Give Back

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the car I drove, but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” Forest E. Whitcraft, Teacher and Scholar

Yesterday was a very special day for me. Yesterday I attended a party for a young man named Nikolas who graduated Wesleyan University at the top of his class and is now headed to a job at Google in International marketing.

Let me backtrack. Two years ago, I was contacted by Nikolas who had been trying to get in touch with me for a few years. He was in my second grade ESL class at Mary G. Clarkson School in Bay Shore.

Nikolas explained on the phone that he had written a letter to me on Facebook messenger which I finally received two years later. He expressed his gratitude for my warmth and compassion at the time when he had recently arrived from Colombia with his mom and sister and was understandably nervous to begin elementary school in the U.S.

Nikolas reminded me that I had brought in teddy bears for the class and allowed each child to name it, tell a story about it and then keep it as my gift to each child. He showed me the teddy bear yesterday, still in his room after all these years, and told me how much it meant to him.

In his earlier letter to me, he had written, “For my college interviews, I’d often speak of you, as you had such a profound impact on me. To me, you demonstrated a passion for teaching and genuinely cared for the well being of your students. You enabled me to break the language barrier when I first immigrated to the U.S. and excel academically. You paved the road to my success and I am forever grateful.”

Let me take you back to that time and you will better understand why this realization was so important to me. I had been teaching ESL in an Adult Literacy Program for 13 years. I loved working with adults and was aware and proud of the impact I made on their lives. They were able to verbalize their sentiments. I left the program to work in a kindergarten through second grade setting to earn more money as I divorced in 2003. I had very little confidence in my abilities to teach young children because my student teaching in 1970 was in a junior high school. I was as nervous as Nikolas was to start school.

In addition, I was 52 when I started the job and made 3 huge life changes that year: Moving from my own house to a basement apartment in another town, starting a new job, and getting divorced. To make matters worse, my daughter was relocating to California. I literally felt like I was in the Witness Protection Program with a new identity.

Unsure of myself in my new teaching role, I cried every night. I never really knew if I was reaching the kids as I had reached their parents at BOCES. We don’t always know whose lives we have touched and made better for our having cared. What is important is that we do care and act. Nikolas did not know that I was inexperienced with second grade ESL. He knew that I cared when I brought into school a goody bag of treats and activities for him to take on a plane trip to visit family in Florida. (He reminded me of this fact, which I had forgotten.)

His actions in reaching out to me touched me deeply. We all like to be acknowledged and appreciated. And as Nelson Mandela has eloquently stated “what counts in life is the difference we have made to the lives of others that determines the significance of the lives we lead”.

Now that I am retired, I would like to continue to make a difference in the lives of others. Volunteering can enrich our lives as retirees as well.

Researchers asked retirees what do they need to feel content and satisfied, e.g. what was important to their quality of life. The four answers were the following: having something to do, having relationships, having a stake in the future, and having a sense of continuity.

“Volunteering your time and expertise is a way to gain all of the above. When volunteering you have something to do in a social situation, while working for a common good and contributing to your community or society. It provides productivity, connection and legacy.” But it also has to be enjoyable and fulfill your needs. If not, it does not improve your quality of life.

So decide what type of activities you would like to perform as a volunteer. So many choices… Save a Pet, food pantry, Long Island Cares. I will look at RSVP Suffolk (Retired Senior Volunteer Program or AARP.org and decide.

“When we help others, we shine. When we mentor, teach or protect others, we nurture ourselves. Don’t be an island. Reach out. Become a part of the world. Give and you shall receive”. Margaret Manning, Aging Beautifully

Resources

How Volunteering Can Enrich Your Life After 60, by Stephanie Cunningham Sixtyandme.com