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“Aging is out of your control. How you handle it though, is in your hands.”

I read this quote recently from Diane Von Furstenberg and was intrigued. There are a myriad of articles on Pinterest and online in general on the topic of aging gracefully, aging well, is sixty the new forty etc.

I began researching the topic after three incidents that occurred this past weekend. On Friday night, my No Pressure Book club got into a discussion about our aging bodies and certain changes which sometimes make us feel old and limited. We talked about how it is difficult to accept at times. Now, I am the elder in the group, the other members in their early fifties and early sixties!

On Saturday, I came to the realization that getting up from a low beach chair is no longer an easy feat for me, which was quite disconcerting! On Sunday, at a party, a new friend and I shared a secret that we had trouble arising from a standard toilet. We each have installed a high one in the bathroom. Enough said.

According to psychologists, the key to “aging gracefully” is to accept the fact that life does not stay the same and that, yes, aging can change the way we live our lives. Attitude matters a lot and if you let the negative aspects get to you, you’ll have fewer reasons to laugh. Accepting the fact that we aren’t as strong boned as we were and preparing for lifestyle changes that come with it can make aging easier to manage.

Understanding this has helped me change from Zumba classes 3 times a week to Aquafit classes which are easier on my knees. I finally accept the inevitable stiffness upon arising in the morning and try to stretch before my daily walk ( although it is not easy to get up off the floor). And at a recent wedding, I did my moves on the dance floor until my hip told me it was time. I continued “chair dancing” for the latter part of the evening. We need to make these accommodations for our changing bodies, like it or not!

In the article, Four Qualities That Help You Embrace Aging, Stephanie Raffelock talks about the word crone meaning crown and explains that an important advantage of aging is that the mark of being an elder is the crowning glory of your wise age.

As my eight year old grandson Jesse eloquently tells me “Nana, you know everything because you have lived so long!” I’m glad he thinks I’m so smart.

“You know more stuff now about what it means to fully be a human being than ever before. You’ve experienced grief, loss, failure and pain and you are still standing. You’ve learned how to hold life’s suffering and life’s joy side by side”. And you can pass this wisdom on.

Oprah Winfrey says “if you are blessed enough to grow older, there is so much to learn from people who are celebrating the process with vigor and grace”.

So adjust your attitude and don’t waste precious time fighting time. Practice these 9 things that people aging well believe are beneficial.

1. Work out to get strong not skinny. Strength and resistance training is important to build muscle and help you stay strong and independent as you age.
2. Stress less. Stress can cause aging on a cellular level, sleepless nights, skin dehydration and hair loss.
3. Let go of regrets and grudges. Consider meditating to be in the moment.
4. Learn something new each day. Stay curious and try something different. One study showed that older adults who took up a new activity for 3 months showed considerable improvements in memory compared with those who did familiar activities. I plan to learn Tai Chi.
5. Don’t overdo it with makeup. Enhance the positive rather than covering up the negative.
6. Stay positive. Complaining about your age won’t make you any younger. Choosing positive thoughts can bring benefits such as better coping skills, a better immune system and a longer life.
7. Get enough sleep. 8 to 9 hours.
8. Eat and drink for your health. The idea that you are what you eat is definitely true especially as you age.
9. Embrace your changing looks. Go silver if you dare or just be you!

“Your body is your best friend. It is the vessel that carries you through this physical world. So nurture and nourish your body. Embrace healthy habits, positive thoughts, nutritional food and daily movement. Your body tells the story of your life. So write the story you want to live! Aging Beautifully Cards, Margaret Manning.

Thanks for reading this post. I appreciate all of you! Let me know if there is a topic you would like me to address. Until next week….. Penny

Resources

What Does it Mean to Age With Grace in Your Sixties, by Joan Frances Moran sixtyandme.com

Four Qualities that Help You Help You to Embrace Aging by Stephanie Raffelock

Nine Things People Aging Well Do Differently, everydayhealth.com

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I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean; whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens; promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance… and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance…I hope you dance… from I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack

The recurring theme of the lyrics is that when faced with the choice of dancing (giving something new a try or staying stuck where you are, choose to dance). It’s a beautiful metaphor and the lyrics are inspirational. It also makes you think about the people you love in your life and their choices.

For me, the literal meaning resonates because dancing was such a part of my life growing up and it connects me to my mom, dad and twin sister who are no longer here. My parents loved to dance and were always on the dance floor together. Jill and I danced together from elementary school on. We watched Dick Clark’s American Bandstand every afternoon after school and knew all the regulars (Carmen Jimenez and Franny Giordano to name a few). I was taller than Jill and I would lead. Expert at the lindy, we would win all the dance contests at birthday parties. “It’s not fair; they practice together at home” everyone would complain. We loved it and felt lucky to be twins.

When my sister was busy, I would practice my moves with the refrigerator. My mom would say I did this on purpose always at dinner time to avoid clearing the table or doing the dishes.

As a shy child lacking self confidence, dancing was something I was good at. I could move with ease and let go of any self consciousness I felt in my everyday life.

When I began my work life as a young adult, dancing was an ice breaker at work events. Always the consummate professional at work, I was able to show another side of my personality when dancing. My adult ESL students were thrilled when I was able to learn the salsa and Cumbia and even complimented my hip action (for a non-Latina).

I recently read a book entitled Goddesses Never Age, The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality and Well Being, by Dr. Christiane Northrup and was interested in her fascination with dance. She was afraid to dance earlier in life, but at age 50 decided to learn Argentine Tango and describes how it changed her life:

“I watched a couple dancing the Argentine Tango in close embrace. The dance was so sensual, so moving that it called to me. My heart said that is what I want to do”. She described showing up for her first lesson as a clumsy beginner as much harder than medical school had ever been. She continues urging us on by saying “how many of us have held back from trying something our hearts called us to do fearing that we would be laughed at or shamed.” She admonishes us to resist this urge to sit it out and dance.

I can well relate to Dr. Northrup’s experience. After I divorced at age 52, I signed up for private dance lessons at Arthur Murray, despite my total nervousness. As she described (and I similarly felt) “I had a desire to feel this romantic dance in my mind, body and spirit. I wanted to feel the thrill of surrendering to the lead of a skillful man and for my body to know how to express the way the music felt inside me”

After much practice, my dance instructor James and I performed a rhumba and a cha cha at a local dance event. My friends and sister and brother in law were in the audience cheering me on. Perfect!

If your heart is calling you to try something new, don’t put it off. My sister Jill decided at age 50 to take vocal lessons. She loved the lessons, had an excellent voice and she and her vocal coach began doing gigs at local restaurants. They called themselves Aries 19 (all of us were born on April 19th). I even performed with them (after a lot of wine). My sister loved this part of her life, and of course had no idea that she would succumb to cancer at age 59.

I plan to continue dancing forever. Maybe I will sign up for more lessons. Or take up Tai Chi.

Inside each of us is a beautiful ballerina just waiting to get out. So help her on to the stage. Try new things, stay active, explore, sing dance and play…..Margaret Manning, Aging Beautifully

Resources

Goddesses Never Age by Dr. Christiane Northrup

I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack

Aging Beautifully Cards by Margaret Manning

This past weekend, I attended a surprise 30th birthday party in Boston for my boyfriend’s lovely daughter. I was a bit apprehensive because there would be 40 people I didn’t know (along with his ex-wife) at a waterfront bar. To make matters worse, I am still in a splint up to my elbow (which looks like I have an artificial limb, not my best look). Who would I talk to? What would I talk about?

You are probably thinking, Penny must be an introvert. She would rather stay home in her pjs on a Saturday night than go to this bar with a group of millennials. She would not like to be the center of attention; she must like to stay far away from the spotlight as she can. Truth be told, I enjoy being around people and loved wearing the huge sombrero at Maria’s Restaurant and having the entire restaurant staff serenade me with Feliz Cumpleanos (Happy Birthday) at my recent celebration.

Am I an introvert? Common introvert traits are the following:

Enjoy spending time in solitude;

Don’t prefer to be the center of attention;

Think before they speak; not talkative

Need time alone to recharge and reflect;

Can be seen as reserved;

Prefer working in a quiet, independent environment.

Yes, I can relate to those traits……sometimes.

Let’s look at the characteristics of an extrovert:

Have large social networks;

Enjoy being the center of attention;

Tend to think out loud;

Make quick decisions;

Gain energy from being around people;

Outgoing, enthusiastic and positive;

Thrive in team oriented settings.

Check, check and check………sometimes

The truth is that most of us fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. That’s a good thing considering our society is obsessed with dividing us into types.

If I am not an introvert or extrovert, could I be an ambivert, a little of both. “Ambiverts are fascinating individuals who can be excellent conversationalists as well as excellent listeners and who have many natural gifts”.

Introversion and extroversion are personality traits and are on a spectrum and no one is 100% one or other. Here are 11 signs you may be an ambivert:

You don’t shy away from attention, but it depends on the context. In some situations, you are happy quietly observing.

You enjoy being at a party in a crowd for hours….suddenly, your energy is gone and you want to leave. My daughter calls this the buzz buzz syndrome (too much noise, talking, buzzing in her head).

You prefer meaningful talk. You hate small talk.

There are limits to your social comfort zone; asserting yourself can be difficult.

You are reserved in situations if you don’t know someone well.

You like backup. You enjoy meeting new people but prefer your friends to be there when you do it.

You don’t quite fit either label, but kind of fit both.

You hang back…start out by observing people around you.

You take alone time in small doses…you need and enjoy it but one night rather than an entire weekend.

You think before you speak and listen to others first.

You balance out others around you.

Similarly, ambiverts have natural strengths, especially adaptability. They speak and listen well and get along with everyone. They are generally friendly, funny and sociable people who are able to build a strong rapport and empathize with others.

What happened at the party you ask? I positioned myself in the perfect spot-a comfortable couch right next to the Brie crackers and fruit platter and buffalo chicken flatbread pizza. I quietly observed the beautiful thirty somethings chatting it up while sipping my perfectly chilled Chardonnay, looking out on Boston Harbor and watching the passing boats. It was the perfect day for an ambivert!

Understanding your personality is a powerful tool. The more you understand yourself and your needs, the more you will thrive. Check out two personality assessments you can do for free at introvertdear.com and prevention.com Exactly How To Tell The Difference Between Introvert and Extrovert click on bottom SAPA Projects Personality test.

“Reinvention isn’t about change. It’s about discovery. It’s about learning to embrace your true self”. Aging Beautifully, Margaret Manning

Let me know what you think. Are there any topics you would like me to address. I appreciate your feedback. XO Penny

“Kindness is magical. It connects you to others, gives you a sense of purpose and reminds you what is important in difficult times.” Aging Beautifully by Margaret Manning

My 8 year old grandson asked me recently “Nana, why do you say hello and smile at everyone, even strangers”?. I told him that I am a friendly person and that it is a good way to spread kindness. I explained that you can make someone’s day a little brighter with your smile. He thought that was cool! (He is still at the age where he thinks I am so smart because I have lived so long).

Just last week, my daughter was stopped in Jesse’s school by another second grade teacher who wanted to compliment her on Jesse’s kindness. She noted, “Jesse went out of his way to help a kindergarten student in the hall who was having trouble carrying his books and project”. He walked the boy to his bus and helped him on. My daughter was thrilled but not surprised; he is very empathetic and caring.

How do we define kindness? According to the CEO of World Kindness USA, Michael Lloyd-White, kindness needs three characteristics to operate. Empathy or understanding of how another person may feel; compassion or connecting with your heart; and the courage to leave your comfort zone and dig a little deeper. Lloyd-White says if we all had a little more courage, the world would look a lot different from the way it looks today.

He also claims that kindness is now seen for what it is, no longer gender specific, benign or week and that kindness really shines when things are most dark.

My twin sister Jill was known for her acts of kindness and generosity. One specific instance comes to mind. It was the day before Thanksgiving. She was at the hair salon speaking to the new shampoo person named Farhut, a recent immigrant from Iran. He was lonely and homesick and had no plans for the holiday.

Jill invited him to celebrate with our family and he was overwhelmed with gratitude. He enjoyed the delicious feast, learned about this important American celebration, and told my sister she had given him the best day of his life! Her two daughters are carrying on her legacy of kindness!

Similarly, my son and I befriended a homeless man years ago in our town. I would make him sandwiches and my son would deliver them to the back of the mall where Elroy was living. I believe that my adult children and my grandson have continued this desire to perform acts of kindness.

However, I think we can all agree that the world needs a little more kindness, “but we are not setting up our future generations for success when we fill our world with negativity and divisiveness.” Mac Anderson, Founder of Inspire Kindness

Inspire Kindness is a lifestyle brand whose mission is to motivate daily goodness in individuals through inspiring stories and wearable messages. The online shop supports initiatives to educate and promote the power of kindness through the Kindness For Kids Foundation.

They will donate 10% of net profits from sales of the clothing, jewelry, home goods to this foundation , a public charity whose mission is to fund programs in elementary schools to teach students the power of kindness. (No more bullying?)

You can also become part of the change by joining the movement; you can sign up for free at Inspirekindness.com and receive weekly inspirational stories and ideas for being more intentional about acts of kindness. The goal is to bring people together.

If you need another reason, being kind is good for your health! There is a definite relationship between kindness and well being. The act of doing something for someone else releases endorphins and you experience the “helper’s high” which motivates you to do more acts of kindness and it is contagious. People who volunteer or help others have less depression, fewer aches and pains and are more prone to taking care of themselves physically.

Remember, every act of kindness creates a ripple with no end. We all have the power to engage, be involved and put kindness on the agenda. XOXO. Penny

Resources

World Kindness USA

The Kindness Advantage by Dr. Dale Atkins

Business wire.com. Inspire Kindness

Aging Beautifully cards by Margaret Manning

1. Don’t wear your hair longer than to your collarbone.
2. No red lipstick unless you have dark or olive skin. It’s aging.
3. No blue jeans for dinner out (black jeans are ok)
4. Don’t expose your knees and cover up. Don’t try to compete with 20 year olds.
5. Don’t wear anything strapless.
6. If you have a toned body, rock that bikini at the beach for as long as you like.
7. No miniskirts.
8. Don’t revisit a trend you lived through once before.
9. Don’t wear hats, except to keep the sun off your face. A hat makes it look like you are trying too hard to get noticed.
10. Wear fewer accessories and keep your look clean.

These are Ellen Barkin’s 10 Rules for Life After 50 (Pinterest)

What is the conundrum of fashion after 50? Can we look fabulous without trying to look younger? Where do we look for inspiration? Are we resigned to wearing only elegant neutrals? Do we need to follow some celebrity’s rules about how to dress?

Research on Pinterest led me to Ari Seth Cohen, a photographer, blogger and author of three books entitled Advanced style, Advanced Style: Older and Wiser (and most recently Advanced Love). Inspired by his beloved grandmother’s unique personal style, he wanted to portray people enjoying their 60s through 90s “with grace and panache” and “marching to the beat of their own drummer”.

There are beautiful photographs of women (and men) wearing bright colors, mixing patterns, wearing exotic hats, jewelry and unusual footwear, clearly not following anyone else’s rules, but having fun with fashion. Have I hit the Holy Grail?

I was totally intrigued and immediately thought of my mom. If she were alive, she would love these books. Wait, on second thought, she would be in this book.

Her essay in Advanced Style: Older and Wiser would have highlighted the following:

Bette Greenberg was forever a fashion icon. Her high school yearbook noted: what fashion decrees, she follows. As she got older, however, she blazed her own fashion path. She loved her glam and glitz and refused to follow the trends. She bought herself a bright yellow faux fur parka for NY visits in winter (from Florida) and loved how she looked (despite the fact that my children and I called it her “Big Bird coat”). Bette loved large, unusual accessories and could often be seen with 3 frog pins crawling down her sweater.

As women, we are constantly reinventing ourselves. As a teacher and paralegal, I dressed in classic styles (a la Ann Taylor). Today, I am more likely in Chicos or J.Jill’s comfy clothes (on sale, of course). My sister sang in a rock band in her early 50s and her clothes were more edgy and rock and roll.

We did not share our mom’s taste in fashion, but the lesson she taught us was clear. You don’t have to fit in with fashion; stand out and don’t be invisible. Wear what pleases you, makes you happy! Put on your purple fedora and red lipstick and wait for the compliments! Are you ready to celebrate the amazing woman you were meant to be? Let me know what you think about fashion rules. I love your feedback! XO Penny

Resources

Advanced Style by Ari Seth Cohen

Advanced Style: Older and Wiser by Ari Seth Cohen

Aging Beautifully Cards by Margaret Manning

“Choose your clothes consciously, as they are your outward expression to this world. Be bold in your own way.Dress for you and nobody else. Embrace colors, fabrics and patterns that make you shine!” Margaret Manning, Aging Beautifully.

I recently shared with you my mother’s love of Loehmann’s shopping. I believed she had special powers or radar that would direct her to the best deals and to the styles that best suited her and made her shine! Of course, it didn’t hurt that she shopped every day and made friends with the saleswomen who would put new items aside for her.

My sister and I inherited the “shopping gene” from my mom, but my daughter Jamie did not. It got me thinking…Is it the thrill of the hunt, or is it really genetic (23 and Me?) Don’t women love to shop and men love sports?

According to an evolutionary psychologist, Daniel Kruger, at the University of Michigan, it’s all in the genes; he argues that it’s natural for women to love to shop and men to hate it because of our evolutionary past. “ Men were hunters (conquering stuff) in our ancestral culture so when they find a satisfactory specimen, whether a deer, or a pair of shoes, they want to shoot it (get it) and leave before it gets away. Women, by contrast, were gatherers (finding stuff) so they feel the need to check every berry on the bush to make sure they are getting the best deal.”

However, shopping as in serious bargain hunting, is not a primordial urge. It began historically as an offshoot of advertising and commercialism and a way to encourage women to feel in charge, inviting them to make decisions and choices of their own.

“Shopping holds out the intoxicating promise of controlling one’s own destiny and getting what you really want”, says Polly Young-Eisendrath in “Ladies Love to Shop, I Know Why”. Is that really true or does the fashion industry want to make all the decisions for you so that you spend more money?

Love it or hate it, shopping has become a part of our lives for decades. Now in our fifties, sixties and beyond, we find ourselves with more time to shop when and how we want. As a result, I have been forced to put the parental controls on my tv for QVC and HSN (Home Shopping Network).

As an avid online shopper, my phone would automatically dial 1 800 345 1212, and even my Yorkie Lucky knew the phone number. Being retired and on a very fixed income has been a big adjustment; I am currently in withdrawal mode, not having any exposure for two months. It has not been easy, but is necessary. My bank account thanks me.

I have been taking the advice of a fellow blogger at chicatanyage.com and shopping my closet, as well as using accessories I already own to update my outfits and so far so good. If you are a boutique shopper, check out my friend Kelli’s new store opening next week in Setauket, New York called Collective Clothing Boutique.

As always, I welcome and appreciate your comments and feedback. I am scheduled for a second wrist surgery on Wednesday and hope to be back to blogging very soon. XOXO. Penny

Resources

Ladies Love to Shop and I Know Why by Polly Young-Eisendrath

Why Women Love to Shop Psychology Today

Sixtyandme.com. Aging Beautifully cards by Margaret Manning

“Life doesn’t come with a manual; it comes with a mother”. With Mother’s Day almost upon us, I have been pondering the important lessons I learned from my mom, especially about aging.

Bette Greenberg was not your typical sweet mom, especially as she got older. We knew she loved us, but she told it like it was, and didn’t sugar coat things. We were very different, and she had trouble understanding my sensitivity at times. But she taught me the following invaluable lessons:

1. Keep secrets from your husband. You don’t need to spill it all. She kept two secrets from my dad that she took to her grave. My dad gave her money every week to pay the cleaning woman. Mom would clean the house herself, pocket the money and go shopping at Loehmanns weekly and come home with new stylish bargains. My dad always admired her outfits; did he ever wonder how she had so many new clothes? The second lie was about the peach pie. Every Friday morning, she would buy a freshly baked peach pie at Walls Bakery. She would pretend it was home made and my dad loved her for baking it for him. (It was so perfect, how could he not know?). She also advised me to squirrel some money away weekly just in case!
2. When you reach age 50, it no longer matters what people think of you. When you celebrate your eightieth birthday, all bets are off. Case in point: During my visit to Florida, my mom and I bumped into two lovely sisters in Publix. They invited her to come to their home for lunch and Mah Jong. My mom’s response “thank you all the same, but I don’t like women.” What? How rude, you may say. My mom stated “I was only telling the truth”.
3. It’s ok to walk around the house naked or half dressed because it’s more comfortable. This relates back to #2. I truly believe Betty Greenberg was a nudist in a past life. She did not understand (or care) how disconcerting it was to share a meal staring at her bare chest.
4. I’ll worry when it’s time to worry! My mom had a good attitude about life. She refused to worry about things she had no control over until it became clear it was time to worry (for example, a definitive cancer diagnosis for my dad and later my sister). My children and I often use her words and try to adopt her philosophy, but it’s not so easy; we are by nature worriers.
5. Always look your best; you don’t know who you will meet. When my dad died at 68, my mom entered the dating world with fervor. She enjoyed the company of men (as we know, she didn’t like the company of women) and wanted to remarry. She kept a chart of dates she went on, and the outfits she wore so as not to repeat the clothes with the same guy. Crazy?
6. Eat ice cream for dinner. Life is short. I do think of mom when I am enjoying a big bowl of Haagen Daaz coffee ice cream for a summer nights dinner. Her favorites were butter pecan and Rocky Road.

Your Mother is Always With You

She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you are not feeling well; she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day; she’s the sound of rain that lulls you to sleep; the colors of a rainbow. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She is the place you came from, your first home, and she is the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you, not time, not space, not even death. Author unknown

Happy Mother’s Day to all! XO Penny

Always an avid reader, I devoured every Nancy Drew mystery and waited eagerly with my twin Jill for the bookmobile to come to our street weekly. We loved to look through and select new books to read.

I decided retirement was the perfect opportunity to join a book club. In fact, you may live longer, so says a report by UK researchers in the Guardian.com. People enjoy healthier lives if they maintain social bonds after they retire. Something like a book club where you regularly meet friends and chat can significantly reduce your risk of death in the first six years after retirement. Who knew? My guess is it has something to do with the red wine and dark chocolate we consume during the meetings!

If you need more convincing, here are 5 reasons to join a book club:

1. You meet interesting people. The trick is not to join a book club full of your best friends. You’ll learn more from drawing upon a wider range of individuals and you will probably end up talking about books to your close friends anyway.
2. You read books you may not otherwise read because people outside your immediate circle of friends are likely to have literary taste differing from your own. Even your reasons for not liking or not finishing a selection can create a lively discussion; diversity of opinion makes for a spirited conversation.
3. Some books need to be discussed (despite a New York Times article that reading should remain a private pursuit and that it has become too social.) Arguable?
4. You eat great food. Most book groups involve some sort of snacks and alcohol, some themes even following the culture or site of the story.
5. It’s fun just to chat. We all thrive on friendship as we grow older. Book clubs are a great excuse to make and keep friends.

Since retirement, I have joined 2 book groups which are as different as night and day. I belong to a book discussion group at the library which includes a few men and is comprised of professional retired seniors. We meet every 2 to 3 weeks from 10:00 am to 12:00 pm and it is very formal and structured. The leader actually has a gavel which she uses to keep order at times.

The books are long, scholarly and I am sometimes intimidated to raise my hand and offer my opinion. Everyone not only reads each book in depth, but also takes notes and marks passages to provide specific details and responses to questions. There is no food or alcohol involved; there is minimal side conversation or chit chat.

My second book club, on the other hand, is laid back, easy and fun. It is called “The No Pressure Book Club”, which I soon realized meant you don’t have to read the book! I am usually the only one who has read the book.

We meet once a month on a Friday night at alternate homes usually from 7:30 pm to 1:30 am. There is wine and tapas in abundance. we are all women ranging in age from 49 to 70. I am the only retiree (the reason they tell me I read every book—I have time). I knew only one person in the group when I joined and have met lovely women and good friends from this experience.

The No Pressure Book Club reminds me of a consciousness raising group I joined in the early 1970s when my children were young and I was looking to get out of the house and make friends. Women joined CR groups at that time in their desire to share, learn from, affiliate with and gain support from other women.

In this group too we share ideas, teach each other about skin care and makeup (me), meditation (Lori) and other ways to alleviate stress and deal with current life problems like aging parents or children having trouble committing to marriage and having their own children. We all look forward to the monthly meetings and agree that we have gained a great deal.

Do you want to live longer by reading books and sharing your thoughts with others? Are you already in a book club? I would love to know how you feel. Until next week…..XO Penny

Resources

You are Never too Old to Join a Book Club. Sixtyandme.com

5 Reasons to Join a Book Club. HuffPost.com

Consciousness Raising Groups in the 1970’s Psychology of Women Quarterly

BMJ Open (UK Medical Journal)The Guardian.com

I have a confession to make. I am not the neatest, most organized person. (I have many other good qualities). I remember paying my sister Jill to clean my side of the closet when we were growing up! So you can imagine my excitement in beginning the closet purge.

But it is a necessity. I live in a small two bedroom one bathroom condo with ample closet space. I literally have clothes in every closet, most of which have not seen the light of day in years. Do you agree that we basically wear our favorite comfortable outfits most of the time, with the rest just taking up space?

How should I begin? I follow a blog called Susanafter60 and decided to look there for guidance. Susan did a YouTube Video which takes her followers into her closet and demonstrates how it is organized by color, by dressy v. casual clothes and by season. To be honest, I would rather die than show you my closet now; I felt rather nauseated after watching her video. She is just too perfect and it suddenly felt so difficult and unattainable!

Next I turned to Marie Kondo the organizing consultant who created the KonMari Method, a system of simplifying and organizing your home by getting rid of physical items that don’t bring joy into your life.

The first step of her method instructs you to physically hold or touch items in your closet (or house) as you attempt to clean up clutter. Ask the question “Does it spark true joy”? She claims focusing on what you love creates more happiness in your life so that other items fall to the wayside.

I watched Mari Kondo’s YouTube Video on how to fold clothes. She advised “stroking the garment with your hands, touching it to communicate your love and affection for the item of clothing and for its continued support”. Really? Is this a pair of socks or a lover we are talking about?

Another rule in the KonMari Method is that you tidy all at once, like an entire weekend, rather than a little at a time. She even suggests locating every piece of clothing you have and laying it on the living room floor. I don’t think so! Also you must visualize the destination e.g. set concrete goals like “I want to live like a Goddess surrounded by beauty and harmony” rather than “I want to live in a clean house”. I’ll settle for the latter. Ok. So much for Marie Kondo and her KonMari Method.

More research revealed a recent article in the LA Times entitled “Can’t Kondo, Declutter Your Way for Your Own Sanity”. Now we’re talking! The journalist discusses a book by Gretchen Rubin which takes aim at the KonMari method because there is no single way to get your house in order. Different methods work for different people.

Everything in your house doesn’t have to spark joy (a plunger?) and you don’t have to tackle everything at once—that can feel insurmountable and cause more stress. Do it your way, whether it is cleaning one section or drawer per week or finishing it all on a Saturday. Once you get started, it energizes you and gets easier. Decluttering brings more focus, a boost of energy and positive feelings.

Rubin says to consider 3 big questions when deciding to keep an item or toss it.

Do I need it? Do I love it? Do I use it? If you haven’t worn the item in a year, donate it.

Because I donate to a family I know, there is another important query: Does this family need the item more than I do? That helps me to eliminate some clothes I am unsure about.

Let’s grab some trash bags and donation boxes and get started in making our closets (home) a center of calm, not chaos. I appreciate your feedback and welcome your comments, ideas and questions. XO Penny

Resources

Www.SusanAfter60

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Outer Order Inner Calm: Declutter and Organize to Make More Room for Happiness by Gretchen Rubin

Can’t Kondo, Declutter Your Way for Your Own Sanity by Melinda Fuller. LA Times, April 17, 2019

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend”. Melody Beattie

April is usually a tough month for me. My twin sister Jill and I were born on April 19th and the last birthday we celebrated together was 11 years ago. I am turning 70 this year—there I said it—and I was kind of dreading it (even though my friends say its just a number and look at the alternative). Passover is also this month, a holiday special to our 2 families and difficult without her.

Usually a positive and glass half full kind of person, I was choosing to dwell in the past of late. However, an event occurred yesterday that stopped me in my tracks and forced me to change my perspective.

My son and daughter planned a surprise early birthday gathering in New York City at a restaurant, Avra, (that my sister loved) and invited her family too. My boyfriend was in on the secret and managed to convince me we needed to meet his old friends for brunch. Our families shared a wonderful meal, took a long walk and ended up in the theater district with tickets for Waitress, the Musical.

It was a special day that I will remember always, and it reminded me of something important: the power of gratitude. In the hustle of our to do lists and work deadlines, we block out details of the day forgetting that each day holds precious gifts, something to be thankful for. It’s a choice to live with gratitude. It’s not always a natural state of existence; we must work at it.

In his book “Words of Gratitude for Mind, Body and Soul”, Robert Emmons states “learning how to experience gratitude involves being grateful as an attitude, not as a reaction when good things occur. It could be that the act of being grateful, in itself, makes one receptive to life’s blessings and these blessing continue as we continue to be thankful”.

In fact, research shows that gratitude is good for our brains and our bodies. The hypothalamus ( the part of our brain that regulates bodily functions such as appetite, sleep, metabolism and growth) is activated when we feel gratitude. Our brain becomes flooded with a chemical called dopamine, a natural high. These neurological benefits open the doors to many health benefits including reduced anxiety and depression, better sleep, increased energy and vitality, stress relief, decreased pain levels and boosts in our immune systems.

Other benefits of practicing gratitude are improvement of relationships and self esteem as well as enhancing empathy and reducing aggression.

Whether its accomplished by keeping a gratitude journal, or orally reminding yourself each morning or night of 3 things you are thankful for each day, practicing gratitude is doable. Remember Oprah’s words “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough!” I need to go write in my gratitude journal. Next week, we purge our closets! XO. Penny

Resources

Life Changing Benefits of a Gratitude Practice Psychology Today

Words of Gratitude For Mind, Body and Soul by Robert Emmons