Month: August 2019

Life Is So Short

“We spend so much time sweating the small stuff; worrying, complaining, gossiping, comparing, wishing, wanting and waiting for something bigger and better instead of focusing on all the simple blessings that surround us everyday. Life is so fragile and all it takes is a single moment to change everything you take for granted. Focus on what’s important. You are blessed! Believe it! Live your life and leave no regrets”! Melanie Koulouris

Two incidents happened recently that reminded me of this post I had seen and shared on Facebook- silly, unimportant, trivial things which brings up the point that too many people do not live by this important philosophy.

First, my upstairs neighbor, Mr. Curmudgeon (not his real name), approached me to lament the fact that the grass in front of our condo building is yellow, due to too many dogs peeing there. He once told the board I was sneaking dogs into my unit when my daughter visited with her Beanie. He accused me then of getting another dog. We are allowed to have dogs! His second complaint was that the bushes in front of the other buildings are much nicer than ours and it’s not fair. He angrily said “and you don’t even care”. The truth is I had to agree with him. In the scheme of things, I don’t care!

Second, I was dining in a local restaurant with a good friend who is short on patience. She became irate because we waited for our first course and the second course was brought over before we had finished our soup, despite her warning the waitress that this would be unacceptable. The waitress was very accommodating and took back the second course until we were ready for it, after my friend had made her displeasure obvious. As an easy going person, I have trouble understanding this reaction—it’s only a meal. I told my friend life is too short to take issue with small things. I say it often now, but I was guilty of worrying about little things and wasting precious time until eleven years ago.

Watching my sister Jill fade away, month by month, week by week, and day by day, helpless to save her, changed me in so many ways. But most importantly, it changed my perspective on life. After she died, I refused to waste one more moment on worrying or sweating the small stuff.

Prior to that, I remember waking early every single Sunday when I began teaching ESL. Full of anxiety, I would take the entire day to plan lessons and obsess over which activity to do first, second, etc. As if my students would even know or care or judge my teaching style. What a terrible waste of time and energy! Time that I would never get back.

One year after Jill’s death, I visited a psychic medium Jeffrey Wand to help me communicate with my sister. What came through loud and clear was her advise to me to live my life and stop grieving for her because she was fine. She even had gotten her angel wings. (I believe. I believe.). More evidence from heaven to live in the moment!

I went back to the expert Richard Carlson who wrote “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”. A review of the table of contents demonstrates important advice on how to fix this problem we all have at times.

1. Ask yourself the question “will this matter a year from now?
2. Surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair.(I would tell my kids this ad nauseum).
3. imagine yourself at your own funeral.
4. Choose your battles wisely.
5. Choose being kind over being right.
6. Resist the urge to criticize.
7. Breathe before you speak
8. Become a less aggressive driver.
9. Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.
10. Count to ten.
11. Be flexible with changes in plans.
12. Quiet the mind.
13. Think of your problems as potential teachers.
14. Keep asking yourself “what’s really important”?
15. Live this day as if it were your last. It might be.

Ironically, Richard Carlson, motivational speaker, author and psychotherapist died at age 45 from a pulmonary embolism during a flight from San Francisco to New York to promote his new book.

Remember time comes and goes. You cannot bottle it or save it or get it back. Each moment passes one second at a time in front of you. You must choose how to spend it.

“So don’t waste a moment. Every moment counts. How we spend each day is sacred. Our mortality is a gift because it reminds us to live. Don’t wait another moment. Sing. Dance. Breathe. Live!” Aging Beautifully cards, Margaret Manning. XO. Penny

Coco Chanel said “a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” Hubert de Givenchy noted that “hairstyle is the final tip off whether or not a woman really knows herself”.

All I know for sure is that my twin sister and I were obsessed with hair styles. Jill wore her hair down to her shoulders and straight and I wore either a pixie cut or a short bob. We would purchase the latest hair magazines monthly and spend hours going through them together and cutting out pictures of styles we liked and wanted to try. We kept folders of our favorites (to this day I have hundreds of haircuts saved on Pinterest).

I was the brave one; I would actually bring a picture we had saved and try new styles. Jill, by contrast, would never change her style despite good intentions and piles of photos. She was afraid; she admitted her long hair was her security blanket and felt most comfortable that way. I guess she really knew herself. She finally cut her hair short before chemo in anticipation of it falling out, which it did. She looked beautiful to me in short hair or even bald.

Why are we obsessed with our hair? Hair is a multi billion dollar industry. We spend thousands of dollars per year on hair products and treatments to look good. Your hair is a reflection of your identity, values and personality and the first thing people notice about you.

Many women feel a bad hair day equals a bad day. There is a deep personal relationship between hair and self esteem which is evidenced through history. Hair is a symbol of femininity and the term crowning glory dates back to biblical times. “ But for a woman if her hair is abundant it is a glory to her…” 1 Corinthians 11:15.

What if as we age, it is not as abundant. What then? Denise McAdam, hairstylist to celebrities such as Jane Seymour and Céline Dion and the royal family reminds us that as we get older, our hair changes significantly. As our hormones shift during and after menopause, our hair weakens and goes from 3 layers to 2. This gives it a thinner appearance and makes it more likely to split and break. This is one reason that having long hair in your 60s or 70s takes a little extra effort. You may have to make a commitment to styling and buy a few extra products for volume.

Should we be wearing long hair at this age anyway? According to Allure Magazine, the archaic misconception that women can only wear a certain haircut at a suitable age is dead and gone. Despite what we were conditioned to believe, one’s ability to own a specific cut or style has absolutely nothing to do with age. There are other factors involved such as hair type, texture and face shape.

Have you been wearing the same style for ages? Are you ready to rock a new hairdo? I don’t know if it will change your life, but a new hairdo can accentuate features that you want people to focus on like high cheekbones, pretty eyes and full lips.

Try the following ideas:

1. Cut bangs: bangs are the most flattering on every face shape as long as they are done right. Fringe is ageless. The right bangs will open up your eyes, frame your cheekbones and make you look more refreshed (you thought I was going to say younger). Plus it’s a lot cheaper than Botox to hide pesky forehead lines. Ask your stylist for soft layered bangs more wispy than blunt.
2. Enhance body: flat straight hair will drag you down. Let your stylist open up your shape with layers to add swing and softness. Use products that add moisture and volume and reduce frizz.
3. Try a bob: the bob is classic for a reason; it works on everyone because there are so many variations. It doesn’t matter if you have fine hair (like me) or thick hair and it can be customized to your face shape (mine is an inverted bob which is shorter in the back and longer on the sides, flattering for a square face).
4. The lob is a longer version (long bob) and looks amazing on all ages, with lots of texture for older women.
5. A cropped cut or pixie is a haircut that says strength, confidence and fun and can work at any age or hair texture. Think Jamie Lee Curtis and Dame Judy Dench. (Remember Twiggy and Mia Farrow and Audrey Hepburn). Keep it soft and feminine and not too harsh or spiky.
6. The shag is the ultimate cool girl cut because it looks great on a wide range of people. Your stylist can play around with layers and modify it for your face shape. Think Jane Fonda (the original shag in the movie Klute) and Lisa Rinna. I wore a long shag at my wedding in 1971. I loved that cut!
7. Remember, hair is the accessory that we have with us everyday and we love the boost of confidence that comes with a great hair day! There is no age attached to hair length but it is a good idea to keep it at a length that makes sense maintenance wise for your lifestyle. If you live at the beach like my friend Debby, keep it long enough to put up in a scrunchie!

If you are ready to rock a new style and live in the area, I highly recommend Lisa at Sivana Salon in St. James. She is the best!

Update on my Intermittent Fasting Blog. I lost 5 lbs in 4 weeks and am feeling fine! More next week. XO Penny

Resources

Look Younger Fast, prevention.com

Is Your Hair Aging You, by Liza Graves, styleprint.com

Haircuts for Over Sixty by Denise McAdam and Margaret Manning, sixtyandme.com

“As your life changes, it takes time to recalibrate, to find your values again. You might also find that retirement is the time when you stretch out and find your potential.” Sid Miramonte. Retirement: Your New Beginning

My friend John retired last week from a County job with the Department of Labor. He was grinning from ear to ear when I saw him in our condo pool and said he never felt more relaxed. But understandably, he had a myriad of questions. Will he be bored? Should he relocate to Maine or wait and see how living on Long Island with a fixed income works for him. Is it a big adjustment? Will this smile on his face disappear?

Our conversation started me thinking on my own retirement which occurred 2 years ago. I was 10 years older than John when I retired and so ready. I had many of the same queries and worries.

My research brought me to an article entitled 10 Great Things About Retirement That You Should Never Forget by Stephanie Cunningham. (Www.sixtyandme.com). The author feels that retirement can be confusing to navigate and compares it to our teenage years. During that time we “are scrambling to find out who we are, what we want to do with our lives and how we fit in with society”. Many feel the same way in retirement as we leave lifelong careers and lose intimate partners and friends.

But she continues that we are not teenagers, but individuals with much life experience to take on these new challenges. Age provides the springboard to reestablish yourself during retirement in the following ways:

We have innate confidence from having years of experience unlike our teenage years when we felt uncertain how to act in new situations, how to make friends and explore and find our paths. With our experience we know we are capable of finding our way.

We are comfortable in our own skin. No more teenage angst. We are happy to emphasize our uniqueness rather than trying to fit in with our peers.

It’s liberating to have freedom from responsibility for others, for meeting deadlines and for achieving someone else’s goals. We now have time to explore our own goals, find activities we always wanted to do, but were too busy. We can think out of the box and try something totally new (like salsa dancing or learning Chinese).

Remember that our creativity does not decrease with age. In retirement, we have time to learn forms of art we always wanted to explore. I began writing this blog at the age of 69 and it has brought me much happiness. Being creative is most satisfying.

Moreover, by now we have all experienced life’s disappointments and losses and managed to get through the challenges. With new problems or situations we have the compassion for ourselves and others based on our past experiences.

In retirement we have fewer time constraints. We have more time to do something unexpected, travel, try a new hobby and explore new interests. We never had the time when we were working; we had to squeeze everything into our busy schedule.

Retirement is the time to prioritize yourself. You have the time to “streamline your life and choose where you want to devote your time and money”. We have time to curate our life to include those activities and people we want in our new stage of life.

I have prioritized my health, by swimming laps daily for one hour, walking daily and eating more fruits and vegetables. I can stay up until 12:00 midnight researching my blog, knowing that my alarm clock will not ring at 6:30 am and that I can sleep in.

My life has changed for the better with less work related stress. I don’t worry on Sunday night that my enjoyable weekend will end. I sleep eight hours a night (except when I eat coffee ice cream too late).

To sum it up, I love retirement because of these benefits:

Sleep, relaxation and lack of stress

Time to exercise and take care of our bodies

Time to learn new things

Time to give back

Time to reflect on the meaning of life and what is important

More time to spend with family and good friends

Time to go on adventures.

So remember if you are contemplating retirement, “ it is not the end of the road, but the beginning of the open highway”. Author unknown

How do you feel about retirement. I would love to hear from you.