”A memoir forces me to stop and remember carefully. It is an exercise in truth. In a memoir, I look at myself, my life and the people I love most in the mirror of a blank screen. In a memoir, feelings are more important than facts and to write honestly, I have to confront my demons.” Isabel Allende
For the past two years, I have been writing my memoir, which is almost completed. It has been a labor of love, cathartic, but difficult at times to relive certain life events. It has been for the most part a worthwhile experience, one I would recommend to others.
What is a memoir and how is it different from an autobiography? A memoir is not a summary of your life like an autobiography. It is a window into a part of your life in its selective composition. It tends to focus on a particular time in the author’s life or a particular facet of their existence. A memoir’s takeaway is a gift to the reader, something heartfelt, universal and true.
”There are subtle moments of observation about the world around you, a wrapping up of an experience through a lesson learned and a sharing of the way something impacted you. A good takeaway of a memoir is mirroring—a way of relaying we are not alone and the world is a crazy place, isn’t it?”
My memoir focuses on my post-divorce (age 52 to 66) experiences in the world of dating, the challenges and mistakes I made along the way. I point out the pitfalls and perils and hope that the reader will learn from my mistakes and proceed with caution. It offers the reader useful insights to adapt to their own life with a valuable takeaway message.
Of course, an analysis of my growing up as a twin in the 1950’s plays a part in my story how I became divorced in my early fifties. I read that writing your memoir is a gift to yourself and to those with whom you have shared a walk down different paths. The memoir is dedicated to my twin sister Jill who shared my path and continues to be with me every day in my heart and mind. I felt her presence at the computer as I wrote my story and used her input.
There are health benefits to writing your story as well. Clinical studies show that people who wrote about emotional events in their lives for twenty minutes a day for four consecutive days showed increases in therapeutic T cells for the following six weeks. Other values received are catharsis, gratitude, completion and redemption.
Writing a memoir is easier than you think; you have something important to say. We learn more from reading about ordinary people who coped with grief, illness, poverty and other challenges than the life of a celebrity.
Just remember the five elements of a memoir. It tells a compelling story, using a theme, told in the first person point of view, a narrative voice, with memory and musing, offering the reader useful insights to adapt to their own lives. A list of must read memoirs to get you started are the following: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Night by Elie Wiesel, Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank, and I Am Malala.
My memoir entitled ”My Life in Dating After Fifty: A Cautionary Tale” is in the final stages. I will keep you posted…
Check out my friend Susan Doris Gold’s new book ”Valiant Choices”, a unique family saga structured as a fictional memoir. It is a great read by a wonderful author.
”Everyones life forms a unique metaphorical fingerprint onto the universe. And like fingerprints, no two lives are exactly alike. The unique story of your life is yours to tell.” Howard Fishman