Month: April 2020

“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time”.

Sunday was my birthday. Birthdays are like life. Some birthdays are life-changing, wonderful events that give our lives meaning. The day I was born, for example. On April 19, 1949, Bette and Leonard Greenberg were happily expecting one baby. Ten minutes later, I followed my sister into the world. The obstetrician charged an extra penny for my delivery and that is how I got my name. Yes, my real name is Penny, not Penelope or Priscilla. I love that story!

Or my last year’s big birthday trip to Israel–definitely wonderful and meaningful. Other birthdays are ordinary, or even terrible, unforgettable in a negative way, like my thirtieth birthday when I had stomach poisoning. Or April 19, 1993 when Waco Texas went up in flames, or April 19, 1995, the day of the Oklahoma City bombing of the federal building killing one hundred and sixty-eight people, including nineteen children.

I wondered, “what would this birthday be like in the age of Covid 19?” The coronavirus is definitely a party pooper. People are trying to celebrate their birthday, but social distancing won’t let them–no more hugs or kisses under quarantine. I did some research and Good Housekeeping magazine had eleven virtual birthday party ideas.

Show your love with a card. Send an e-card using services like Hallmark e-cards or Paperless Post.

Make a Happy Birthday video montage using a service like Tribute. Ask friends and family to record all their birthday wishes and Tribute will put them together and mail your birthday person a video card. It’s like a traditional audio card that has a thin video screen.

Host a virtual birthday party on Zoom. Set up a meeting on Zoom and invite all your friends for a virtual happy hour. Tell the guest of honor to sign on a little later than everyone else and sing Happy Birthday, when they log on. My boyfriend’s daughter set up a Zoom party for her three year old’s birthday party. We were all on board to sing and watch adorable Averie eat her cake.

Deliver champagne to their doorstep. Try a site like ReserveBar available in many parts of the country.

Host a Netflix party. If you love movies, download a Netflix Party extension in Chrome. You and friends can watch the same movie at the same time plus a chat room so you can discuss the film after.

Do a drive by or have a birthday parade. My daughter’s friend planned such an event for her nine year old son. Everyone decked out their car with banners and signs and balloons and honked and yelled happy birthday.

Take a virtual trip to the museum. Learn something new. You can see exhibits at the Louvre, the Vatican or the San Diego Zoo. Set up a group chat.

Write them a song or poem and present it via video chat.

Get glam. Set a theme for your virtual party like Hollywood glam or rock and roll and dress the part.

Send a dessert. Support a local bakery or restaurant by ordering delivery of a special cake or a decadent dessert from your favorite place.

Do a group workout at home. Dozens of yoga studios, gyms, Zumba instructors are offering free live streaming workouts. Have everyone log on to the same one and connect on Zoom for brunch after.

I loved these ideas! I also loved a picture someone posted of a white cake in the shape of a roll of toilet paper with three round brown (presumably chocolate) balls surrounding the cake. Very creative!

How did I celebrate? My daughter had our immediate family and my boyfriend over for a late lunch of meatball pizza, yummy salad and Carvel cake in the back yard. We appropriately distanced and refrained from the usual hugging and kissing. My grandson learned how to play Happy Birthday on the piano and serenaded me twice. I received beautiful flowers, but realized that the love of family is the only birthday gift I will ever need. It reminded me of this quote I shared on Facebook. “I think that when the dust settles, we will realize how little we need, how very much we actually have, and the value of human connection”.

“Because time itself is like a spiral. Something special happens on your birthday each year–the same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again”. Menachem Mendel Schneerson

We can’t pretend that there is not a worldwide pandemic. We can’t change the fact that our lives are altered or deny that it will take time to recover. But we can choose how we think about it and what our mindset is. And in choice, there is power.

We can choose to see the isolation as an act of love. All over the world people are staying in their homes with the sole purpose of stopping the spread of the virus. Everyone is united in this one purpose. This shift in mindset can help to lift our mood.

Similarly, we can change one word to shift our mindset. Change “have” in our daily discourse to “get”. I have to stay home because of social distancing and our country’s isolation policy becomes I get to stay home to protect my community from the spread of the coronavirus. I have to cancel all my appointments becomes I get to reschedule my appointments and now I have more time to write my book. I have to stop eating out with my boyfriend becomes I get to order delivery and support local businesses (and try all those recipes I have been collecting on Pinterest).

The most difficult challenge to everyone facing a pandemic is existential in that “it refers to your ability to face a crisis with competence and understanding of where your life is now and where it may be going after it is over”. This existential crisis tests your strength and your resilience. This is a time to take stock of who we are. “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened”. It is a difficult challenge, but knowing yourself reduces panic and anxiety.

As baby boomers, we have the luxury of taking time to process our feelings and to reflect on the present and how it may change our future. Unlike our adult children, we are not balancing the demands of working from home with home schooling children. And millennials are feeling pressure now to “organize every room in the home, become an expert home chef, write a prize winning novel and get in shape with internet pushup challenges. “The internet wants you to believe you aren’t doing enough with all that extra time you have now, but staying home and attending to your basic needs is plenty”. We all need to practice self care during these challenging times.

Some good advice on managing your emotional health during difficult times is the following:

Align your needs with what is happening in the present.

Analyze your resources e.g. what is available to you in the present.

Stay in the present–worry will not help to end the crisis any sooner.

Be with your own thoughts and process your feelings without being reactive.

Stay calm; think of the crisis as a human correction in your life. Every crisis shakes loose the old order and demands a review of old mindsets and opinions.

Are you sensing a pattern here? present, present, present. We have time to deal with the future. As a previous lifelong worrier, two events cured me of that terrible affliction: my twin sister’s untimely death and taking the Dale Carnegie course after law school graduation at the age of forty.

Aside from Carnegie’s positive affirmation regarding making lemonade when life throws you lemons, I live by his advice to “live in day tight compartments”. We need to discipline ourselves to focus our thinking on the here and now and taking action. We can all get through one day at a time.

Sending virtual hugs to you all. Stay safe and healthy! XO Penny

“You didn’t make it this far by giving up when the going got tough. The future will be filled with challenges waiting to become opportunities. Embrace them!” Margaret Manning, Sixtyandme.com

Resources

“How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, by Dale Carnegie

“Stop Trying to Be Productive”, by Taylor Lorenz The New York Times

“Manage Your Mental and Emotional Health in Difficult Times”, by Joan Francis Moran sixtyandme.com

“Three Mindset Shift Strategies to Help Any Extrovert Settle in the Time of Coronavirus”, by Jude Walsh sixtyandme.com