Brotha Bakes” and baking was his passion since watching his mom “perform her magic with sugar, eggs, flour and a few other simple ingredients”. Linen felt God wanted something else for him and he wanted to inspire his young sons and create a legacy for them.

He fills his jars with signature cakes creatively named Choco Khan, Banana Ross, Mariah Carrot and Reddie Murphy (red velvet cake) along with special brownies.

My son Keith discovered his passion in a different way, sort of by accident. He was floundering in his twenties, not really knowing what he wanted to do. Keith tried auto sales, puppy sales and even a stint as a personal trainer. A chance meeting at the gym with our Allstate insurance broker who offered him a sales position and free training led him to discover his passion–he loved the insurance business!

I started thinking about my bliss that I discovered in the past two years—writing. Writing has always been part of my life. I was a French major in college and wrote many comparative literature essays during that time. My first job after college was secretary to the Social Science editor at Cambridge University Press. Part of my duties was to read manuscripts and write synopsis. As a paralegal, I was responsible for writing briefs and memoranda of law.

Even in elementary school, I was fascinated with words and excelled at sentence diagramming, a lost art. (I still cringe when I hear “I should have went” instead of the correct “I should have gone”).

My sister Jill loved to write and frame creative poems as birthday gifts. These were treasured by friends and family who received one. Unfortunately, she never wrote one for me. She later started a business called Jill’s Jingles, for which I became her grammar consultant (unpaid, of course). Jill would write poems for candle lighting ceremonies at bar mitzvahs, birthdays and anniversary poems and even erotic poems for a nurse to send to her doctor/lover. Who knew?

However, I never realized writing was my passion until I began writing my blog in January, 2019. If you follow my blog, you know that I write a lot about not having had a voice in my younger years. Part of that stemmed from being the shy twin and not having the confidence to stand up for myself.

Now, with my blog, I not only have a voice, but I also have an audience, people who seem to enjoy what I write. What a wonderful feeling to read your positive comments and to hear that you look forward to reading my posts! This creative writing is different that the writing I did for my jobs in the past and I am loving every minute of it.

Even in Judaism, the Torah gives us the same advice, to follow your bliss. The question “Which is the right path for man to choose for himself” is answered as follows: “Whatever is harmonious for the one who does it and harmonious for other people”.

You may be asking yourself, “How do I find my bliss? I haven’t a clue”. Joseph Campbell, mythologist, writer and teacher first coined the phrase follow your bliss in his book “Hero With a Thousand Faces”. He meant pursuing who you really are and understanding your connection to the human family. Campbell was also referring to losing yourself in the rapture of life’s experience.

In order to find your bliss, you need what Campbell called a “sacred space; or a place of creative incubation; a quiet space in your mind; a room or a certain hour in the day; a place where you can bring forth what you are and what you might be”. Try to disconnect with the world around you–no distractions, no negative news programs; silence the constant parade of thoughts.

Be patient with yourself–do not have an agenda or a plan. Tapping into your quiet space is learned through practice. Face your fear of failure and judgment head on and let them go.

Your next question may very well be, “am I too old to follow my bliss?” Au contraire, mon amie. One of the gifts so valuable about getting older is that competition and comparison mean much less than before. “It is immersion in the experience and surrender to the moment of creativity and joy that are valuable”. Stephanie Raffelock

The art of making something whether it is a special meal or a scrapbook or a garden or a photograph creates joy which creates a sense of purpose–to create our personal best.

Don’t waste another moment. Now is the perfect time for destination joy! XO Penny

Resources

How to Find Your Bliss: Joseph Campbell On What it Takes to Have a Fulfilling Life Brainpickings.org

Finding the Roadmap to Your Destination Joy thetimelifeblog.com

Follow Your Bliss Sideroadcoaching.ca

Are You Too Old To Follow Your Bliss by Stephanie Raffelock Sixtyandme.com

“The right hat may enliven our imagination of the past, an old-fashioned cloche, a picture hat or a toque trimmed with a pouf of polka dotted veiling is just enough to make us feel as if we were living in another romantic age.”

I bet you thought I was going to title the blog post “Wear a Mask”. I am tired of thinking about masks, and MAGA hats, about numbers of deaths from COVID 19 and the terrible inequality that exists in our country. I want to be transported to another time and place. What about the movies and iconic hats in film through the decades?

Remember Audrey Hepburn’s black chapeau du matin in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961) with the long silk scarf as a headband reflecting the drama and mystery of Holly Golightly’s chararacter. Or Faye Dunaway’s signature beret in Bonnie and Clyde (1967) a nod to the French new wave films of the early 1960’s. Julie Christie sparked a fashion revolution known as the Zhivago look marked by fur hats from the film Dr. Zhivago in 1965.

What about Audrey Hepburn’s character Eliza Doolittle’s colossal chapeau worn to the Ascot racecourse after her makeover. (This hat was sold at auction in 2011 along with her dress for 3.7 million dollars after being in Debbie Reynolds costume collection.) Reminiscent was Julia Roberts’ Pretty Woman low crowned straw hat with polka dot silk headband to match her brown and white polka dot dress worn to the races. I loved everything about that 1990 film, especially Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.

One of my favorite movies of all time was Woody Allen’s Annie Hall. I was especially fond of Diane Keaton’s big brimmed bowler, the men’s-wear inspired look that came out of her own closet (1977). Another favorite movie of mine was Love Story with Ali McGraw. I was in my last year of college in 1970 and emulated her funky look with the knit beanie hat (also from her own closet), and effortless sense of style.

But who can forget Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca in 1942. His classic fedora and her alluring picture hat rendered the scene at the airport unforgettable. My mom had told me that women purchased hats in the 1940’s to look chic but also to forget about the war! Millinery shops were extremely popular at that time.

Other iconic hats from films abound, such as Anne Hathaway’s stylish newsboy cap in the Devil Wears Prada in 2006 and way back in 1929 Louise Brooks’ Pandora’s Box with her bobbed haircut and cloche bell shaped hat emblematic of the roaring twenties. She became the eternal “It” girl of the flapper era.

Personally, I always loved hats. I kind of have a hat face–my sister used to call it wide and Slavic ( from our Polish/Russian background). Lilly Dache, a French born milliner who established a flourishing hat business in the U.S. with her made-to-order creations summed it up as follows:

“A hat is an expression of a woman’s soul. It is something that she wears on her head, but it belongs to her heart. It is the keynote of her personality, the finishing touch that makes her look beautiful, smart and sure of herself.”

Wearing a hat is a bold statement, especially for me. Let me explain why. When I was married, my husband was very critical and judgmental. I recall an incident when we were about to meet another couple to spend a beautiful autumn day outdoors at an art/craft show. I had chosen a jaunty hat which matched my outfit and was looking forward to the outing. George took one look, and stated, “you’re not leaving the house in that hat, are you?” Crestfallen, I removed the hat and proceeded to have an awful day. It was my own fault. I did not have the voice in those days, or the confidence to answer “Yes, I have every intention of wearing the hat. Sorry if you don’t like it!”

That would never happen today as clearly I found my voice when I chose to divorce him at age 52. Subsequent to the divorce, I purchased an entire wardrobe of hats which I wear proudly and often.

Clearly, hats are functional as well, especially in summertime as protection from the harmful rays of the sun, from changing your hair color to a garish orange or in my case turning the silvers to a brassy blonde. Hats are a great way to experiment with prints and embellishments, as some accents look better in small quantities. So try a zebra print or color blocked bucket hat, a tie dyed purple floppy brim hat, a lime green woven hat or a distressed pink baseball cap. Maybe, just maybe, it will transport you to another place and time and take your mind off the present! XO Penny

“Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, storytellers and singers of songs”. Pam Brown

My father grew up very poor, the ninth child born to Russian immigrant Jewish parents in Philadelphia. His own father took his life when my dad was only three, thus Leonard only finished 6th grade. He sold newspapers on the street to help make ends meet, but was street smart and a born salesman from the start.

A singer of songs, he formed a trio called The Three Swanks in his twenties and their famous song was “The Love Bug Will Bite You if You Don’t Watch Out”. I am sure you all remember it well! My favorite was “Pennies From Heaven” which he called my theme song, (later to be replaced by “Penny Lane” by the Beatles). He would embarrass my sister and I constantly by singing and dancing in public, a trait which I seem to have inherited.

Leonard Greenberg was handsome and charming, a real storyteller and joke teller, but nutty and crazy at times. One example comes to mind. Every Sunday we would go to the China Jade restaurant for dinner. Dad would eat dinner, belch loudly, and say “that was pure slop. Remind me not to come back here!”. The next Sunday we would be back.

His jokes were corny: be true to your teeth or they’ll be false to you; my friend has turnsta. What is turnsta you might ask? Everything he eats turnsta shit. He was warm and loving and always could be seen holding my mom’s hand or squeezing my sister and me.

Leonard became an insurance salesman and felt looking dapper was part of the job. He was into the latest fashion and purchased expensive suits even when we did not have the money. After the movie Gidget came out, dad cut off his dungarees (that’s what we called them then) to resemble “The Great Kahuna” surfer in the movie and wore them all summer long. He was definitely a character.

Being poor as a child had a tremendous effect on my dad’s life. He showed his love with food, tons of food. He was more the Jewish mother than my mom. He had worked in a Jewish deli/appetizing store as a teen and loved catering and feeding people, the more nova and white fish the better. I remember many a family barbecue when my father would say “if everyone takes four more pieces of London broil and two more hot dogs, we will finish it. We had to indulge him and all left the table stuffed.

We were a musical family, listening to albums like Oklahoma, South Pacific and The King and I and sang harmony to songs by Peter, Paul and Mary. Dad was a good dancer and Jill and I inherited his singing and dancing genes.

Unfortunately, we inherited other genes that were not as pleasant. Dad suffered from anxiety and depression throughout his life, as did his sister Peg, who was kept in a closet. My mom told us that she was advised by friends not to marry him because of this. There was (and still is) such a stigma about mental illness. There were many days he would stay home from work “with a bug”, my mom would say. We never understood until we were older the extent of his problems.

Because of these issues, my dad was not an adventurer or a risk taker. He had many phobias, including travel. After my sister Jill moved to London, however, he fought his fears and visited many times. My mom would reminisce about these trips to London and Paris when he felt mentally at his best. He died way too young at the age of sixty eight of a rare form of lymphoma.

Leonard Greenberg lives on in my son Keith. Keith resembles my handsome father, possesses his warm heart, his quirky personality, his gift of gab and has carried on the insurance tradition by opening his own insurance brokerage, KMB Coverage. He’s not a bad singer or dancer, either. Dad would be so proud!

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers, grandfathers, uncles and would be dads out there! Here’s to you……….XO Penny

“Do something uncomfortable today by stepping out of your box. You don’t have to settle for what you are–you get to create who you want to become.”

I know it’s hard to believe, but I took the same beginner’s ski lesson for twenty years. I hated skiing and was fearful of falling, but I felt my now ex-husband would love me more if only I could ski. Foolish me! Mount Snow, Stowe, Okemo, Bosquet, even Steamboat Springs, Colorado. Me in the beginner class on the bunny slope, never advancing. Me, not eating meals or sleeping well, too nervous for the next morning’s ski lesson. What a relief when I gave my skis, boots and poles to my friend Elayne and allowed myself the opportunity to relax in the ski lodge, read a book, and drink hot cocoa. Oh, the mistakes I made when I was younger. Never again will I do something I hate to please a man!

Why does this come to mind and why now? Well, I want to start something new– yoga, for me, for my health, to improve my strength, balance and flexibility. I have been putting it off for awhile. What is stopping me?

Researching this topic, I found an article on point that resonated with me and addressed many of my concerns.

1. Fear of failure: Flashback to ski lessons (Penny falling off the chairlift and not being able to get up on skis to move out of the way and not get hit by the oncoming chair)! With yoga, I am fearful that I am not flexible enough or strong enough. As an advanced yoga practitioner, my daughter Jamie reminds me, that is just the reason why I need to do it! She asked me not flexible or strong compared to whom? I think of yoga as involving a progression from simple to more complex positions and success would be moving through each move. I am now learning that it is not like martial arts where your success is measured by how you progress through the belt colors. “It is a personal journey and the only important questions is what does my body, mind and soul need today”. There is no such thing as failing at yoga. Phew, that’s a relief! I can let go of that fear.

2. Fear of embarrassment: This is supposedly the most direct fear most women over sixty suffer from when it comes to gentle yoga. Women of all ages suffer from a lack of confidence regarding their bodies. Older women have the added fear of looking out of place in a room full of twenty or thirty somethings. Margaret Manning, in her article, suggests that the only way to deal with this fear is to gain confidence by exposure. She suggests her Gentle Yoga Videos to build confidence before you join a large class. She adds that eventually you will realize that everyone in the class is too busy worrying about what they are doing to pay attention to you.

3. Fear of our own emotions: At this age, we have become good at hiding certain emotions from the world–frustration, sadness, anxiety. Yoga can bring these emotions to the surface, according to the articles. As you hold a difficult pose, involving some pain or discomfort, you may feel frustrated, sad or even angry. We can embrace these natural emotions rather than hiding them.

4. Fear of pain or discomfort: These are exactly the reasons to start yoga as an older adult. Pain is only information that is telling you how far you can go in each position and where you need to focus your practice.

5. Fear of the unknown: Someone said that yoga is as deep as the ocean and means many different things. Fear of the unknown can be a catalyst for change or can chain you to the past. I am comfortable and confident when doing Zumba, because I love to dance, but need to step out of my comfort zone to try something new.

Exercise physiologists confirm that yoga meets most of the physical activity guidelines for older adults. It improves strength, flexibility and balance which is another big concern for us as older adults. ( I already have two falls with broken wrists at two different times, and do not want to go through any more).

Yoga practice can reduce hypertension and provide mental benefits as well–reduced stress and anxiety, enhanced mood and a sense of well being. Another advantage is the community that forms around it.

I realize now that everyone has unique challenges and opportunities. Yoga is about doing what you can. There is no finish line. Everyone is an individual. Because of my wrist issues, I have problems getting up to a standing position from the floor without a chair or piece of furniture. I plan to start with chair yoga to build confidence, build strength and hopefully more mobility and then proceed from there. I promise to keep you posted on my yoga journey. I’m off to start the Chair Yoga Video. XO Penny

Resources

The Ultimate Gentle Yoga Program for Older Adults 3 in 1 bundle $46.00 DVD/Online streaming 10 hours contains Chair Yoga, Gentle Yoga and Yoga Flows Go to sixtyandmeshop.com (This is what I purchased–I do not receive any compensation for plugging this)

Yoga For Seniors, The Complete Guide vivehealth.com

Five Fears That Stop Older Adults From Trying Gentle Yoga, Margaret Manning sixtyandme.com

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday to put someone else’s happiness ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you are not sure what the right thing is and to forgive yourself over and over again for doing everything wrong.”

Dear Jamie and Keith,

I am thinking about Mother’s Day differently this year. Instead of wanting to be appreciated for being a good mom, I feel totally appreciative to have had the opportunity to be your mom. Maybe the change came about because of the uncertain and scary times we are going through, or maybe it is my age, or maybe just because……

I love a thoughtful gift, or when you send me flowers, or wash my car, or make me a special dinner. But I love being your mother most of all.

I can’t think of anything else in my life that compares to the joy I have felt as your mom. The job is a labor of love and has grown and shaped me in ways I never could have imagined. Being a mother to you two has taught me strengths I didn’t know I had and how to deal with fears I didn’t know existed.

Like most moms, I gave my all to mothering, even though I felt unprepared and clueless. I did promise myself early on not to repeat two things that my mother had done, and I hope I was successful in carrying out this promise.

I vowed to always apologize to you when I was wrong or made a mistake. My mother never ever said she was sorry to my sister and I when we were growing up, and this left a huge impact on us both. (She finally did apologize at age 92 for giving away our beloved bulldog puppy when we were 7).

In addition, I promised to be a good communicator and never stop talking to you, even when angry. My mother was notorious for slamming drawers and cabinets (so that you knew she was upset about something) for weeks on end and refused to tell you why. You got the silent treatment e.g. no conversation, which was extremely anxiety producing, to say the least.

In fact, I cherish the open communication we have as you have both grown into good, kind, ethical responsible adults. I see the open, loving communication, Jamie that you have with Jesse, which makes me proud and happy. You are a wonderful mother.

Being a mother brings you strength, resolve and resiliency, all especially needed in a world such as the one we face today. It has taught me the power of prayer and positivity. I never stopped praying and believing that you Jamie and your family would return from California to live in New York (even after 15 years). I never stopped praying and believing that you Keith would return to good health after your ordeal and both my prayers were answered.

Today, on Mother’s Day, I thank you for the tremendous gift and honor of being your mother. I cherish my relationship with both of you and could not imagine a life without you in it!

Love,

Mom

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time”.

Sunday was my birthday. Birthdays are like life. Some birthdays are life-changing, wonderful events that give our lives meaning. The day I was born, for example. On April 19, 1949, Bette and Leonard Greenberg were happily expecting one baby. Ten minutes later, I followed my sister into the world. The obstetrician charged an extra penny for my delivery and that is how I got my name. Yes, my real name is Penny, not Penelope or Priscilla. I love that story!

Or my last year’s big birthday trip to Israel–definitely wonderful and meaningful. Other birthdays are ordinary, or even terrible, unforgettable in a negative way, like my thirtieth birthday when I had stomach poisoning. Or April 19, 1993 when Waco Texas went up in flames, or April 19, 1995, the day of the Oklahoma City bombing of the federal building killing one hundred and sixty-eight people, including nineteen children.

I wondered, “what would this birthday be like in the age of Covid 19?” The coronavirus is definitely a party pooper. People are trying to celebrate their birthday, but social distancing won’t let them–no more hugs or kisses under quarantine. I did some research and Good Housekeeping magazine had eleven virtual birthday party ideas.

Show your love with a card. Send an e-card using services like Hallmark e-cards or Paperless Post.

Make a Happy Birthday video montage using a service like Tribute. Ask friends and family to record all their birthday wishes and Tribute will put them together and mail your birthday person a video card. It’s like a traditional audio card that has a thin video screen.

Host a virtual birthday party on Zoom. Set up a meeting on Zoom and invite all your friends for a virtual happy hour. Tell the guest of honor to sign on a little later than everyone else and sing Happy Birthday, when they log on. My boyfriend’s daughter set up a Zoom party for her three year old’s birthday party. We were all on board to sing and watch adorable Averie eat her cake.

Deliver champagne to their doorstep. Try a site like ReserveBar available in many parts of the country.

Host a Netflix party. If you love movies, download a Netflix Party extension in Chrome. You and friends can watch the same movie at the same time plus a chat room so you can discuss the film after.

Do a drive by or have a birthday parade. My daughter’s friend planned such an event for her nine year old son. Everyone decked out their car with banners and signs and balloons and honked and yelled happy birthday.

Take a virtual trip to the museum. Learn something new. You can see exhibits at the Louvre, the Vatican or the San Diego Zoo. Set up a group chat.

Write them a song or poem and present it via video chat.

Get glam. Set a theme for your virtual party like Hollywood glam or rock and roll and dress the part.

Send a dessert. Support a local bakery or restaurant by ordering delivery of a special cake or a decadent dessert from your favorite place.

Do a group workout at home. Dozens of yoga studios, gyms, Zumba instructors are offering free live streaming workouts. Have everyone log on to the same one and connect on Zoom for brunch after.

I loved these ideas! I also loved a picture someone posted of a white cake in the shape of a roll of toilet paper with three round brown (presumably chocolate) balls surrounding the cake. Very creative!

How did I celebrate? My daughter had our immediate family and my boyfriend over for a late lunch of meatball pizza, yummy salad and Carvel cake in the back yard. We appropriately distanced and refrained from the usual hugging and kissing. My grandson learned how to play Happy Birthday on the piano and serenaded me twice. I received beautiful flowers, but realized that the love of family is the only birthday gift I will ever need. It reminded me of this quote I shared on Facebook. “I think that when the dust settles, we will realize how little we need, how very much we actually have, and the value of human connection”.

“Because time itself is like a spiral. Something special happens on your birthday each year–the same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again”. Menachem Mendel Schneerson

We can’t pretend that there is not a worldwide pandemic. We can’t change the fact that our lives are altered or deny that it will take time to recover. But we can choose how we think about it and what our mindset is. And in choice, there is power.

We can choose to see the isolation as an act of love. All over the world people are staying in their homes with the sole purpose of stopping the spread of the virus. Everyone is united in this one purpose. This shift in mindset can help to lift our mood.

Similarly, we can change one word to shift our mindset. Change “have” in our daily discourse to “get”. I have to stay home because of social distancing and our country’s isolation policy becomes I get to stay home to protect my community from the spread of the coronavirus. I have to cancel all my appointments becomes I get to reschedule my appointments and now I have more time to write my book. I have to stop eating out with my boyfriend becomes I get to order delivery and support local businesses (and try all those recipes I have been collecting on Pinterest).

The most difficult challenge to everyone facing a pandemic is existential in that “it refers to your ability to face a crisis with competence and understanding of where your life is now and where it may be going after it is over”. This existential crisis tests your strength and your resilience. This is a time to take stock of who we are. “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened”. It is a difficult challenge, but knowing yourself reduces panic and anxiety.

As baby boomers, we have the luxury of taking time to process our feelings and to reflect on the present and how it may change our future. Unlike our adult children, we are not balancing the demands of working from home with home schooling children. And millennials are feeling pressure now to “organize every room in the home, become an expert home chef, write a prize winning novel and get in shape with internet pushup challenges. “The internet wants you to believe you aren’t doing enough with all that extra time you have now, but staying home and attending to your basic needs is plenty”. We all need to practice self care during these challenging times.

Some good advice on managing your emotional health during difficult times is the following:

Align your needs with what is happening in the present.

Analyze your resources e.g. what is available to you in the present.

Stay in the present–worry will not help to end the crisis any sooner.

Be with your own thoughts and process your feelings without being reactive.

Stay calm; think of the crisis as a human correction in your life. Every crisis shakes loose the old order and demands a review of old mindsets and opinions.

Are you sensing a pattern here? present, present, present. We have time to deal with the future. As a previous lifelong worrier, two events cured me of that terrible affliction: my twin sister’s untimely death and taking the Dale Carnegie course after law school graduation at the age of forty.

Aside from Carnegie’s positive affirmation regarding making lemonade when life throws you lemons, I live by his advice to “live in day tight compartments”. We need to discipline ourselves to focus our thinking on the here and now and taking action. We can all get through one day at a time.

Sending virtual hugs to you all. Stay safe and healthy! XO Penny

“You didn’t make it this far by giving up when the going got tough. The future will be filled with challenges waiting to become opportunities. Embrace them!” Margaret Manning, Sixtyandme.com

Resources

“How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, by Dale Carnegie

“Stop Trying to Be Productive”, by Taylor Lorenz The New York Times

“Manage Your Mental and Emotional Health in Difficult Times”, by Joan Francis Moran sixtyandme.com

“Three Mindset Shift Strategies to Help Any Extrovert Settle in the Time of Coronavirus”, by Jude Walsh sixtyandme.com