Reading Rocks!

“I have lived a thousand lives and I have loved a thousand loves. I’ve walked on distant worlds and seen the end of time….. Because I read.” George R. R. Martin

“Daddy, read us some more of “The Bobbsey Twins”, please, please!” My journey with books began at an early age. From the age of three or four, my dad would read to my twin sister and me from our favorite book each night before bed. At age seven my mom took me (not my sister) to the library to read about going to the hospital for my eye surgery. It was important to her that I be prepared and see that other children had to do this too. (Unlike my neighbor who told her four year old son he was going to the circus and instead he ended up in the hospital having his tonsils removed)! You can’t make that up.

I graduated to chapter books like Cherry Ames, nurse series and of course my beloved mystery series Nancy Drew. I still love mystery books and have read many series such as all of Sue Grafton’s books as an adult reader.

The library was my sanctuary, a quiet place to explore and learn, a place where you could get lost in someone else’s world for awhile. The tween years were difficult and books helped to navigate through this time. My favorite book was “The Pink Dress” by Anne Alexander. It dealt with a fourteen year old girl and how her life turned upside down the night she attended her school’s Peppermint Prom (in of course, the pink dress), and the coolest boy in junior high asked her to dance.

It was published in 1959 and recently issued on Kindle for $19.99 after sought after copies were selling for between $200.00 and $800.00. I guess I wasn’t the only one who loved the book. It was my first foray into romance like the movie “Sixteen Candles” was for my daughter Jamie.

Similarly, I remember loving the Rosamond Du Jardin books about twin sisters Penny and Pam Howard: “Double Date”, “Double Feature”, “Double Wedding” (you get the idea), all written in the 1950’s. (By the way, the hardcover of “Double Wedding” sells for $80.00 on Amazon if you choose to buy it for your granddaughter).

What fun to revisit the 1950’s. If our grandchildren read these books, it would be like historical fiction to them. How things were for young people in that era. Simple stories, nice escape from modern times. The mindset of the 1950’s was so different. In “The Pink Dress”, it was actually written that “girls don’t call boys because it cheapens them”. What??????

Things seemed much simpler in some respects….stay at home moms, dads who arrived home at the same time each night for family dinner with one telephone located in the kitchen for the whole family. The books did deal with the issues that repeat themselves throughout the generations–adolescent dilemmas like girls and boys and popularity and dating.

It makes me happy that my ten year old grandson Jesse shares my passion for reading (and writing). It seems to have skipped a generation. His vocabulary and grammar are very advanced for fourth grade due to the fact that he reads extensively. He loves basketball and other sports, but also loves sitting on his bed and reading. As Dr. Seuss told us :”The more you read, the more you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go”.

As an adult, my taste runs more towards historical fiction as “the historical novelist exposes the reader to inner lives of people across time and place and in doing so, illuminates history’s untold stories, allowing the reader to experience a more complex truth.”

“Anya, by Susan Fromberg Schaeffer was a book I devoured in my early thirties that had a tremendous impact on me, so much so that I wrote a letter to the author. I could not get Anya out of my head. Maybe it was because it was one of the first books I had read about the Holocaust, or maybe it was so descriptive of places and feelings in exquisite detail that you felt as if you were with Anya in the ghetto in Poland. It was called a “triumph of realism in art” by the New York Times Book Review. I ordered a copy from Thrift Books and plan to reread it when it arrives to see if I still feel the magic.

Finally, my recent historical fiction read was equally unforgettable. “The Four Winds”, by Kristin Hannah took place in a period of time about which I knew very little. It was set in the 1930’s during the Dust Bowl in Texas at the time of The Great Depression. The book focuses on Elsa Martinelli and her daughter Loreda as they try to survive the complete destruction of life as they knew it.

When Elsa’s weak husband abandons them, and her young son almost dies from dust pneumonia, Elsa moves the family from Dust Bowl devastated Texas to California for a better life. She quickly finds that the supposed land of milk and honey does not treat these migrants (or Okies) with kindness or dignity. Like “Anya”, “The Four Winds” deals with a terrible time in history, an enduring battle between the haves and the have nots. In both novels, the hardships, losses, lack of basic necessities and shameful prejudice are hard to witness.

But the overriding message in both books in that human beings can survive against all odds and that love for the family survives everything. Anya, and Loreda and her mom become fiercely strong women and this theme seems to connect the historical fiction I enjoy most.

Loreda speaking about her mother Elsa is so eloquent and powerful: “Her story, which is the story of a time, and a land and the indomitable will of a people is my story; two lives woven together, and like any good story, ours will begin and end and begin again. Love is what remains.”

I must add a footnote that the author added at the end of “The Four Winds”. “As I write this book, it is May, 2020 and the world is battling the coronavirus pandemic. Three years ago, I began writing this novel about hard times in America; the worst environmental disaster in our history; the collapse of the economy; the effect of massive unemployment. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the Great Depression would become so relevant in our modern lives, that I would see so many people out of work, in need and frightened for the future.” I guess history does repeat itself.

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Living Alone and Loving It

It all started with Marvin Gaye. You are now scratching your head and thinking how does living alone relate to Marvin Gaye and where is she going with this? His song “What’s Going On”, which was released in 1971, has been played a lot lately. It is a wonderful song which is indisputably relevant today. Marvin Gaye’s masterpiece began as a reaction to police brutality and its 50th anniversary coincides with the first anniversary of the most blatant example of police brutality filmed for the world to see!

The year 1971, 50th anniversary. OMG. I would have been married fifty years this month had we not divorced in 2003 (we made it to 32 years). I salute all my friends who are at or near their fiftieth year together. I am happy for all of you.

But I remember how terrible George was at nurturing and caring for me (or his mother, or anyone for that matter). When my eye was bleeding, he dropped me off at the doctor’s office, too busy to wait with me as he had an important business meeting. When I had an allergic reaction to clams and scotch and was vomiting into a wastebasket, he told me that it was anxiety. He left me alone in the house and went flying with his friend. My friend Elayne took me to the hospital. When my back went out and I had to crawl to the bathroom, he left for work without bringing me any breakfast. You get the picture! If we were still married guess who would be taking care of whom?

This blog post, however, is not about George’s shortcomings as a husband or about my jubilation that we will not be celebrating on June 27th. It is about why I choose to live alone at this stage of my life and why I enjoy it. And I have discovered that I am not alone in feeling this way.

In 1981, Lynn Shahan, an educator and guidance counselor wrote a book entitled “Living Alone and Liking It”. It was a best seller and described as a survival guide for single life combining Dear Abby and Dale Carnegie. Her perspective, however, was that no one would actually choose to live alone if they had an alternative and her book dealt with how to make the best of a bad situation.

Some things haven’t changed since 1981; loneliness is the first sensation that most new singles feel and the suggestions back then are the same ones psychologists suggest today: develop new hobbies, make new friends, take classes and join groups that meet your interests.

What has changed is the number of people living alone. Fifteen million single person households were reported during the 1977 census, double the number from 1960. In 2016, an estimated 36 million single person households were in the U.S. Something else that has changed is the number of older Americans who choose to live alone. There is even a new term–aging in place. Nearly 30% of 46 million older people who live in a community (as opposed to a nursing home)live alone. About one half the people 85 and older live alone.

In her book entitled “Living Alone and Loving It”, Barbara Feldon (Secret Agent 99 from Get Smart), wrote eloquently about her joy in living alone. It took her awhile to get there, though.

“Living alone deserves our praise. It is an opportunity to take the raw material of time and sculpt it like Play Doh. We can bask in a pool of solitude or invite the world to join us. We can create, travel, learn and change direction as playfully as sea otters; we can discover who we are and freely strive toward whom we might become. Most beautifully, living alone is an invitation to freely connect with others. Living alone wins hands down in terms of personal blossoming and rewarding friendships”.

Similarly, in an article in AARP entitled “9 Myths About Living Alone”, Eric Klinenberg, a psychologist debunked the following myths:

  1. Older people living alone are lonely, unhappy and isolated: A study of 3,000 Americans aged 57 to 85 discovered that those who live alone are more likely to socialize with friends and neighbors than their married peers.
  2. Aging alone leaves people extra-vulnerable if their health fails: Not true. Single people who have built strong social networks (most do) turn to their friends to support them in times of illness.
  3. Women who live alone are dying to get married: Nope. Single life is a more attractive option than marriage with an unsatisfactory partner. Older women, especially widows who nursed a dying spouse often decline a boyfriend’s marriage proposal. They are more interested in having someone to go out with than someone to come home to.

Some interesting comments were made with regard to this topic in the San Clemente Times. Tom Blake asked his e-newsletter readers for their opinions on whether single women 65 plus prefer to live alone. I loved these:

“Humans our age are set in their ways. Sex is nice but not necessary (at least for women).” I don’t know that I agree with that one!

“Separation of incomes becomes tricky and sharing of living space–unless the space is huge–would be difficult”.

“I know many older women who want companionship but are worried about living together. Many are afraid of taking on household chores or losing financial independence.”

“I was married for 42 wonderful years and was caregiver for the last 6 years of my husband’s life. I have no desire to live with another man. I enjoy male company but do not want to share my home.”

“I would live with a man for a few days each week plus trips and adventures. But full time? No thank you. I am too independent and happy.”

“It’s a trade-off. We get a roof, they get a slave. Not for me. My ex never cleaned his toilet. He never cleaned anything but his car every Sunday morning which prevented him from going to church with me.” Hah!

“No, once is enough. Can’t see how any man over 60 could offer anything that would make moving in worthwhile.”

Or my mother-in-law’s view that “I don’t want to be a nurse or a purse!”

As for me,I like to be alone. I enjoy the freedom and the solitude. My dog Linus is a good companion and gets me up and walking a few times a day. He gives me unconditional love, listens to me sing (offkey), explain, complain and never criticizes me and I can do no wrong in his eyes. I love the fact that I don’t have to consult someone else to eat, sleep, watch my guilty pleasure show “Married at First Sight Australia” or eat pretzels in bed (George’s pet peeve was crumbs in the bed).

I am lucky. I have the best of both worlds. I have a wonderful companion in Rich and my own space and peaceful existence when I get home at night. I wouldn’t have it any other way! XO Penny