Have you seen this commercial? A pretty silver haired woman in her fifties or sixties says “online dating? I know people meet that way, but how would I start?” The commercial continues… “open laptop, go to Our Time.com and look for free”.
It’s not that simple. Take it from me. I was married for 32 years (a child bride) and have been divorced since age 52. I have been on JDate, Match, JPeople Meet, EHarmony, and Our Time and have the battle scars (and funny stories) to prove it. I have some online dating advice for you—specifically to watch out for these types of men (all of whom I have dated and/or have been in a relationship with.
- The College Jock: This guy still thinks he is a star lacrosse player even though age 60. He stares at young women, flirts and even makes comments about parts of their anatomy. He has money (4 rental properties, and a nice pension), but has an aversion to eating out in restaurants that require leaving a tip. I eventually grew tired of eating Wendys chili and baked potatoes and ended it!
2. The Narcissist: This guy will charm the pants off you (literally) in the beginning. He will swear his undying love for you by cooking your favorite foods, even serving you a lobster salad and Chardonnay poolside. In time, you will see red flags like his 3 daughters’ refusal to talk to him. Next he will try to alienate you from your family and friends (“your mom can call you any time because she is old, but you cannot talk to your children when you are with me”. “Your focus needs to be on me”). When you try to break up with him, he will advise you that it will not happen until he wants to end it. The narcissist is scary and may be dangerous. You may find yourself at the police station seeking an Order of Protection.
3. The Widower: This man believes he is ready for online dating but he is still mourning his wife. He may even take her with you on the date. I do not mean that he will actually bring the urn with the ashes, but it is as if she is there with you. He made me duck in the car so that no one in his neighborhood would see me and he was so uncomfortable at the end of the date that he practically threw me out of the moving car when he dropped me off at my house. You can’t make this stuff up!
4. The Bad Boy: He is exciting and handsome. He is a musician who will play the guitar and sing to you in English and Hebrew. You have chemistry like Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper in A Star Is Born. Why does he always have a wad of cash in his wallet and never really say how he makes a living? Until one Sunday when his second cell phone rings incessantly and he must take the calls and leave to meet clients. You may say I am naive and you would be right! Other bad boys include online scammers who ask you for money and foreign men looking for U.S. Citizenship (check and check).
DatingSitesReview.com stated that 5% of Americans who are married or in a committed relationship met their partner online. (I thought it would be higher). The odds are pretty daunting. So why do we do it?
What are the pluses of online dating? “Love has no expiration date. We humans crave and enjoy companionship at any age and a romantic relationship is one of the closest forms of friendship. Dating for mature women can mean you have a friendship with or without benefits, a marriage, a lover or a companion. The relationship needs to work for your needs and lifestyle.”
There is a lot to be said for the convenience of online dating, but there are no guarantees that the person posting an intriguing profile feels any responsibility for being truthful. Try Our Time and Senior People Meet which are geared towards people in their fifties and sixties, respectively. But have realistic expectations and continue to meet people through real life encounters and introductions from friends and family.
Did I have any positive experiences with online dating? I am happy to report that 4 years ago, after posting a profile on Our Time, I got lucky. I responded to a man three years younger whose profile picture showed a tall, handsome Jewish man (like me) who lived in a nearby town and who liked to read, play tennis and especially spend time with his family. His profile was honest and accurate and we are still enjoying “our time” together and looking forward to the future. Even my twin sister Jill would have said “He is Penny worthy!”
Resources
Sixty and Me Blogs: 3 Ways Women Need to Rethink Online Dating Over 60 and 5 Wonderful Reasons To Explore Dating After 60.
Fun read especially since I was there to witness these jokers! I am afraid I have no faith in online dating though. You know my feelings and my broken picker doesn’t help much either! I’m happy that you have Richard though and that you had the courage to keep taking another chance.
Hi Debby. I actually was thinking of you as I was writing it and picturing your face while reading it! As I said, you can’t make that stuff up. I’m glad I got to blog about it, since I never did write that book we talked about. XOXO Penny
Wow, Penny, this is a good one! You are a very brave lady! I’m glad it worked out finally but your experiences would make a great book! I enjoyed reading this segment!
Wow, Penny, this is a good one! You are a very brave lady! I’m glad it worked out finally but your experiences would make a great book! I enjoyed reading this segment!
Hi Kathy. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I wanted to write a book about my experiences but never got around to it. I’m glad I could express it in the blog. Thanks for following. I appreciate you and your feedback so much!
It’s not too late to write that book!
Thanks Shellie. Still thinking about it!
Love this!!! So funny!! Glad that you have finally met a Penny-worthy guy. I have never tried online dating but my brother has met the love of his life on plenty of fish and they are perfect together!!
Hi there Jamie. I’m glad you found the blog funny. I guess in hindsight you have to laugh! I certainly learned what I didn’t want in a man! Good for your brother that he had such a good experience dating online. Thank you for your positive feedback!