“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart”. Eleanor Roosevelt
A recent experience with one of my closest friends of 35 years, prompted me to write about the importance of friendship in our lives. I had been feeling sorry for myself after my second wrist surgery with not much improvement and felt neglected by my friend. However, she had been going through a lot in her life, tending to grandchildren, her ninety year old mother and a husband beginning a new career. It was important to me to reach out because I felt we were growing apart. We are back where we should be and agreed to make time for each other!
Friends, the very best kind are special beings. They pop up in our lives and spark from an assortment of situations and places. Our friends are instrumental in supporting, easing and brightening our way. They influence (without always meaning to) our thoughts, ideas, and lifestyle choices and help shape us into the people we are or aim to be. Friends offer wise counsel, a positive spin and make you laugh. We share our deepest, darkest secrets and even tell each other when we have spinach in our teeth or our blouse is on backwards.
As we age, the quality of friendships become more important to many women. We look for a relationship based on the goodness we find in each other. It encompasses the values many of us want to give to and receive from our closest friends including respect, honesty, trust, empathy, warmth, humor, shared experience, and compassion.
As we age, we have more spare time, but value it and may not want to waste it on the wrong people anymore. Maybe we select and refine our friendships as we become more aware of our mortality. We may prioritize quality over quantity and see fewer people more of the time. However it is good to remain open to interesting new experiences and people, like my book group members, for example, who have introduced me to new ideas.
Aside from supporting each other in times of major life changes (divorce, retirement), comforting each other in times of loss, and helping find the humor in growing older, female friendships can be the key to happiness in older women. Research at Michigan State University demonstrated that valuing friendship was related to better functioning particularly among older adults (from surveys taken by 280,000 people).
Moreover, an article in Healthywomen.org, Keys to a Long Life noted “it’s important to develop resiliency, the ability to confront challenges sometimes terrible ones and maintain some sense of equilibrium”. One of the best ways to build resiliency is to develop a strong social support network.
When my twin sister (and best friend) died at age 59 after a five month battle with cancer, I wanted to die along with her. If it weren’t for my good friends and their support and love, I would not have been able to cope with my overwhelming grief and anger. Their daily phone calls and check-ins were a lifeline when I needed it most.
Two of those closest friends moved a great distance away. While distance makes the heart grow stronger, I do need to work a bit harder to keep those connections going. But the friendships are better and stronger for it. I go to them and they come to me for extended periods. Read my upcoming blog talking about a special birthday trip planned with my friend Debby.
I never want to forget that relationships with good friends require nurturing and extends to our daily priorities and choices. As Vincent Van Gogh said, in Close Friends Are Truly Life’s Treasures,
“Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. With gentle honesty, they are there to guide and support us. To share our laughter and our tears. Their presence reminds us that we are never really alone.”
Resources
Psychology today.com. Are Female Friendships the Key to Happiness in Older Women
Refinery29.com The Joys of Female Friendship Over 50.
Psychology today.com, The Importance of Female Friendship Among Women, by Kristen Fuller
I am so thankful for our friendship. Even though we live in two different countries now I don’t think there is a day that goes by that you don’t pop into my mind. I feel like even though we don’t see each other frequently or even talk to each other daily, I know that if I need your advise or just need to hear your voice that I can pick up the phone and you will be there. I hope that you feel like you can do the same with me. I am so looking forward to our adventure and can’t wait to experience this journey with you. You’re the best!!!! I love you my friend.
Debby, you are always the first person I want to talk to when something good or bad happens to me. I know that we are always there for each other and that is such a comfort to me. I’m so happy that you will be my partner in our exciting trip of a lifetime. I love you too!
Beautifully said , Penny. I love the part about selectively using our spare time and yet remaining open to new people and experiences.
Female friendships are such a gift!
Thanks for sharing!
Hi Kathy. Thanks for your always positive feedback and for being my friend when I really needed one at MGC!
People come and go from your life for different reasons. My life in New York were some of the best and worst years of my life. I lost most of my immediate family to cancer and heart disease, and my friends were there for comfort and strength. Penny, I don’t think you actually knew what our morning walks through rain, sleet and snow (thank goodness for Smithaven Mall) meant to me; they were a life saver, at times. I left Long Island 27 years ago, leaving friends that had become more like family to me and I still think of these women who used to support and share lifetime experiences with me as my friends/family. I would bare my soul to these women then, and I still do now, only less often. I am so fortunate to still have this group of women in my life, if even in just a small way. Love you all! Sheila, Gail, Penny, Elaine and think of you often, Fran. My forever friends, whether you know it or not!
Shellie, that means so much to me to hear that. You are my forever friend too. At least we can connect on Facebook and hopefully more than once a year in person! Love you.