The Joys of Aging

“Aging, she discovered, was just another word for growing, and she was (finally), at last, growing into the person she always meant to be.”

I recently finished reading a wonderful book entitled “The Gift of Years: Growing Old Gracefully”, by Joan Chittister, recommended by my friend and blog follower Kathy T. She and her husband read the book together, chapter by chapter, and found it to be an enlightening experience.

Before I read the book, however, I had been reflecting on this stage of life and how I have been unexpectedly enjoying it! It is said that with age comes wisdom, confidence and ease. I do agree and have come up with some words beginning with the letter “P” to expound on these feelings.

1. P is for Permission: to be you, the authentic person you were meant to be. It is only recently that I have discovered that person and genuinely like her. In the book, the author talks about this stage and the shaping of the soul that occupies us now. “Consciously, or more likely not, we set out to find out for ourselves who we really are, what we know, what we care about and how to be simply enough for ourselves in the world.” We learn it is what is inside of us that is important and we are perfect as we are. Writing my blog has helped me come to this realization.

2. P is for no more People Pleaser: So many years spent taking ski lessons and saying “I don’t care; what do you want to do?” and not pursuing the real me to please others. I went to law school at age 36 to please my dad and married my husband to please both my parents because that is what they wanted for me. Enough!

3. P is for Priority: My mother-in-law Janet was one of the best parts of my marriage (other than my two children). We were always in sync, soul mates in a manner of speaking. A beautiful (inside and out), NYU educated woman who did not see her true value, she was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a terrible man after she divorced at age 52. After twenty years of this abuse, Janet got wise, made herself a priority, and kicked Bernard to the curb at age seventy five. She said the next ten years of her life, living in New York City on Central Park West as a single woman were the best years. We applauded her bravery and guts. I am trying to make myself a priority as well with Janet as my role model. It is a work in progress.

4. P is for No Pressure: to perform. No more job evaluations, teacher observations, job interviews, LSAT Tests or Bar Exams. So many sleepless nights worrying about performance anxiety. In fact, after taking the NYS Bar Exam at age forty, I was physically ill for a week due to stress. (By the way, I passed).

5. P is for Possibilities: Emily Dickinson once said, “We turn not older in years, but newer everyday.” The gift is recognizing our potential in aging, both spiritual and social and knowing what to do with it. We don’t have to wear old roles that defined us for so long. We are no longer pidgeon holed into a group like in high school–nerds, brains, jocks, sluts. We are free to pursue new activities, and make new friends and social connections. In joining Chabad in Stony Brook a few years ago, I made a new, wonderful friend Susan with whom I share many interests.

6. P is for Peace: Time to meditate, sit and think; time to be pensive and thoughtful. Time to appreciate a sunset, to value company. “Time to taste the essence of life rather than concern ourselves with its accessories.” The Gift of Years We have no schedules, no deadlines. We can sit in the library all day or sit by the water and daydream, or play cards with a sick friend. Every morning I walk my dog Linus for as long as we want, without worrying about the time. I love our time together!

7. P is for Physical Abilities that weaken but hopefully our mental capacity does not have to. We learn to make adaptations for the physical limitations such as shorter walks, or water aerobics and yoga rather than zumba or more strenuous exercise.

8. P is for no Period: As a post-menopausal woman, I do not miss my monthly cycle at all. In fact, I consider it to be one of the advantages to aging. Never having to plan vacations around that time of the month, never experiencing embarrassing leakage on white pants in the summer. Good riddance!

9. P is for Playfulness: I love having time to play a game of checkers, have swimming races and play basketball with my grandson. It keeps me active and young at heart.

10. P is for Politics: As I get older, I am much more knowledgeable about politics and the world I will be leaving to my children and grandson Jesse. As a younger woman, I was fairly uninformed and uninterested in politics. I now have the time and the interest and stay up to date with the current state of affairs (which are pretty dismal at best).

11. P is for Posterity: In her book, Joan Chittister declares that we have a responsibility as elders to mentor the generations after us in values and ideals that built society on equality and respect for others. We also have the spiritual responsibility to see life as a “moral force rather than simply a private enterprise”. Wisdom does grow golden with age; share your wisdom with young people!

12. P is for Passer-On of Stories: We are the “tale-bearers” for the younger generations. “We have done our duty to life and our experience can become useful to someone younger”. Without passing on our stories, young people are a group without character, without tradition, without living memory of how and why they came together. I love to tell stories about my twin sister and the traditions my family celebrated during the Jewish holidays so that my grandson appreciates that he is half Jewish. This is very important to me.

We have a choice in our attitude about aging. We can see it as a burden or a gift. I choose the latter. XO Penny

“To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people, and affection of children, to leave the world a bit better, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” Ralph Waldo Emerson