What I Learned From My Mom About Being An Adult and Aging

“Life doesn’t come with a manual; it comes with a mother”. With Mother’s Day almost upon us, I have been pondering the important lessons I learned from my mom, especially about aging.

Bette Greenberg was not your typical sweet mom, especially as she got older. We knew she loved us, but she told it like it was, and didn’t sugar coat things. We were very different, and she had trouble understanding my sensitivity at times. But she taught me the following invaluable lessons:

1. Keep secrets from your husband. You don’t need to spill it all. She kept two secrets from my dad that she took to her grave. My dad gave her money every week to pay the cleaning woman. Mom would clean the house herself, pocket the money and go shopping at Loehmanns weekly and come home with new stylish bargains. My dad always admired her outfits; did he ever wonder how she had so many new clothes? The second lie was about the peach pie. Every Friday morning, she would buy a freshly baked peach pie at Walls Bakery. She would pretend it was home made and my dad loved her for baking it for him. (It was so perfect, how could he not know?). She also advised me to squirrel some money away weekly just in case!
2. When you reach age 50, it no longer matters what people think of you. When you celebrate your eightieth birthday, all bets are off. Case in point: During my visit to Florida, my mom and I bumped into two lovely sisters in Publix. They invited her to come to their home for lunch and Mah Jong. My mom’s response “thank you all the same, but I don’t like women.” What? How rude, you may say. My mom stated “I was only telling the truth”.
3. It’s ok to walk around the house naked or half dressed because it’s more comfortable. This relates back to #2. I truly believe Betty Greenberg was a nudist in a past life. She did not understand (or care) how disconcerting it was to share a meal staring at her bare chest.
4. I’ll worry when it’s time to worry! My mom had a good attitude about life. She refused to worry about things she had no control over until it became clear it was time to worry (for example, a definitive cancer diagnosis for my dad and later my sister). My children and I often use her words and try to adopt her philosophy, but it’s not so easy; we are by nature worriers.
5. Always look your best; you don’t know who you will meet. When my dad died at 68, my mom entered the dating world with fervor. She enjoyed the company of men (as we know, she didn’t like the company of women) and wanted to remarry. She kept a chart of dates she went on, and the outfits she wore so as not to repeat the clothes with the same guy. Crazy?
6. Eat ice cream for dinner. Life is short. I do think of mom when I am enjoying a big bowl of Haagen Daaz coffee ice cream for a summer nights dinner. Her favorites were butter pecan and Rocky Road.

Your Mother is Always With You

She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you are not feeling well; she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day; she’s the sound of rain that lulls you to sleep; the colors of a rainbow. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She is the place you came from, your first home, and she is the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you, not time, not space, not even death. Author unknown

Happy Mother’s Day to all! XO Penny