Month: April 2019

Always an avid reader, I devoured every Nancy Drew mystery and waited eagerly with my twin Jill for the bookmobile to come to our street weekly. We loved to look through and select new books to read.

I decided retirement was the perfect opportunity to join a book club. In fact, you may live longer, so says a report by UK researchers in the Guardian.com. People enjoy healthier lives if they maintain social bonds after they retire. Something like a book club where you regularly meet friends and chat can significantly reduce your risk of death in the first six years after retirement. Who knew? My guess is it has something to do with the red wine and dark chocolate we consume during the meetings!

If you need more convincing, here are 5 reasons to join a book club:

1. You meet interesting people. The trick is not to join a book club full of your best friends. You’ll learn more from drawing upon a wider range of individuals and you will probably end up talking about books to your close friends anyway.
2. You read books you may not otherwise read because people outside your immediate circle of friends are likely to have literary taste differing from your own. Even your reasons for not liking or not finishing a selection can create a lively discussion; diversity of opinion makes for a spirited conversation.
3. Some books need to be discussed (despite a New York Times article that reading should remain a private pursuit and that it has become too social.) Arguable?
4. You eat great food. Most book groups involve some sort of snacks and alcohol, some themes even following the culture or site of the story.
5. It’s fun just to chat. We all thrive on friendship as we grow older. Book clubs are a great excuse to make and keep friends.

Since retirement, I have joined 2 book groups which are as different as night and day. I belong to a book discussion group at the library which includes a few men and is comprised of professional retired seniors. We meet every 2 to 3 weeks from 10:00 am to 12:00 pm and it is very formal and structured. The leader actually has a gavel which she uses to keep order at times.

The books are long, scholarly and I am sometimes intimidated to raise my hand and offer my opinion. Everyone not only reads each book in depth, but also takes notes and marks passages to provide specific details and responses to questions. There is no food or alcohol involved; there is minimal side conversation or chit chat.

My second book club, on the other hand, is laid back, easy and fun. It is called “The No Pressure Book Club”, which I soon realized meant you don’t have to read the book! I am usually the only one who has read the book.

We meet once a month on a Friday night at alternate homes usually from 7:30 pm to 1:30 am. There is wine and tapas in abundance. we are all women ranging in age from 49 to 70. I am the only retiree (the reason they tell me I read every book—I have time). I knew only one person in the group when I joined and have met lovely women and good friends from this experience.

The No Pressure Book Club reminds me of a consciousness raising group I joined in the early 1970s when my children were young and I was looking to get out of the house and make friends. Women joined CR groups at that time in their desire to share, learn from, affiliate with and gain support from other women.

In this group too we share ideas, teach each other about skin care and makeup (me), meditation (Lori) and other ways to alleviate stress and deal with current life problems like aging parents or children having trouble committing to marriage and having their own children. We all look forward to the monthly meetings and agree that we have gained a great deal.

Do you want to live longer by reading books and sharing your thoughts with others? Are you already in a book club? I would love to know how you feel. Until next week…..XO Penny

Resources

You are Never too Old to Join a Book Club. Sixtyandme.com

5 Reasons to Join a Book Club. HuffPost.com

Consciousness Raising Groups in the 1970’s Psychology of Women Quarterly

BMJ Open (UK Medical Journal)The Guardian.com

I have a confession to make. I am not the neatest, most organized person. (I have many other good qualities). I remember paying my sister Jill to clean my side of the closet when we were growing up! So you can imagine my excitement in beginning the closet purge.

But it is a necessity. I live in a small two bedroom one bathroom condo with ample closet space. I literally have clothes in every closet, most of which have not seen the light of day in years. Do you agree that we basically wear our favorite comfortable outfits most of the time, with the rest just taking up space?

How should I begin? I follow a blog called Susanafter60 and decided to look there for guidance. Susan did a YouTube Video which takes her followers into her closet and demonstrates how it is organized by color, by dressy v. casual clothes and by season. To be honest, I would rather die than show you my closet now; I felt rather nauseated after watching her video. She is just too perfect and it suddenly felt so difficult and unattainable!

Next I turned to Marie Kondo the organizing consultant who created the KonMari Method, a system of simplifying and organizing your home by getting rid of physical items that don’t bring joy into your life.

The first step of her method instructs you to physically hold or touch items in your closet (or house) as you attempt to clean up clutter. Ask the question “Does it spark true joy”? She claims focusing on what you love creates more happiness in your life so that other items fall to the wayside.

I watched Mari Kondo’s YouTube Video on how to fold clothes. She advised “stroking the garment with your hands, touching it to communicate your love and affection for the item of clothing and for its continued support”. Really? Is this a pair of socks or a lover we are talking about?

Another rule in the KonMari Method is that you tidy all at once, like an entire weekend, rather than a little at a time. She even suggests locating every piece of clothing you have and laying it on the living room floor. I don’t think so! Also you must visualize the destination e.g. set concrete goals like “I want to live like a Goddess surrounded by beauty and harmony” rather than “I want to live in a clean house”. I’ll settle for the latter. Ok. So much for Marie Kondo and her KonMari Method.

More research revealed a recent article in the LA Times entitled “Can’t Kondo, Declutter Your Way for Your Own Sanity”. Now we’re talking! The journalist discusses a book by Gretchen Rubin which takes aim at the KonMari method because there is no single way to get your house in order. Different methods work for different people.

Everything in your house doesn’t have to spark joy (a plunger?) and you don’t have to tackle everything at once—that can feel insurmountable and cause more stress. Do it your way, whether it is cleaning one section or drawer per week or finishing it all on a Saturday. Once you get started, it energizes you and gets easier. Decluttering brings more focus, a boost of energy and positive feelings.

Rubin says to consider 3 big questions when deciding to keep an item or toss it.

Do I need it? Do I love it? Do I use it? If you haven’t worn the item in a year, donate it.

Because I donate to a family I know, there is another important query: Does this family need the item more than I do? That helps me to eliminate some clothes I am unsure about.

Let’s grab some trash bags and donation boxes and get started in making our closets (home) a center of calm, not chaos. I appreciate your feedback and welcome your comments, ideas and questions. XO Penny

Resources

Www.SusanAfter60

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Outer Order Inner Calm: Declutter and Organize to Make More Room for Happiness by Gretchen Rubin

Can’t Kondo, Declutter Your Way for Your Own Sanity by Melinda Fuller. LA Times, April 17, 2019

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend”. Melody Beattie

April is usually a tough month for me. My twin sister Jill and I were born on April 19th and the last birthday we celebrated together was 11 years ago. I am turning 70 this year—there I said it—and I was kind of dreading it (even though my friends say its just a number and look at the alternative). Passover is also this month, a holiday special to our 2 families and difficult without her.

Usually a positive and glass half full kind of person, I was choosing to dwell in the past of late. However, an event occurred yesterday that stopped me in my tracks and forced me to change my perspective.

My son and daughter planned a surprise early birthday gathering in New York City at a restaurant, Avra, (that my sister loved) and invited her family too. My boyfriend was in on the secret and managed to convince me we needed to meet his old friends for brunch. Our families shared a wonderful meal, took a long walk and ended up in the theater district with tickets for Waitress, the Musical.

It was a special day that I will remember always, and it reminded me of something important: the power of gratitude. In the hustle of our to do lists and work deadlines, we block out details of the day forgetting that each day holds precious gifts, something to be thankful for. It’s a choice to live with gratitude. It’s not always a natural state of existence; we must work at it.

In his book “Words of Gratitude for Mind, Body and Soul”, Robert Emmons states “learning how to experience gratitude involves being grateful as an attitude, not as a reaction when good things occur. It could be that the act of being grateful, in itself, makes one receptive to life’s blessings and these blessing continue as we continue to be thankful”.

In fact, research shows that gratitude is good for our brains and our bodies. The hypothalamus ( the part of our brain that regulates bodily functions such as appetite, sleep, metabolism and growth) is activated when we feel gratitude. Our brain becomes flooded with a chemical called dopamine, a natural high. These neurological benefits open the doors to many health benefits including reduced anxiety and depression, better sleep, increased energy and vitality, stress relief, decreased pain levels and boosts in our immune systems.

Other benefits of practicing gratitude are improvement of relationships and self esteem as well as enhancing empathy and reducing aggression.

Whether its accomplished by keeping a gratitude journal, or orally reminding yourself each morning or night of 3 things you are thankful for each day, practicing gratitude is doable. Remember Oprah’s words “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough!” I need to go write in my gratitude journal. Next week, we purge our closets! XO. Penny

Resources

Life Changing Benefits of a Gratitude Practice Psychology Today

Words of Gratitude For Mind, Body and Soul by Robert Emmons

My twin sister Jill always told me I needed to dress sexier, that I dressed too conservative and classic. We had very different personalities; she was the extrovert and I was the introvert, and we chose our clothes accordingly.

Today I know that each person’s version of sexy and style must fit her personality. Bradley Bayou notes that “when it comes to dressing well, it boils down to two things: Dress to balance your body and learn to conceal your flaws and reveal your assets”. By doing this you will create a figure that looks beautifully proportioned and gets attention in the right places. That makes sense!

But, have you ever opened your stuffed closet searching for a Saturday night outfit and thought “I don’t have a thing to wear , and after age 60, comfort and style may be more important than looking sexy anyway.”

Do any of these complaints sound familiar?

1. My feet hurt; I can’t wear heels anymore.
2. No one sees me; I’m invisible.
3. I look at styles in magazines. I don’t fit in anywhere.
4. I never find anything in stores.
5. I’m bored with my clothes.
6. I don’t want to dress too young, but I don’t want to look like an old maid.

Here are some solutions I found to those complaints. Put on an outfit that you like, get out in the world and you will be taken seriously. Start with the act of wearing what pleases you and makes you happy! Women in hats get compliments like crazy (I love wearing hats!). You can be stylish and look beautiful and be comfortable. Don’t wear clothes that tug or pinch or make you second guess ordering dessert. Find stylish oxfords, flats, slip ons and sneakers instead of heels (I love my Clarks). Don’t fit in with fashion… stand out! Women over 60 have lots of stuff. Go shopping in your closet and look at it with loving eyes and wear it.

If you need some guidance, here is a list of top 10 wardrobe essentials:

1. Denim jacket: looks good with a dress, jeans, crops perfect layering piece.
2. Black pants: when in doubt, reach for black. Look for different textures (wool, faux leather) and different shapes. Wide leg pants are on trend now.
3. Dark denim: looks great with pumps, boots, sneakers. Can be casual to dressy.
4. White shirt: I am always on the hunt for the perfect white shirt. Buy one oversized, a cotton, a silk.
5. Shirtdress: this silhouette compliments every body type. Choose solid or pattern and wear over leggings too.
6. Blazer: Perfect for work, laid back weekend or dressy for a special occasion.
7. Striped tee: Sailor tee with a pair of jeans or under a blazer for casual chic.
8. Ballet flats or loafers: much more comfy than heels.
9. Vibrant scarf: in silk to dress up any outfit or cotton in a fun print for casual wear.
10. Classic pumps in black or nude are most versatile or add a pop of color for fun. Great with jeans or dresses.

Whew. I feel better already! Remember your style mixed with fashion from your closet and a few new additions from stores (I like Chicos, on sale of course) will free you, bring pleasure and make you feel visible for all the right reasons. Please share if you have a love/hate relationship with your clothes and what you like to wear. Next step is the closet purge. Stay tuned for next week’s post. XO Penny

Resources

10 Fashion Tips For Every Woman Over 60 by BrendaKinsel.com

Tips for Everyday Looks by Susanafter60.com

Style at a Certain Age by Beth Djalali

The Science of Sexy by Bradley Bayou

I wasn’t looking to adopt a dog. I was in my sixties, living alone and still working. My neighbor fosters dogs for her friend who is a dog rescuer. She invited me over to meet Lucky, her latest foster and the rest, as they say, was history.

This is Lucky’s story: He was a 13 year old Yorkshire terrier who had lived with his adoptive family since he was 3. They returned him to the pound because “he was too old”. He had one tooth (which he later lost) but was in overall good health as well as a good eater (he could gum that kibble and even steak). A city dog, he loved to walk and had a macho way about him despite his small stature!

I heard his story and knew I had to adopt him. Too old? I was getting up there in years. Would I be abandoned by my family and rehomed as well? Lucky and I were best friends for 3 1/2 years until he succumbed to kidney disease. We walked 3 or 4 times a day and spent hours cuddling on the couch. He was a great companion and I miss him terribly, especially his crooked smile and endearing tongue hanging out! I have been without him since July. But am I ready to adopt another (adult or senior) dog?

Of 7.6 million animals brought into shelters each year, 2.7 million are euthanized, a large portion being adult and senior dogs, according to Dogtime.com. Senior shelter pets are least likely to ever find a new home. It makes me terribly sad to know these poor animals are, frightened, disoriented, and waiting anxiously in their kennels for their families to come back and collect them; and sadder still to know many will never leave the shelter!

Here are 10 great reasons to open your heart and home to a senior pet:

1. Older dogs have manners. Unlike puppies, they have spent years living with a family and being socialized to a life with humans. Most are housebroken and even know some commands.
2. Senior pets are less destructive. There is no need to worry about finding your favorite pair of shoes chewed beyond recognition.
3. What you see is what you get. A senior pet holds no surprises as to how big he may get, whether his hips will be healthy. He comes with his own history which makes his future more predictable than a puppy.
4. You can teach an old dog new tricks. Older dogs are more attentive, can focus on the task, and are more eager to please their humans.
5. You can custom order your senior pet. If you need a dog that is good with cats or children, you’ll have a better chance of finding the perfect companion.
6. You can adopt a purebred dog if you want. If you are looking for a certain breed, there are so many breed rescue groups that can help.
7. Senior pets are great for older adults. Many people find the calm presence of an older pet comforting, and the fact that the pet too may be moving at a slower pace.
8. Older pets are relaxing to hang out with. They are not full of wild energy to burn, and you have more time to do fun things together or just relax.
9. Adopted senior pets are grateful for your kindness. Somehow they seem to know you gave them a home when no one else would. Your pet will show you a level of devotion unique to older pets so that you will form a close bond quickly.
10. You can be a hero to a deserving dog or cat. People who adopt older animals feel a special sense of pride and purpose in opening their heart to a hard to place pet. Doing good makes you feel good!

Every Sunday morning I watch Furry Friend Finder on CBS news. Yesterday, they featured two “teenage chihuahuas” (13 and 14) who they nicknamed the Golden Girls twinning with their tongues out looking for their forever home. I’m just not sure if I’m ready………To be continued…..

Resources

Clear The Shelters

Why You Should Consider Adopting an Older Pet-Healthypets.meriola.com