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“This is an unprecedented time, a once in a one hundred year pandemic. A time for us to be level-headed, open-hearted, and focus on what we can do to protect ourselves, our families, our communities and our country and be kind to each other. A time to hunker down with family, to take care of ourselves, to cook and cherish the people and things we love. The more we can face the threat with calm and kindness, the better able we will be to survive and thrive.” Dr. Mark Hyman

This is a difficult blog to write, but I need to write it. Writing helps me sort things out. And I need to connect with you all at this scary time. By now we all know about social distancing, practicing good hygiene, staying home and protecting those at risk. I turned to the experts to see what else we can be doing to protect ourselves and to remain sane during this pandemic.

Dr. Mark Hyman in an article “How to Protect Yourself from COVID-19 discusses the importance of supporting your immune system when you may need it most. He reminds us that to support your immune system, let food be your medicine.

1. Eat a whole foods, nutrient dense diet. Visit drhyman.com/blog/category/recipes for some of his favorites. Check out his suggestions for companies with healthy options if you would like to order food: thrivemarket.com, butcherbox.com, vitalchoice.com, grassrootscoop.com.

2. Limit sugars and refined starches to help your immune system function better and your health improve. (He said cut out sugars which I changed to limit–we need to eat Edie’s French Silk Ice Cream and homemade baked brownies to stay sane in isolation!!!!!) Dr. Hyman has a free download 10 Day Reset. Go to www.getfarmacy.com/free.

3. Eat adequate amounts of protein–critical for immune function. Eat two four ounce servings of organic animal protein. I have been eating Fage plain Greek yogurt with blueberries for breakfast. Find recipes on line or on Pinterest for egg muffins made in muffin tins with eggs, ham, cheese, spinach and whatever else you have in the refrigerator.

4. Add garlic, onions, ginger and spices (oregano, turmeric, rosemary) to your meals. They offer a wide spectrum of antimicrobial properties.

5. Eat multiple servings of colorful fruits and veggies high in Vitamin C, A, and phytonutrients that support your immune system. (two servings of fruit and eight servings of fruits and vegetables).

6. Eat fermented foods to support your microbiome and immunity–sauerkraut, kimchi, plain yogurt and kefir.

7. Drink plenty of fluids, especially warmer fluids. Make soups and broths from scratch with fresh vegetables. This is the perfect time to try all those Pinterest recipes like veggie loaded minestrone soup, lemony kale and white bean soup and healthy barley soup that I have saved, but never cooked! Drink herbal teas like ginger and turmeric tea.

8. Get enough sleep–without adequate sleep, optimal immune functions is not possible.

9. Alkalize your body. Sugar and processed foods tend to make your body more acidic and more receptive to COVID-19. Eating lots of whole plant foods (5 to 8 cups daily).

10. Get regular exercise. 30 to 45 minutes daily helps boost your immune system. Exercise outside in less populated areas or find workouts and yoga on line. Zumba Ana is broadcasted her fabulous Zumba workouts on Facebook for her loyal fans. For those of us who have dogs, this is easy. I have continued to walk an hour every morning with Linus and a half hour in the afternoon, while squirrel hunting. Or my friend Emily and her husband have been walking on the beach every day. (In New York, our beaches are not crowded now).

11. Practice meditation and yoga to keep stress down. We know that increased levels of stress increases susceptibility to viral infections. The Open Heart Project is hosting four live meditation gatherings per day for free. There will be a twenty minute guided meditation at 9:00 a.m., 12:00 p.m., 3:00 p.m., and 6:00 p.m. (ET).

12. Take a multivitamin, Vitamin D3 (start with 2,000 IUs for adults or up to 5,000 in winter), buffered Vitamin C to support your immune system (500-1,000 mg throughout the day with meals and snacks). Zinc citrate (30 mg per day is also a powerful immune supporting nutrient.

How do we stay sane during this period of “sheltering in place”? Scott Kelly, a retired NASA astronaut who spent almost a year on the International Space Station provides tips for living in isolation in an opinion piece in the “New York Times”.

First, follow a schedule. This is one I came up with on my own. This will help you and your family adjust to a different work and home life environment. For me, stretch, walk dog, breakfast, shower, write book or blog, walk dog, lunch, read a book, dinner, play Wordscapes on the computer and watch tv. As retirees, we have become adept at this type of scheduling. We are lucky that we do not have to entertain young children at home from school. At least, there are online school activities now for my grandson Jesse, which give my daughter Jamie somewhat of a break. It is difficult for the kids to be home from school all day and they need a schedule as well.

Next, pace yourself….don’t let work take over everything. Take time for fun–binge watch movies complete with snacks. Kelly binge watched Game of Thrones twice in space! I plan to watch Grace and Frankie.

Have a consistent bed time–quality of sleep relates to mood, and interpersonal relations (your family!!!!)

Go outside. Nature is good for your immune system.

Find a hobby. Read books, practice an instrument, try a craft, learn a language (Learn French with Alexa, on line). If shopping is your hobby, request a clean out bag from thredup.com, clean out your closet and sell your new or gently used women or children’s clothes and make money while at home. They pay shipping for the bag. I recently sold some designer handbags I was not using. It’s good for the environment and your pocketbook. You can also buy clothes on that website. (I purchased an almost new leather jacket for $40.00)

Keep a journal. Try describing what you are experiencing with your five senses or write about memories of better times, vacations to take your mind off the present situation.

Take time to connect. Isolation is harmful for our mental health and physical health, especially our immune system. Technology makes it easy to connect with friends and family every day–it might help you fight off the virus.

Listen to the experts. Seek out reputable sources like the World Health Organization and the Johns Hopkins Coronavirus Resource Center.

Remember we are all connected. All people are inescapably interconnected and the more we can come together to solve our problems the better off we will be.

“This pandemic can bring out the best in us or the worst. It is a time for kindness, for calling friends, for FaceTime with family or hunkering down with loved ones and family in your home, cooking meals from scratch and for finding ways to help those in need.” Dr. Mark Hyman

Stay safe, healthy and sane, my friends. Talk soon. XO Penny

“Give yourself the same care and attention that you give to others and watch yourself bloom.”

Check out the following scenarios. Do any of them sound familiar?

Sue has a young child, a spouse and a full time stressful job. She gets up at 5:00 a.m., goes to work, and continues to work at home until 1:00 a.m. She often skips meals and eats a lot of sugar instead. A friend told her she needed to take time for herself and she laughed and said she barely has time to take a shower. How in the world can she take time for herself?

Debra is sandwiched between her aging mother, who demands her attention daily, her daughters who are experiencing life transitions and care for her grandchildren, as well as trying to make time for her husband whose new job comes with its own stress.

John’s ninety year old mother with Alzheimer’s disease lives with him. He works from home and tries to be there for his mom, especially at night when the live in aide sleeps. It takes an emotional toll on him and disturbs his sleeps many nights during the week.

Sam recently received an email from an acquaintance asking if he could stay with Sam while he was visiting New York City. This was someone Sam was not very close to and he had the means to book a hotel. Sam did not feel comfortable having him stay, and did not know how to handle it. What would you do?

Why is it that even though we know it is important to take care of ourselves, we cannot find the time or energy to do it? Why do we always put others first and often put ourselves on the back burner? Why does it sometimes take a major wake up call to notice the toll that this lifestyle takes on us? The major problem is time–we are all busy with our very full lives and don’t have the time to pamper ourselves. With so much to do, self care sometimes feels like an indulgence or worse a selfish act. And it is especially important to take care of yourself when you have the responsibility of caring for someone else, whether it is children, parents or a sick spouse.

The first step to genuine self care is to recognize that self compassion is a crucial part of your emotional, psychological and physical well being. Self compassion is all about balance, not perfection. Ways to get balance are mindfulness practice, therapy and conversations with your friends, spouse and family to help you gain perspective.

Genuine self care involves recognizing and accepting your imperfections. It means making compromises and recognizing that no compromise is perfect. Torn between time with loved ones and time at work or time for yourself and time caring for a loved one? Self compassion involves managing the best you can without criticizing or punishing yourself for not doing things exactly as you would like to do them.

Here are important ideas with regard to the importance of self care:

1. Know your worth: Self care is important to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself. It is also important to remind yourself and others that you and your needs are important. This relates to my later discussion about learning to say no, a big problem of mine.

2. Healthy work-life balance: workaholism is not a virtue. Overwork with stress and exhaustion can lead to health problems like anxiety, depression, insomnia and heart disease. Take breaks for lunch, a walk and set professional boundaries so that you can stay motivated and healthy.

3. Stress management: Eat healthy, connect with friends, practice meditation which improves mood and boosts energy and confidence levels. The Open Heart Project offers free meditation on line.

4. Start living, stop existing: Life is a precious gift; don’t waste it. We all have responsibilities, but taking care of yourself is also your responsibility. Enjoy a bubble bath, read a book, make time for a new hobby or learn a language while you commute to work. Start a journal. This makes life more purposeful!

5. Better physical health: Eat healthy, get enough sleep, care about your hygiene and exercise regularly, laugh at least once a day and try to avoid emotional eating when you are stressed.

As you all know, I am retired. Being retired definitely gives you more time to practice self care. However, I still struggle with saying no to doing things I don’t want to do. I have always been a people pleaser and that is why I can’t say no to someone who needs my help, even to manipulative people who know this about me and use it against me.

In fact, when I was first divorced, I agreed to adopt a cat from my teacher’s aide (even though I do not like cats, and am somewhat allergic). Her mother in law had died leaving her with the cat and she did not want it. It turned out it was the cat from hell. When I chose to move in with my sister 5 years later, this woman had no problem saying “no backsies” to me when I explained I had no one to take the cat. Clearly, she did not suffer from the people pleaser affliction!

How do you say no and not feel bad about it? First we must understand why people feel bad turning someone down. Saying no may feel aggressive like you are rejecting the person. (and who wants to be an aggressor?) We feel like a bad person like we are letting someone down and we feel guilty. Or we worry that we won’t be liked and will be perceived as uncaring and unhelpful. So we go the path of least potential conflict and say yes.

If we do say no, we say it ineffectively with excuses, such as “I would like to help but I am so busy now. This gives the other person the opportunity to respond, “since you’re busy this week what about next week”.

Here is how to effectively say no:

1. Say it. Don’t beat around the bush, offer weak excuses or hem and haw. Don’t delay or stall. Don’t feel compelled to give explanations. The less said the better.

2. Be assertive and courteous. “I’m sorry I can’t right now but I will let you know when and if I can“. This approach is polite and puts you in charge by changing the dynamic. “I appreciate your asking for help, but I am stretched too thin now to devote time and be of quality help to you” also works.

3. Understand people’s tactics. Many people use manipulation techniques whether knowingly or not.

4. Set boundaries. Take time to understand your role in relationships with people.

5. Be firm. If someone can’t accept your no, the person is not a true friend or doesn’t respect you.

6. Be selfish. Put your needs first. This is the most difficult for me–I need to work on it! Take advice from Warren Buffet who said, “the difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything”.

Don’t forget to use sunscreen daily as part of your self care routine. I recently discovered my new favorite from Josie Maran. It’s a physical sunscreen (not chemical) called Protect and Perfect with SPF 47. I use it instead of foundation daily and it kind of matches all skin tones and evens out your skin. Love it! Be good to yourself! XO Penny

“Our soul is like a soft and gentle flower; it needs to be nurtured, cared for, tended to with sufficient sunlight, fresh air and freedom to bloom into its most precious and beautiful form”. Miya Ymanoachi

“They want to sell us pills and potions. So they tell us that our wrinkles are imperfections, our skin is sagging, and that our bodies are weak. You are beautiful because you have lived! You have had a bold life and experienced the depth of your own soul. You are beautiful not for your age, but because of your age.” Margaret Manning, Aging Beautifully cards

Beware of young, tall, dark and handsome Israeli men who accost you in the mall, asking for five minutes of your time to “transform you and change your life”. It happened to me recently on a day when I was feeling particularly old and unattractive. I guess we all have those days. I was coming out of Sephora, having just returned a foundation, that I did not need (which was touted for smoothing out wrinkles and diminishing pores).

“You are attractive for your age, but my eye serum can make you look ten years younger.” Before and after pictures of older women who had tried the product appeared on Ari’s cell phone. I gave in to his pressure (and his good looks), and allowed him to apply the magic serum to one eye. After explaining that I was retired, on a fixed income and had no money for beauty products, Ari began to ooh and aah. “I have never seen such flexible skin; never have I experienced this fabulous result on a woman before”, he exclaimed. How much did this miracle product cost? Only $750.00, but he could sell it to me for $350.00; he finally reduced it to $200.00 because I was Jewish and had been to Israel. He admonished me to not tell a soul because he would get fired.

I can’t believe I bought it—all of it, the flattery, the lies and the product. Of course it came with a free wrinkle reducing treatment in their spa worth millions of dollars. I exaggerate, of course. Ari was better than the worst car salesman, knowing how to get to me with his charm and false promises. When he walked me into the spa, there were two older women probably being talked into expensive spa packages by equally handsome young men. This got me to thinking…..Why are we obsessed with looking younger and how much do these creams and potions really work anyway?

It seems every other magazine ad for skincare products claims to have found the fountain of youth–as far as wrinkles are concerned. And if you are concerned about signs of aging, you are probably willing to try anything that promises to keep your skin young, firm and glowing. Sound too good to be true? Claims made by over the counter skincare products probably are, because products like moisturizers, night creams with supposed anti-aging properties are cosmetics, not drugs and their marketing claims are not held to a high level of scrutiny. Moisturizers only give a transient effect of wrinkle reduction, by plumping up the skin; they do not repair damage.

For damage that is already visible (like wrinkles and brown spots), dermatologists agree that retinoids (prescription strength) and retinols (lower in dosage and available over the counter) are the products most reliably proven to be effective in undoing skin aging.

And all derms agree that the best proven anti-aging treatment is sunscreen, your best bet to prevent sun damage which can cause or worsen signs of aging before it happens. (See my earlier blog on Mineral v. Chemical Sunscreen).

The Food and Drug Administration has been taking on the beauty industry and some of the over-the-top claims being made for some of their products. For example, a warning letter was sent to Strivectin whose wrinkle creams are sold at retailers from Costco to Nordstrom. The language the FDA objects to? “Clinically proven to change the anatomy of wrinkles. Potent elastin stimulating peptides help enhance skin structure”.

The FDA objects to the fact that claims on their website indicate the products are intended to affect the structure of the human body rendering them drugs. In response, Strivectin changed the wording on its website.

Further researching this topic, I came across an aesthetic called Wabi Sabi, a Japanese concept that celebrates the beauty of imperfection, especially as it relates to the changes experienced with the passage of time. It is the opposite of trying too hard and it is understanding the power and seduction of imperfection, a profound reminder that beauty is best found in its least complex form.

I love this and intend to make Wabi Sabi my new affirmation the next time I look in the mirror and see the changes caused by the years. I will focus on my life experience and how blessed I am to be seventy years of age! And the fact that my boyfriend thinks I am beautiful.

I have some exciting news! I have decided to write a book and am in the beginning stages. I received a lot of interest from my blog The Perils and Pluses of Online Dating and am expanding on this. The book is entitled My Life in Dating After Fifty: A Cautionary Tale. It is a memoir of sorts, and not a how to book, but rather a what not to do. I will keep you all posted! XOXO Penny

Resources

Toss the Gloss: Beauty Tips, Tricks and Truths for Women 50+, by Andrea Q. Robinson

Are Anti-Aging Products Worth Buying? www.insider.com

Does Your Wrinkle Cream Really Work? www.today.com

I am proud of myself; I performed a “deep clean” of my refrigerator this past weekend. You know, cleaned out the veggie crisper of those forgotten Persian cucumbers with yucky surprises growing on them. All the sticky raspberry jam residue that glues the jar to the refrigerator door and the stray flax seeds that accumulated in the crevices are banished! My refrigerator looks brand new and I feel “cleansed” as well.

That got me thinking about my healthy eating habits lately. My nutritional eating has been slipping since the holidays. Why does winter feel like the perfect time to cheat, by eating less salads and more pizza and bagels. I can see the results in my belly area. Take this past weekend for example.

Friday night dinner with my honey at The Spare Rib. The servers’ tee shirts proclaim “Life is too short not to eat ribs” and I took their advice. Along with the ribs, I ate corn bread and barbecued potatoes. I did eat salad and steamed broccoli to make myself feel less guilty. Saturday night was at a Mexican restaurant with some friends for dinner and karaoke. Of course, chips and salsa (tomatoes have lycopene), shrimp tacos and lots of fruity sangria (sugar, a no no). Sunday was not much better. Although I walked Linus for an hour and swam laps for forty minutes at the Y pool, I ate pizza with sausage and broccoli rabe and wings with sautéed onions for a late lunch (do the two veggies cancel out the pizza?)

You get where I am going with this. I have been bad. And telling myself that I am eating most of the time between 11:00 am and 7:00 pm is not an excuse (my intermittent fasting hours). I know better! I am eating too many unhealthy foods. Which brings me to my decision to “deep clean” my nutrition as I recently deep cleaned my refrigerator.

When Meryl Streep was asked to share her most important message for women, she kept it very simple. Stop worrying about your weight! Peg Doyle, a certified holistic health and nutrition coach for women over fifty agrees. She noted, “if we harnessed all the mental and emotional energy women have used fretting about weight, we could literally change the world”!

Peg Doyle offered her tips to healthy eating, which are not time consuming and do not require weighing oneself, as follows:

1. First thing in the morning, have a glass of water before anything else. ( I squeeze lemon in mine).

2. Eat breakfast every day (at home).

3. Keep your cabinets stocked with whole grains, nuts, beans, oils and vinegars, herbs and spices. (More about herbs and spices later……)

4. Keep fresh fruit on the counter and onions and garlic.

5. Keep fresh vegetables in the refrigerator; buy a few times a week if possible.

6. Your evening meal should take no more than fifteen minutes to prepare.

7. If you follow a recipe, it must be uncomplicated and allow substitutions of things in your cabinet. ( I keep saving complicated recipes from Pinterest that I will never make).

8. Don’t have second helpings.

9. Eat slowly, chewing each bite thoroughly.

10. Keep a water pitcher on the counter to remind yourself to drink.

11. Don’t drink soda. An occasional glass of wine or beer is okay.

12. Ice cream should be a small serving topped with walnuts. (How small are we talking? This one is hard for me.)

13. Change food with the seasons; soups and stews in fall and winter, salads and more fruit and fish in spring and summer.

14. Make dinner your last food of the day.

15. At a buffet, scan the whole table before making your choices.

16. If you don’t like cooking at night, eat your main meal at mid-day and have a breakfast-like meal in the early evening. It will keep the hormones that regulate appetite and sleep in better balance.

What remains as the single best way to nourish yourself and maintain a healthy lifestyle is a diet of simple foods. Your plate should consist of 1/4 protein (lean meat, fish, tofu, beans, lentils), 1/4 whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, barley, farro), and the remaining 1/2 of vegetables (mix of sweet like carrots, sweet potatoes, beets with bitter like greens). Of course, she advocates no white flour foods, refined sugars, and limited alcohol. Bye bye pizza and bagels! Ms. Doyle reminds us that what we put in our bodies becomes a part of us in our tissues, organs, systems and senses.

Her advice is sound and seemingly easy to follow. The research on using herbs and spices, however, surprised me and has me interested in experimenting more with them in my cooking. Turmeric, the spice that gives Indian curry its distinctive golden hue, with one of its phytonutrients, curcumin, has been studied because of its anti-inflammatory agents and anti-oxidants. Research is under way examining curcumin’s effects on preventing and treating cancer and as therapy for psoriasis and Alzheimer’s disease.

Most interesting, in a recent small study, Japanese researchers have people with Alzheimer’s who displayed classic symptoms like irritability, anxiety, and agitation, taking 100 mg. of curcumin in capsule form. After three months, their symptoms improved significantly.

In addition, offering virgin Bloody Mary’s spiked with turmeric, pepper and olive oil, a pain relieving cocktail to those suffering from knee pain from osteoarthritis, proved as effective as ibuprofen.

Other herbs and spices also contain a treasure trove of compounds that fight infection and chronic diseases. Try basil, cilantro (coriander), dill, ginger, mint, oregano, parsley sage, rosemary and thyme. (sounds like a Simon and Garfunkel tune) These are popular in Mediterranean and Asian dishes. Cinnamon reduces inflammation, can combat insulin resistance, and target and eradicate cancer cells. After reading about the benefits of herbs and spices, I plan to use more of them in my cooking.

While researching this topic, I found a “bright idea for weight loss in twenty minutes a day” which incorporates something I do every morning—take Linus for a walk. One unlikely weapon against weight gain is morning sun. In a recent study, people who got the most of their daily exposure to even moderately bright light in the morning, had significantly lower BMIs (body mass index or weight to height ratio) than those who got sun exposure later in the day. To take advantage, you need twenty to thirty minutes of morning light every day between 8:00 am and noon. Use your sunscreen and it will not change the outcome; researchers believe that the sunlight’s effects go directly from the eyes to the brain. I love this!!!!

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” Lao Tzu Remember persistence pays off when it comes to health. Starting with a single step today, e.g. a short walk, an extra glass of water, or fruit for dessert can bring you closer to the healthy, fit body you’ve always wanted. XO Penny Please share your views on this subject in the comments section. I love your feedback!

Resources

Younger in Eight Weeks by the authors of Prevention with Vonda Wright, M.D.

Eighteen Ridiculously Simple Ways to Eat Healthy and Avoid Dieting After 60 by Peg Doyle Sixtyandme.com

Food Becomes You: Simple Steps for Lifelong Wellness, by Peg Doyle

Wellnessandyou.com (Peg Doyle’s nutrition blog)

Twenty Years by Bob Greene

I just stepped out of the shower and I was scared…. all the toxic ingredients in my shampoo, conditioner and body wash. I probably am housing the dirty dozen right now in my bathroom. Were the parabens, phthalates (fragrance) and sodium lauryl sulfate which make my body wash and shampoo frothy and sweet smelling going to eventually do me in?

Let me backtrack…. My niece Emily, who had a beautiful baby girl Elodie four months ago, asked me to research eye creams for her. She is worried about her “crows feet”, and because she is breastfeeding is concerned about the ingredients in the product. Which led me to the concept of clean beauty.

I am familiar with the term clean eating and do try to eat whole, unprocessed foods. Clean beauty is different in that it is more focused on third party testing to ensure the safety of the ingredients along with an interest in being eco-friendly and sustainable. I was a clean beauty novice and needed to do some research.

What is the definition of clean beauty? It depends on who you ask because it is not regulated by the FDA. For a product to be clean, it must be formulated with ingredients that are ethically sourced, non-toxic to your health and the environment, and without any of the ingredients that comprise “the dirty dozen” (See list below). These are clean beauty’s banned ingredients. You can also look for products stamped with clean beauty seals (EWG Certified or Ecocert). Clean beauty products can include safe synthetic ingredients, e.g. lab made, that do not pose health problems.

Natural beauty, by contrast, describes the purity of the ingredients. They are comprised of plants, botanical extracts, butters and minerals; they do not include any synthetic or lab-made materials. Counterintuitively, natural beauty ingredients are not always clean. Think of poison ivy, a plant that is natural, but not safe or effective for topical use. (mineral oil, lead, petroleum as well)!

Am I behind the times? I think so. Nearly 50% of women are already using clean beauty products according to a Harper’s Bazaar poll of more than 1,000 women across all ages, races and ethnicities, and more than 60% of women would be willing to splurge on one.

Why are clean beauty products so expensive? People who sell them say it is because natural ingredients are much more expensive; sustainable packaging and formulas drive up prices. If you have a product certified by Ecocert or USDA Organics, the lengthy, expensive processes also add to the cost. A study by Allure magazine demonstrated that the mark-up of such products can be as high as 500% of the product cost.

Some brands are lowering the cost of “clean” with these products: Sephora Ultra-Glow Serum at $20.00; Burt’s Bees All Aglow Lip and Cheek Stain at $13.00. Whole Foods is expanding its collection of clean personal care products often priced as low as $10.00.

What advice did I give my niece Emily. I went straight to the expert. My friend Carol works at Sephora on the weekends as the in-house skincare expert. During the week, she is an esthetician at the Red Door Spa in Garden City, NY. My daughter Jamie was interested in switching to clean beauty and accompanied me. Carol suggested Farmacy clean beauty products, specifically Green Clean beauty balm for cleansing and makeup removal and Dew it All eye cream for my niece Emily. Their website boasts Clean Commandments as follows: Paraben Free Formaldehyde Donor Free Phtalate Free Mineral Oil Free Synthetic Fragrance Free Cruelty Free Carol is also a fan of Josie Maran’s products like Argan Oil and Argan Milk and Drunk Elephant products..

My daughter is loving the Green Clean Cleansing balm, much preferring it to the Philosophy Purity cleanser which she had used for years. I am awaiting results from my niece Emily. She was planning to take before and after pics.

What about me? I will finish up my current products and switch over slowly to clean beauty. Remember my “no spending January pledge”!

Please comment and let me know how you feel about clean beauty. Are you currently “clean” or would you consider switching? I welcome your feedback. In addition, if there is a subject you would like me to address, I’m all ears! XO Penny

Resources

Dirty Dozen: Toxic ingredients to avoid in skin care products:

Aluminum (DEA, MEA, TEA); formaldehyde (look for DMDM Hydantoin and Urea); parabens (Methyl, Butyl, Ethyl, Propyl); PEG (Polyethylene glycol); phthalates (fragrance); Propylene Glycol and Butylene Glycol; Siloxanes; Sodium Lauryl Sulfate SLS and SLES; Synthetic Fragrances and Triclosan.

How More Affordable Beauty Products Mean a More Just Society by Jessica Chia

Shape.com, Benefits of Choosing Clean Beauty

Harper’s Bazaar, Ultimate Guide to Clean Beauty by Olivia Fleming and Jenna Rosenstein

“Money has never made man happy, nor will it. There is nothing in it to produce happiness. The more of it one has, the more one wants.” Benjamin Franklin

“Money is not a synonym for happiness, but life is rough and tough without it.” Dr. T.P. Chia

No matter how much you have or don’t have, money is a topic that touches us all. I remember many conversations with my twin sister Jill about this very subject. I admitted that I was at times envious of her lifestyle, of her husband’s money and generosity. Jill’s response was as follows: “I would trade you my money and material possessions for your health any day!” Jill was so right. She suffered with chronic fatigue syndrome for ten years with the debilitating pain and weakness and then succumbed to cancer at age 59. Good health trumps money always! I know that now.

But it is January; time for setting goals (I don’t like the term making resolutions), along with the beginning of a new decade. Couple that with credit card bills coming in after holiday gift giving, December real estate taxes due and help!!!!!!

Moreover, I have a money confession to make. My wallet is very disorganized. Some of my bills are folded, some shoved in carelessly. I remember hearing Oprah say that this shows a person who does not value and appreciate money. Each bill must be lovingly placed in your wallet in the same direction. How else can we remain in a state of “enoughness”, e.g. remembering that there is more than enough to go around. We must treat what we have in the moment with care and respect.

Now, I’m not sure if the cause is the state of my wallet, or the fact that I am a single retiree on a fixed income, and it’s January, but I need to get a job!

You may be thinking–but who is going to hire her at her age? I did some research and there are many part time opportunities for women over 60.

Remember Robert DeNiro in the 2015 movie “The Intern”? He played a 70 year old widower who discovered retirement wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He seized the opportunity to become a senior intern at an online fashion site. His charm, wisdom and sense of humor made him quite popular. The tagline for the movie was experience never gets old. I love it!

Like the intern, I have wisdom, charm and experience. In fact, we are the amount of our skills and knowledge so begin exploring what you know. The advice I found was to tap into what you do well and your knowledge. Blend your professional skills with what you love.

Think about what you want to gain from the job. Do you want to turn your passion into a day job, work part-time hours or give back to the community.

Check out online job boards–see available jobs and which skills and qualification hiring managers are looking for. Decide your non-negotiables e.g. working hours or commuting distance.

Connect with friends and colleagues. Ask for help, advice, referrals to help guide you in the right direction. My son just advised me that he may have some special projects for me in his insurance brokerage firm. Hooray. He is the best boss–so complimentary and even provides free lunch.

Set yourself up on LinkedIn. It is the ultimate social media tool for professional people of any age to stay connected to the latest employment opportunities.

Read up on your rights. If you are in your fifties, sixties, or beyond, no one can legally turn you away from a job based on your age. If you are treated unfairly, seek help from the Advisory, Conciliation, and Arbitration Service. This is an independent and free government funded service which offers advice in the area of employment law.

Don’t lose your positive attitude. Remind yourself how much you have to offer.

Whether you want to teach creativity, yoga or Spanish classes, or become a dog walker, virtual assistant, or graphic designer or turn your jewelry making or knitting hobby into a business on ebay or Etsy, there are unlimited opportunities for part time work. Uber anyone? Remember you are mature and reliable, which qualities are always in demand and sometimes in short supply today.

Have you heard about the gig economy where there are numerous opportunities for us over sixty. I have to admit this was a new term for me. I always thought of the term “gig” in the context of musicians as an engagement at a bar or restaurant for a group of musicians or a singer. The gig economy now refers to part-time or freelance work and applies more specifically to platforms on the internet that facilitate linking part-time workers with people wanting work done. These are opportunities this economy opens up for entrepreneurs wanting to work flexibly in their retirement. The pros are flexible hours; age is not a factor; you can choose the jobs you want to take and ignore those you are not interested in; the platform does the marketing for you; you can work anonymously with clients from around the globe.

It is estimated that by 2027 in the U.S. alone, 60% of workers will be independent professionals. Joining the gig economy offers the opportunity to set up a small business and work flexible hours without anyone asking your age. I recently purchased an online proofreading course which will help me set up my own proofreading business once I have mastered the class. I am excited.

My new year, new decade affirmations about money:

I am growing, protecting and nurturing my financial life with diligence, wisdom and care.

I am spending money within safe bounds and joyful intention. (I promised myself not to purchase anything in the month of January. I will let you know how that goes!)

Happy New Year my friends. Please let me know how you feel about working in retirement.

Resources

The Pros and Cons of Working in the Burgeoning Gig Economy After you Hit 60 by Hilary Henderson Sixtyandme.com

Flexible Jobs for Women Over 60/Amazing Jobs for Seniors Sixtyandme.com

”Self love is powerful. It teaches you to respect, honor and care for yourself. When we learn to love ourselves, others will follow. If we do not honor ourselves, how can we expect others to truly understand us? So take the time to become your own best friend. You are perfect just the way you are.” Learn to Love Yourself, Margaret Manning, Aging Beautifully cards.

To be perfectly honest, loving myself has been a work in progress. I have struggled with this throughout my younger years and feel that as I have matured, am finally there, truly one of the benefits of aging!

I recently enrolled in a class offered by the Jewish Learning Institute at my local Chabad entitled Worrier to Warrior which addresses our “feelings of doubt, regret, insecurity and suffering, despite our yearning to feel happy, self assured and enthusiastic. The course explores negative emotions in a new light offering spiritual mechanisms that allow us to feel upbeat no matter what life brings”.

The classes are bringing up feelings of inferiority and not-enough-ness as a teenager and a young adult. Because I was a twin, my parents tried so hard not to compare us, that they failed to give either one credit for what either of us did well. As fraternal twins, we had very different personalities. I was the quiet studious one and Jill was more outgoing and social. I was content as a child to let Jill make the friends for us and do the talking. I didn’t really find my true voice until age 52 when I got divorced. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

My parents never seemed to care that I was in all honor classes and did well in school. They didn’t want to make Jill feel bad that she did not get good grades. Of course, she did not try very hard, preferring to spend her time chatting on the phone with her friends. (She asked me to teach her Spanish II the night before the Spanish II Regents and she got 65, which I thought was good). I internalized the fact that to my parents it was more important to be cute and funny with a good personality than to be intelligent.

As the outgoing twin, Jill was more popular in high school, making junior varsity cheerleading, while I was not chosen. At that time of my life being popular and a cheerleader seemed more important than getting good grades and excelling at languages. As adults, Jill and I confided in each other that she was jealous of my ability to converse in Spanish and French with waiters in a restaurant and I was jealous of her hot boyfriend Phil in high school.

Years later, it took a wonderful therapist to help me uncover the reasons for these feelings of insecurity and help to rebuild the self love. An interesting perspective is set forth in an online article called “Be the Reason Someone Believes in Good People”. Higherperspectives.com. The article sets forth five reasons people feel lost (have no confidence, low self esteem etc.) and ways to resolve it.

1. Their sense of self is distorted: People who feel lost don’t like themselves very much. They tend to have a distorted sense of self that keeps them from appreciating their own beauty, intelligence and worth. They see themselves as unworthy and insignificant, and that nothing they do is good enough. This rings true for me. My therapist had told me I was looking at myself through a distorted lens and I finally did see it! The solution is to spend more time with yourself to figure out who you are and what makes you happy. Believe in yourself and your own potential.
2. They surround themselves with people who bring them down, people who are constantly complaining, criticizing and whining about everything and everyone. This will lead you astray from your life path. My ex-husband was highly critical of me. The solution is to spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and your life, people who make you laugh and feel you are a valued human being.
3. They try to measure up to others expectations following ideals, values and beliefs handed down by their parents or others, e.g. measuring up to unrealistic standards and of course fall short. My parents always told us we were perfect, model children and that they could take us anywhere. How could a child live up to that standard. I felt like an imposter or a fraud. Both my sister and I rebelled when we got to college. We were anything but perfect! The solution is to stop trying to live up to other people’s standards. Live true to yourself; be your own person and live up to only your expectations.
4. They hold on to ingrained fears and biases based on old programming: “nothing works for me; I always fail. Solution: Shift your perspective and attitude. Failure is just a discovery of one way that doesn’t work; look at failure as an opportunity to try again with more intelligence. It doesn’t matter what happened when you were growing up. The past need not hinder your future.
5. They never venture out of their comfort zone: people feel bored, frustrated and trapped in their jobs and lives. They are stuck in ruts to avoid taking risks and making mistakes. Solution: Get out there and do things your friends would never believe you would do (or your ex-husband when you finally decided to leave a 32 year marriage—that would be me)! Living outside your comfort zone can be exciting and fun. Remember, it is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and make your happiness a priority! Happy Holidays, my friends! XO Penny

Home is a word that resonates deeply. For many people it evokes family, childhood, some of their most vivid memories. It is a word that brings comfort to the soul, that names a place we want to return to, that makes us feel safe, loved and nurtured.

My first cousin Geraldine sent me a card recently with pictures she had found of my mom, dad and sister. She reminisced about the times our two families would spend together during the Jewish holidays. (Her dad and my dad were brothers; she also had a twin sister who predeceased her). Our twin cousins were 8 years older and we loved hanging out with them in Brooklyn. We thought it was so cool that they could walk to the pizza place from their house.

Thanksgiving is almost upon us, a holiday I always loved. Every year we would spend Thanksgiving at my sister Jill’s beautiful home. I looked forward to making my stuffing at her house, stringing snap peas together while catching up and drinking Cabernet with The Eagles playing in the background. I can still smell my brother in law Doug’s succulent turkey which he lovingly basted every 15 minutes.

I remember a jumble of emotions the first Thanksgiving after Jill died—anger at being abandoned, guilt for having survived and obliged to do more to preserve our family legacy. My dad died when I was only 36 and my mom in 2014.

There must be millions of other people who are last surviving members of their original family, my brother in law Doug being one. 75% of those age 60 to 64 have lost both of their parents and roughly half of Americans age 50 to 59 according to a study funded by the National Institute on Aging. But as far as I can tell, no one has counted or studied or given a name to people who have lost all their siblings as well. Let’s call them sole family survivors. Research has only been done on those who have lost families in cataclysmic events such as war and the Holocaust.

We’ve got much in common with adult orphans what sociologists have named grownups whose parents are deceased. There is the realization that you are next. There’s a change in identity- no longer anyone’s daughter or sister. When you are the last one left, you are not only grieving the one who died, but saying goodbye to the end of a common heritage and the end of shared memories.

Some sole survivors offer these suggestions for managing the holidays and keeping family memories alive.

Research your family history, hence the popularity of cites like Ancestry.com and 23 and Me. One woman, Elaine Shimberg, dug into her family history and wrote a memoir entitled Growing Up Jewish in Small Town America, including tales of her grandfather and great grandfather who were peddlers in Bulgaria.

Moreover, every year on Thanksgiving, Elaine Shimberg serves a traditional meal on her mother’s old ornate China and silver. And every year she tells her children and grandchildren “this cranberry spoon was Nana’s”. She lost her immediate family members by the time she was 63 and found comfort in the things they left behind. She said everything had a story and her children and grandchildren were going to hear it!

I keep my family memories alive by telling family stories to my grandson. “Tell me the story Nana about Mr. Belcher again”. Mr. Belcher lived across the street from me when I was growing up. He was a drunk (I tell my grandson he loved his beer) and would stand outside by the curb yelling to the people passing by in cars yelling “slow down or I’ll slow you down”. He would stick a hose in the open car window (no air conditioners back then) and wet everyone.

Also I tell silly jokes that my father would tell ( Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.) and tell Jesse secret language and games my sister and I would play.

Other people make memorabilia meaningful. They reframe and restore old photos, create scrapbooks using old letters, tickets, clippings, anything that retells your family’s story. One woman had her fathers ties sewn into a quilt.

This year I will spend Thanksgiving with my brother in law and my sister’s daughters. I will recreate my stuffing, drink Cabernet with my niece Sara and know that my sister (and mom and dad) will be right there with us.

“Photographs and memories, all the love you gave to me. Somehow it just can’t be true. That’s all I’ve left of you”. Jim Croce

Happy Thanksgiving all! Enjoy your family!

Resources

Sole Survivors: Adult Orphans Preserve, Adapt Traditions by Melinda Beck. The Wall Street Journal

“When we adopt a dog or any pet, we know it is going to end with us having to say goodbye, but we still do it- for a very good reason. They bring us so much joy, optimism and happiness. They attack every moment of every day with that attitude.” Bruce Cameron, A Dog’s Purpose

I have always loved dogs. My earliest childhood memory stays with me to this day and involves a promise my parents made to me to buy me a puppy. I was 7 years old and needed eye surgery to fix a lazy eye.

Back in 1956, this involved a hospital stay of a week where I would be separated from my twin (a first) and my parents. It was a devastating, scary prospect and experience, but I thought about the puppy waiting for me at the end of the ordeal. My mom named him Algie after my eye surgeon, Algernon P. Reese. (I told you I remember every last detail). Algie was an adorable English bull dog and my sister and I were crazy about him. My mom refused to put up with his chewing and puppy antics and Algie was gone after two months. I never forgave her for that! Really!

Which brings me to the reason for writing this blog post. As you know, I recently adopted an 8 year old rescue and named him Linus. Let me backtrack. I attended a Yorkie 911 Rescue event (Heidi Walker, the head of the organization is amazing). I had been on their website for a few months researching rescues, and had sort of decided on Booty, a 10 year old full Yorkie, hoping to see him at the event. But one look at Linus (f/k/a Grant) and I was hooked—those warm sweet brown eyes, waggily tail and patchwork fur on his back. I chose him and he chose me.

Some friends were less than enthusiastic about my recent decision. Won’t it tie you down? How will you travel? Why do you want all that responsibility at this age? But there are so many advantages and ways that adopting a pet can improve your life as an older woman.

First, pets bring joy. Research has repeatedly shown that pet ownership improves the quality of life, especially for seniors. Human-Animal Companion Interaction (HAI) can have a significant effect on the lives of both you and your animal. Many people believe that interaction with a pet increases oxytocin. An international team of researchers concluded that both HAI and oxytocin were found to promote social interaction, to reduce stress and anxiety and to enhance human health. They concluded that the numerous advantages to pet ownership includes the following:

Older pet owners had lower blood pressure, triglycerides and cholesterol levels. Adults who walked dogs accumulated at least 30 minutes of walking a day. Dog walking is associated with lower body mass index (BMI), fewer limitation in activity, fewer doctor visits and more frequent moderate and vigorous exercise. Owning a dog, or being responsible for any pet gives us a sense of purpose. Our pets need us for their well being and reciprocate with affection, loyalty and kisses. It helps set up a routine for the day.

Pets prevent us from being isolated and lonely. We feel needed and loved, especially for older adults who live alone. Petting a dog or cat releases stress and helps you to calm down; they help not only our physical but our mental health as well. They brighten our day and help us feel energized and enlivened. Pets help distract us from our day to day worries during our periods of depression.

Not only do they act as our friend and emotional support, they help us meet people when we walk them. A dog can be your dating coach and exercise coach as well.

“We humans can learn a few things from dogs. They live in the present. They don’t hold grudges. They let go of their anger daily, hourly and never let it fester. They absolve and forgive with each passing minute. Every turn of a corner is an opportunity for a clean slate. Every bounce of a ball brings joy and the promise of a fresh chase”. Stephen Rowley.

After only three weeks, Linus is my best buddy. He is my confidant, my squirrel chasing, non stop licking machine, walking partner who dances around the kitchen as he eagerly awaits his dinner. Pets are spiritual teachers, teaching us to live in the here and now and love unconditionally. They help us to be humble and grateful and to approach new things with curiosity and enthusiasm. My life is enhanced by Linus’ presence in it. XO. Penny

Find Your Tribe

“Create space in your life for the people who nourish your soul…..And take the time to cultivate new friendships. When your heart is open to others, the universe brings the right people into your life…Margaret Manning. Aging Beautifully cards.

I spoke to one of my best friends in Florida whose husband died almost 2 years ago. She described her loneliness and expressed the feeling that this year was worse than the first year for many reasons. The shock of losing her husband had worn off, as had many of her friends’ willingness to include her in their plans. She was not in a good place and I wish I lived closer to be there for her.

Another good friend had moved in the past year from Indiana to Arizona, leaving behind family and friends and a comfortable life. She lamented “I miss my family desperately. I’m trying to make new friends and life as I know it is now over. What on earth will I do next?

Both of my friends are going through major life transitions which I know and understand all too well. If you are feeling lonely, especially during these life changes, you are not alone. But perhaps loneliness is our mind’s way of telling us to get out there and engage with the world.

But the world is changing for sixty plus year old women. We no longer have the social context we previously enjoyed as a wife, parent or co-worker. As we age, forging new friendships becomes more difficult than it used to be.

Our life experience, happiness and inevitable hardships that come along with it shape the adults we become and affects our ability to develop meaningful relationships.

Despite all these challenges, it is clear that making friends and maintaining worthwhile friendships is essential after sixty: essential for our health and well being.

The good news is having an active social life after sixty is possible, but only if we take matters into our own hands and put ourselves out there. Here are some tips:

Be confident. Confidence is the key in most situations and meeting new people is no different. As adults we often lose that sense of confidence and lack of inhibition that children have in making friends. An article in Psychology Today, entitled “The Essence of Confidence” suggests “once we accept that we are in control and have the power to influence outcomes, such as making new friends, we develop a sense of confidence in ourselves and in what we have to offer others”.

Pursue your hobbies and interests: In doing so, you are sure to attract and meet people with similar interests. Meetup.com is one group trying to offer a platform for people to connect. They promote and advertise the meetup to a target group of people (e.g. beer loving bald men). Sorry, I couldn’t resist! They all meet in a public place to share a hobby or interest.

After my sister died, at my therapist’s suggestion, I joined a French conversation meetup group meeting once a week at a local Panera. It was definitely out of my comfort zone but I pushed myself and met new friends. Subsequently I started my own Spanish conversation and dinner meetup group which still is going strong today with monthly meetings. I met interesting people and greatly improved my language skills.

The Red Hat Society offers a unique friendship club with chapters across the U.S. which organizes meetings and events to help women feel connected and fights aging stereotypes.

Try a new class or activity. Explore the activities available in your community. I recently joined two new book discussion groups at my library, a thriller/mystery group and a historical fiction group. Two women were very interesting and invited me to join them for lunch after the discussion ended. Potential new friends. I previously took a series of tai chi classes offered at the library and my friend met future mah jongg friends and canasta players learning to play at the library. At the morning aqua fit classes at my gym, I have gotten to know many women who could also become potential friends. Many of these women have known each other for a long time, having taken classes together. They still invited me, a newbie, to join them for a post swim bagel!

Volunteering: a great way to use your skills and give back to a cause important to you while meeting new people. The American Red Cross and Habitat for Humanity, for example, focus on teamwork and help build friendships by having volunteers work in groups.

Forging new friendships as older adults is not always easy, but if we face our fears, explore our passions and take a chance on reaching out to others, we can do it!

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anais Nin

Blog update: Thank you to my friend and blog follower Kathy who recommended the following wonderful book related to my blog post on ageism. The Gift of Years. Growing Old Gracefully by Joan Chittister. This is why I love all your comments and feedback. Keep them coming. Second update: I adopted an 8 year old Yorkie Dachshund mix rescue and I am smitten!

Resources

You Gotta Have Girlfriends by Suzanne Braun Levine

Making Friends After 60: 6 creative Groups Focused on Creating Community Sixtyandme.com

How to Find Friends and Fight Loneliness After 60 sixty and every.com

Making Friends at 60 Senior Living Blog