Month: September 2021

“Sister. She is your mirror shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and your best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink…” Barbara Alpert

Today marks the thirteenth anniversary

of my twin sister Jill’s (a/k/a Dolly) death. It seems unfathomable that so many years have passed without her and I am still standing. I recently found and read a letter I had written in my journal to her after she died. “It is now a month and nine days since your death. My grief is overwhelming; my heart is broken. I know that you are in a better, wonderful place and that does comfort me. I couldn’t watch you suffer one more day, but I am truly lost without you.”

Jill was worried about leaving me behind, I was told later by two different mediums, Jeffrey Wands and the Psychic Sisters. Jill came through and admitted that she knew I wanted to be the sick one, rather than her, but it was her journey, not mine.

I saw a quote that summed up my feeling then pretty well. “I do not see as well without her. I do not hear as well without her. I would be better off without a hand or leg than without my sister”. What I miss most about Jill is speaking to her every day. She was my confidante, my best friend. We would stay on the phone for hours always telling stories, singing songs (she would accompany us on the guitar), laughing.

We were always together as children, the only siblings. We shared a bedroom, even when our parents fixed up the guest room and encouraged one of us to move. My heart hurt when I left her to go to Syracuse University my freshman year. Jill attended a junior college outside of Boston for her first two years. That year was difficult for me and I spent a lot of time drowning my sorrows at the candy machine eating Milky Ways and gained the dreaded freshman 15. Mid way through the year, I decided to transfer to Boston University and we spent our last two years together on the same floor in the dorm and graduated together. Those were wonderful years and I have fond memories of time spent with two Harvard suitemates!

A second difficult transition came when Jill and family moved to London for four years due to Doug’s employment opportunity. I was devastated at the news. How could I survive the separation? I remember basting the turkey the first Thanksgiving with a mixture of sweet butter and salty tears. They came home summers for a visit and I visited London and we made it through with even some growth for me. I remember getting a call from the phone company when Jill had emergency surgery in London asking if all those calls were made by me. We managed to stay in touch through it all!

We had planned to spend our golden years together; I was divorced and Jill planned to outlive her husband. Life doesn’t go according to plans. Dame Judi Dench, on the death of her husband opined, “It changes who you are completely, because it’s like you are walking along and you’re not looking and there’s an enormous chasm in front of you. I don’t expect you ever get used to it.” Barbara Bush discussing her twin sister Jenna Hager Bush said “a sister is someone who will walk next to you always.” I miss Jill walking beside me!
I am reposting this blog from last year. It never gets easier. My life goes on without my twin but there is a void that will never be filled. Rest In Peace my sweet Dolly.

“Another fall, another turned page: there was something of jubilee in that annual autumnal beginning, as if last year’s mistakes had been wiped clean by summer.” Wallace Stegner

September was always back to school, new outfits, new beginnings. At this time, we of Jewish faith celebrate Rosh Hashanah, or the Jewish New Year, a fall holiday which is both a time of rejoicing and of serious introspection. It’s a time to celebrate the completion of another year while also taking stock of one’s life.

Growing up, Rosh Hashanah was a special time for my dad and me. My mom refused to go to synagogue, feeling like it was merely a fashion show–a time for the rich Jewish women in our community to show off. (We were not rich) My twin sister happily stayed home with her and I would walk to temple with my dad. It was really special for me to not have to share Dad with anyone. We would come home to a special meal prepared by my mother and grandmother of brisket, potatoes and roasted carrots with of course, matzoh ball soup. I cherish those memories.

With the pandemic still lurking, I watched the live stream Rosh Hashanah service from Central Synagogue in New York City. The music is soul stirring and the sermons thought provoking and on point.

This year 5782, I have decided to make my new year’s resolutions during the Jewish new year, rather than the traditional time in January in the throes of winter doldrums when I am in hibernation mode. Perhaps that is why I never seem to follow through. September, on the other hand has “warmth and depth and color and glows like old amber”. Patience Strong

Well, here goes. During Rosh Hashanah, we pray for good health, happiness, love and prosperity today and every day and a sweet year. Here are my “good intentions”:

HEALTH: I will drink more water to keep away dehydration. I have learned that many of us experience mild dehydration that can lead to many health conditions. In the book “You’re Not Sick, You’re Thirsty”, F. Fatmanghelidj, M.D., stated, “I am of the opinion that many conditions such as Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s, Lou Gehrig’s, aphasia, autism, ADD and epilepsy are a result of persistent dehydration in the body”. Mild dehydration brings on feelings of brain fog, when you feel you can’t think clearly and have trouble concentrating. To counter the problem of dehydration, we need to drink more water.

How much is enough? The general rule for healthy people is one 10 ounce glass of water for every 30 pounds of body weight (So for me, five 10 ounce glasses per day). The recommendation is to gradually increase the amount of water so as not to disrupt the chemical balance in your body. Add 2 oz. to the amount you normally drink each day for the next week. Continue adding 2 oz. per day each week until the reach the desired amount. Water brightens your skin, flushes out toxins and provides your internal systems with much needed hydration. Remember 70% of our body is comprised of water.

I will eat more protein: I never realized that by not eating enough protein as we age, we may be putting our health at risk. This is because aging makes it harder for us to absorb and effectively use protein we consume at a time in our lives when we need more to protect our health. A study published in the Journal of Nutrition, Health and Aging suggested that 45% of adults over the age of 51 do not get enough protein. This important nutrient helps to maintain muscle mass and strength (lack leads to sarcopenia). This is vital to help prevent falls while keeping us mobile and agile. In addition, sufficient protein in our diet may help prevent fatty liver and reduce our risk of stroke.

How much protein should we consume? A boomer woman weighing 140 pounds should be getting 76 grams of protein a day. For example, a salad with a cup of shredded chicken breast and a hard boiled egg contains 49 grams of protein. A six ounce serving of salmon contains 34 grams of protein and a cup of edamame has 31 grams . Having a comprehensive nutrient test on a regular basis can be helpful as well.

SWEET YEAR: We eat apples dipped in honey on Rosh Hashanah for a sweet year. I will try to do more good deeds (mitzvot) to help others. I will be more conscious of performing acts of kindness daily. Sam Levenson said, “As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.” In that spirit, I will continue to declutter my closets and house and donate my excesses to those who are in need.

PROSPERITY: I will get back to writing my book and finish Part Two. I put it aside for too long because it was more difficult to write than Part One. I will cut back spending on things I do not need (like more makeup)

LOVE: “I will shower the people I love with love” (the words of James Taylor). The pandemic has taught us so much about what is important in this life, and family and friends are paramount.

HAPPINESS: I will continue to count my many blessings and thank God daily for the bounty of goodness and love I have been given.

I will end with the beautiful words of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel:

“And above all remember that the meaning of life is to build a life as if it were a work of art”.