You Are My Destiny

“I’ve dreamed of this a thousand times before; but in my dreams I couldn’t love you more. I will give you my heart until the end of time. You’re all I need, my love, my valentine.” Valentine by Martina McBride

Remember the song “You Are My Destiny” released by Paul Anka in 1957. All you young people are scratching your collective heads at this point thinking 1957? Anyway, with Valentine’s day approaching, I have been thinking about the concept of beshert (Yiddish word) meaning destiny. Do we only have one soul mate predetermined for us in this life? What happens if it doesn’t work out? Are we doomed?

In the book “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle, she describes meeting her love. For many years she denied her own discontent in her traditional marriage. While speaking at a writers’ conference Doyle looked at a woman across the room and fell instantly in love. Three words flooded her mind. There She Is. At first, she assumed these words came to her from on high. But Doyle soon realized that the words came to her from within. This was her own voice–the one she had “buried beneath decades of numbing addictions, cultural conditioning, and institutional allegiances”. This was the voice of the girl she had been before the world told her who to be. Her destiny perhaps……

Recently, I heard a different version of a story of beshert from my dental assistant. There I was, mouth agape gagging with sufficient mush (a technical term) for impressions for new Invisalign braces (lucky me). This beautiful young woman is trying to distract me from my misery with the story of how she met her husband. A seventeen year old native Californian, she was helping out at a retreat for Jehovah’s Witness in New Jersey. She met an older guy from Long Island who seemed pleasant enough, but she was not interested in dating anyone. Over a ten year period of time, they meet by chance at various events sponsored by Jehovah’s Witness in different parts of the U.S. It seems that the man has loved her from the beginning; they finally date long distance, fall in love and marry, now living on Long Island. By the end of the story, I was crying. I shouted, “he was your beshert”.

According to a JDate poll, 46% of singles believe there is one right person in the world for them, compared to 34% who disagreed.(20% were undecided). For those who believe, how on earth will you recognize yours? People report feeling these common things when they first meet their soul mate:

1. Time stands still.
2. You get the feeling you’ve known each other before.
3. You have similar values.
4. There are many commonalities.
5. There is a deep mutual acceptance.
6. You have the ability to help each other grow.
7. Obstacles don’t matter; you still want to be together. In both the case of Glennon Doyle and the dental assistant, the couples lived on opposite coasts of the country but still made it work.

A good way to attract your soul mate is to be spiritually open and willing to grow and learn. You need to be mature enough to know yourself on a deep level so that you can recognize who will complement you and look beyond external factors.

The concept of beshert, for those who believe in it is much more than finding love by being in the right place at the right time. It is fulfilling your personal destiny, and thus playing your part in the destiny of the world (Remember, we are all here for a reason).

Some beliefs about beshert may surprise you. Who will marry who is decided in heaven long before either individual in the couple is born or even a fetus. At the time of conception, an angel asks God who should this soul be matched with and God gives an answer.

God’s answer to the angel’s question, however is not a decree, but a strong suggestion based upon the soulmates’ natural compatibility. Because souls are malleable and can modify themselves, they may create a fit with another soul that may not have been their original half. Your decision who to marry is a free choice (unless you are trying to please your parents).

What if, like me, you don’t get it right the first time. Do you only get one chance to find your beshert? Thankfully, the answer is no. Even though God has a plan for us, we humans have free will. Even besherts can behave in a way that breaks up relationships. Your time with that person was preparing you for the next beshert. That seemed to be the case for me! Wishing you much love and a Happy Valentine’s Day to all! XO Penny