Month: May 2019

1. Don’t wear your hair longer than to your collarbone.
2. No red lipstick unless you have dark or olive skin. It’s aging.
3. No blue jeans for dinner out (black jeans are ok)
4. Don’t expose your knees and cover up. Don’t try to compete with 20 year olds.
5. Don’t wear anything strapless.
6. If you have a toned body, rock that bikini at the beach for as long as you like.
7. No miniskirts.
8. Don’t revisit a trend you lived through once before.
9. Don’t wear hats, except to keep the sun off your face. A hat makes it look like you are trying too hard to get noticed.
10. Wear fewer accessories and keep your look clean.

These are Ellen Barkin’s 10 Rules for Life After 50 (Pinterest)

What is the conundrum of fashion after 50? Can we look fabulous without trying to look younger? Where do we look for inspiration? Are we resigned to wearing only elegant neutrals? Do we need to follow some celebrity’s rules about how to dress?

Research on Pinterest led me to Ari Seth Cohen, a photographer, blogger and author of three books entitled Advanced style, Advanced Style: Older and Wiser (and most recently Advanced Love). Inspired by his beloved grandmother’s unique personal style, he wanted to portray people enjoying their 60s through 90s “with grace and panache” and “marching to the beat of their own drummer”.

There are beautiful photographs of women (and men) wearing bright colors, mixing patterns, wearing exotic hats, jewelry and unusual footwear, clearly not following anyone else’s rules, but having fun with fashion. Have I hit the Holy Grail?

I was totally intrigued and immediately thought of my mom. If she were alive, she would love these books. Wait, on second thought, she would be in this book.

Her essay in Advanced Style: Older and Wiser would have highlighted the following:

Bette Greenberg was forever a fashion icon. Her high school yearbook noted: what fashion decrees, she follows. As she got older, however, she blazed her own fashion path. She loved her glam and glitz and refused to follow the trends. She bought herself a bright yellow faux fur parka for NY visits in winter (from Florida) and loved how she looked (despite the fact that my children and I called it her “Big Bird coat”). Bette loved large, unusual accessories and could often be seen with 3 frog pins crawling down her sweater.

As women, we are constantly reinventing ourselves. As a teacher and paralegal, I dressed in classic styles (a la Ann Taylor). Today, I am more likely in Chicos or J.Jill’s comfy clothes (on sale, of course). My sister sang in a rock band in her early 50s and her clothes were more edgy and rock and roll.

We did not share our mom’s taste in fashion, but the lesson she taught us was clear. You don’t have to fit in with fashion; stand out and don’t be invisible. Wear what pleases you, makes you happy! Put on your purple fedora and red lipstick and wait for the compliments! Are you ready to celebrate the amazing woman you were meant to be? Let me know what you think about fashion rules. I love your feedback! XO Penny

Resources

Advanced Style by Ari Seth Cohen

Advanced Style: Older and Wiser by Ari Seth Cohen

Aging Beautifully Cards by Margaret Manning

“Choose your clothes consciously, as they are your outward expression to this world. Be bold in your own way.Dress for you and nobody else. Embrace colors, fabrics and patterns that make you shine!” Margaret Manning, Aging Beautifully.

I recently shared with you my mother’s love of Loehmann’s shopping. I believed she had special powers or radar that would direct her to the best deals and to the styles that best suited her and made her shine! Of course, it didn’t hurt that she shopped every day and made friends with the saleswomen who would put new items aside for her.

My sister and I inherited the “shopping gene” from my mom, but my daughter Jamie did not. It got me thinking…Is it the thrill of the hunt, or is it really genetic (23 and Me?) Don’t women love to shop and men love sports?

According to an evolutionary psychologist, Daniel Kruger, at the University of Michigan, it’s all in the genes; he argues that it’s natural for women to love to shop and men to hate it because of our evolutionary past. “ Men were hunters (conquering stuff) in our ancestral culture so when they find a satisfactory specimen, whether a deer, or a pair of shoes, they want to shoot it (get it) and leave before it gets away. Women, by contrast, were gatherers (finding stuff) so they feel the need to check every berry on the bush to make sure they are getting the best deal.”

However, shopping as in serious bargain hunting, is not a primordial urge. It began historically as an offshoot of advertising and commercialism and a way to encourage women to feel in charge, inviting them to make decisions and choices of their own.

“Shopping holds out the intoxicating promise of controlling one’s own destiny and getting what you really want”, says Polly Young-Eisendrath in “Ladies Love to Shop, I Know Why”. Is that really true or does the fashion industry want to make all the decisions for you so that you spend more money?

Love it or hate it, shopping has become a part of our lives for decades. Now in our fifties, sixties and beyond, we find ourselves with more time to shop when and how we want. As a result, I have been forced to put the parental controls on my tv for QVC and HSN (Home Shopping Network).

As an avid online shopper, my phone would automatically dial 1 800 345 1212, and even my Yorkie Lucky knew the phone number. Being retired and on a very fixed income has been a big adjustment; I am currently in withdrawal mode, not having any exposure for two months. It has not been easy, but is necessary. My bank account thanks me.

I have been taking the advice of a fellow blogger at chicatanyage.com and shopping my closet, as well as using accessories I already own to update my outfits and so far so good. If you are a boutique shopper, check out my friend Kelli’s new store opening next week in Setauket, New York called Collective Clothing Boutique.

As always, I welcome and appreciate your comments and feedback. I am scheduled for a second wrist surgery on Wednesday and hope to be back to blogging very soon. XOXO. Penny

Resources

Ladies Love to Shop and I Know Why by Polly Young-Eisendrath

Why Women Love to Shop Psychology Today

Sixtyandme.com. Aging Beautifully cards by Margaret Manning

“Life doesn’t come with a manual; it comes with a mother”. With Mother’s Day almost upon us, I have been pondering the important lessons I learned from my mom, especially about aging.

Bette Greenberg was not your typical sweet mom, especially as she got older. We knew she loved us, but she told it like it was, and didn’t sugar coat things. We were very different, and she had trouble understanding my sensitivity at times. But she taught me the following invaluable lessons:

1. Keep secrets from your husband. You don’t need to spill it all. She kept two secrets from my dad that she took to her grave. My dad gave her money every week to pay the cleaning woman. Mom would clean the house herself, pocket the money and go shopping at Loehmanns weekly and come home with new stylish bargains. My dad always admired her outfits; did he ever wonder how she had so many new clothes? The second lie was about the peach pie. Every Friday morning, she would buy a freshly baked peach pie at Walls Bakery. She would pretend it was home made and my dad loved her for baking it for him. (It was so perfect, how could he not know?). She also advised me to squirrel some money away weekly just in case!
2. When you reach age 50, it no longer matters what people think of you. When you celebrate your eightieth birthday, all bets are off. Case in point: During my visit to Florida, my mom and I bumped into two lovely sisters in Publix. They invited her to come to their home for lunch and Mah Jong. My mom’s response “thank you all the same, but I don’t like women.” What? How rude, you may say. My mom stated “I was only telling the truth”.
3. It’s ok to walk around the house naked or half dressed because it’s more comfortable. This relates back to #2. I truly believe Betty Greenberg was a nudist in a past life. She did not understand (or care) how disconcerting it was to share a meal staring at her bare chest.
4. I’ll worry when it’s time to worry! My mom had a good attitude about life. She refused to worry about things she had no control over until it became clear it was time to worry (for example, a definitive cancer diagnosis for my dad and later my sister). My children and I often use her words and try to adopt her philosophy, but it’s not so easy; we are by nature worriers.
5. Always look your best; you don’t know who you will meet. When my dad died at 68, my mom entered the dating world with fervor. She enjoyed the company of men (as we know, she didn’t like the company of women) and wanted to remarry. She kept a chart of dates she went on, and the outfits she wore so as not to repeat the clothes with the same guy. Crazy?
6. Eat ice cream for dinner. Life is short. I do think of mom when I am enjoying a big bowl of Haagen Daaz coffee ice cream for a summer nights dinner. Her favorites were butter pecan and Rocky Road.

Your Mother is Always With You

She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you are not feeling well; she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day; she’s the sound of rain that lulls you to sleep; the colors of a rainbow. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She is the place you came from, your first home, and she is the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you, not time, not space, not even death. Author unknown

Happy Mother’s Day to all! XO Penny