“Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it–just as we have learned to live with storms.” Paulo Coelho
I am no stranger to anxiety; I have experienced it throughout my life. At thirty years old, I began having vertigo-like dizzy spells. Everything seemed to be going along as usual before this occurred. As you can imagine, I consulted every type of specialist imaginable thinking the worst. All physical ailments were ruled out. It was diagnosed as anxiety. But what did I have to be anxious about? I had a lovely life, with a husband and two adorable children. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was keeping my unhappiness and loneliness in my marriage to myself, afraid to admit those scary feelings to myself. My voice was silent, but my body was speaking up.
I did experience two anxiety-related incidents prior to my thirties. One, before my first day of classes at Syracuse University. My throat closed up after eating a hot dog at a freshman mixer. I ended up in the infirmary with a shot of adrenalin. The second incident occurred a few weeks before my wedding with the same scenario. I should have known. It seems my body sends me clues–I hated Syracuse, transferring to Boston University after my first year, and you all know how my marriage turned out.
You could say I was genetically programmed for anxiety attacks. My father, my twin sister and many family members have been afflicted. My mom’s family and friends advised her not to marry my father because of his family’s history of depression. Indeed, according to epidemiologists, one third of the population is affected by anxiety during their lifetime.
My mom was one of the lucky ones; she had difficulty understanding what we went through. That feeling that something wrong is about to happen even though everything seems fine and you have no reason to worry. That pressure on your chest that makes it hard to breathe (even mimicking a heart attack). The racing heart palpitations, dizziness, clamminess, and a myriad of other physical symptoms. The feeling of anticipatory anxiety, that you have even when you are feeling better, that it is always there waiting to rear its ugly head. Anxiety is an emotional/physical response when your thoughts attach to fear.
Anxiety can keep you feeling trapped. When you feel this way, it is difficult to know how or believe you will ever feel better. But studies show that there are six simple steps to defeat anxiety and take back your life.
- Acknowledge your anxiety: When you hide your feelings, you perpetuate these feelings by assuming it is your fault. Untrue. There is nothing wrong with who you are. You are a valuable, special person who suffers from anxiety. Share your feelings with a friend, family member or your doctor. Medecine and/or therapy may be prescribed. Go to an online support group and share your feelings with others who are also suffering. It’s good to realize that you are not alone.
- Learn strategies to immediately deal with the symptoms. Mind-body research shows the words you use have a powerful effect on how you feel. Most anxiety sufferers use victim words, e.g. negative words that destroy self esteem and promote a loss of control. These words are can’t, always, never, should. Victim words create a negative self fulfilling prophecy that perpetuate the anxiety and physical symptoms. Acknowledge what you are feeling and tell yourself “I know what this is and I know it will pass”.
- Replace victim words with power language, e.g. words that promote feelings of self-worth and personal power. Instead of “I can’t control my anxiety” say I can control my anxiety and I am learning skills to conquer it. ” Why do I always feel so anxious” becomes “I often feel anxious but not all of the time.”
- Tone your inner power daily; it is like a muscle. The more you use it, the more toned it becomes and the more you can accomplish. With practice, these new skills become automatic.
- Set small goals that you can accomplish to build your confidence. For example, if you want to begin to meditate, start by practicing deep breathing at one minute intervals three or four times a day instead of for a longer period.
- The perfect time to begin conquering your anxiety is right now. Don’t wait until you are symptom free or feeling energetic. Take the first step.
In the age of Coronavirus, anxiety is high. Our fearful thoughts may actually serve us. They may help us in keeping our distance from others and in being scrupulous about hand washing and masking up. However, one of the most prevalent fears people have is the fear of losing control, e.g. that if you don’t manage to control the outcome of future events, something terrible will happen. The main problem here is the demand for certainty in a world that is tentative and uncertain (surviving a pandemic of this magnitude)
.Losing control was a huge cause of anxiety for me as a single woman living alone, after I fractured my wrists and needed multiple surgeries. I felt helpless and frustrated because I had to rely on my friends and family for everything. In addition, I blamed myself for falling down in the first place. How could I be so careless, not once but twice. Would my wrists ever heal? Would I ever get my life back? What would happen in the future?
First, I learned that we cannot predict with certainty what is by nature, uncertain–the future. I had to resign myself to living with probabilities, not guarantees. My left wrist is still painful at times, my fingers are gnarled on that hand, but luckily I am right hand dominant.
Second, I learned to accept myself as an imperfect being who is inherently subject to making mistakes (and I avoid tripping over speed bumps at all cost).
Third, I learned to stop worrying because only certain things are in my control. Try this exercise by reflecting on what anxious thoughts you have based on unknowns in the future? Ask yourself: What is causing me distress and anxiety? Does it have something to do with my fear of uncertainty and what could go wrong in the future? Try a new way of thinking. ” I am okay in this moment”. Keep your thoughts in the present and release your need to know the future. Accepting uncertainty allows you to remain present in the moment. The more you need to know the future, the more anxious you will become. Dale Carnegie’s words ring true. “Live in day tight compartments”.
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor”. Thich Nhat Hanh