Month: June 2019

“Aging is out of your control. How you handle it though, is in your hands.”

I read this quote recently from Diane Von Furstenberg and was intrigued. There are a myriad of articles on Pinterest and online in general on the topic of aging gracefully, aging well, is sixty the new forty etc.

I began researching the topic after three incidents that occurred this past weekend. On Friday night, my No Pressure Book club got into a discussion about our aging bodies and certain changes which sometimes make us feel old and limited. We talked about how it is difficult to accept at times. Now, I am the elder in the group, the other members in their early fifties and early sixties!

On Saturday, I came to the realization that getting up from a low beach chair is no longer an easy feat for me, which was quite disconcerting! On Sunday, at a party, a new friend and I shared a secret that we had trouble arising from a standard toilet. We each have installed a high one in the bathroom. Enough said.

According to psychologists, the key to “aging gracefully” is to accept the fact that life does not stay the same and that, yes, aging can change the way we live our lives. Attitude matters a lot and if you let the negative aspects get to you, you’ll have fewer reasons to laugh. Accepting the fact that we aren’t as strong boned as we were and preparing for lifestyle changes that come with it can make aging easier to manage.

Understanding this has helped me change from Zumba classes 3 times a week to Aquafit classes which are easier on my knees. I finally accept the inevitable stiffness upon arising in the morning and try to stretch before my daily walk ( although it is not easy to get up off the floor). And at a recent wedding, I did my moves on the dance floor until my hip told me it was time. I continued “chair dancing” for the latter part of the evening. We need to make these accommodations for our changing bodies, like it or not!

In the article, Four Qualities That Help You Embrace Aging, Stephanie Raffelock talks about the word crone meaning crown and explains that an important advantage of aging is that the mark of being an elder is the crowning glory of your wise age.

As my eight year old grandson Jesse eloquently tells me “Nana, you know everything because you have lived so long!” I’m glad he thinks I’m so smart.

“You know more stuff now about what it means to fully be a human being than ever before. You’ve experienced grief, loss, failure and pain and you are still standing. You’ve learned how to hold life’s suffering and life’s joy side by side”. And you can pass this wisdom on.

Oprah Winfrey says “if you are blessed enough to grow older, there is so much to learn from people who are celebrating the process with vigor and grace”.

So adjust your attitude and don’t waste precious time fighting time. Practice these 9 things that people aging well believe are beneficial.

1. Work out to get strong not skinny. Strength and resistance training is important to build muscle and help you stay strong and independent as you age.
2. Stress less. Stress can cause aging on a cellular level, sleepless nights, skin dehydration and hair loss.
3. Let go of regrets and grudges. Consider meditating to be in the moment.
4. Learn something new each day. Stay curious and try something different. One study showed that older adults who took up a new activity for 3 months showed considerable improvements in memory compared with those who did familiar activities. I plan to learn Tai Chi.
5. Don’t overdo it with makeup. Enhance the positive rather than covering up the negative.
6. Stay positive. Complaining about your age won’t make you any younger. Choosing positive thoughts can bring benefits such as better coping skills, a better immune system and a longer life.
7. Get enough sleep. 8 to 9 hours.
8. Eat and drink for your health. The idea that you are what you eat is definitely true especially as you age.
9. Embrace your changing looks. Go silver if you dare or just be you!

“Your body is your best friend. It is the vessel that carries you through this physical world. So nurture and nourish your body. Embrace healthy habits, positive thoughts, nutritional food and daily movement. Your body tells the story of your life. So write the story you want to live! Aging Beautifully Cards, Margaret Manning.

Thanks for reading this post. I appreciate all of you! Let me know if there is a topic you would like me to address. Until next week….. Penny

Resources

What Does it Mean to Age With Grace in Your Sixties, by Joan Frances Moran sixtyandme.com

Four Qualities that Help You Help You to Embrace Aging by Stephanie Raffelock

Nine Things People Aging Well Do Differently, everydayhealth.com

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I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean; whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens; promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance… and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance…I hope you dance… from I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack

The recurring theme of the lyrics is that when faced with the choice of dancing (giving something new a try or staying stuck where you are, choose to dance). It’s a beautiful metaphor and the lyrics are inspirational. It also makes you think about the people you love in your life and their choices.

For me, the literal meaning resonates because dancing was such a part of my life growing up and it connects me to my mom, dad and twin sister who are no longer here. My parents loved to dance and were always on the dance floor together. Jill and I danced together from elementary school on. We watched Dick Clark’s American Bandstand every afternoon after school and knew all the regulars (Carmen Jimenez and Franny Giordano to name a few). I was taller than Jill and I would lead. Expert at the lindy, we would win all the dance contests at birthday parties. “It’s not fair; they practice together at home” everyone would complain. We loved it and felt lucky to be twins.

When my sister was busy, I would practice my moves with the refrigerator. My mom would say I did this on purpose always at dinner time to avoid clearing the table or doing the dishes.

As a shy child lacking self confidence, dancing was something I was good at. I could move with ease and let go of any self consciousness I felt in my everyday life.

When I began my work life as a young adult, dancing was an ice breaker at work events. Always the consummate professional at work, I was able to show another side of my personality when dancing. My adult ESL students were thrilled when I was able to learn the salsa and Cumbia and even complimented my hip action (for a non-Latina).

I recently read a book entitled Goddesses Never Age, The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality and Well Being, by Dr. Christiane Northrup and was interested in her fascination with dance. She was afraid to dance earlier in life, but at age 50 decided to learn Argentine Tango and describes how it changed her life:

“I watched a couple dancing the Argentine Tango in close embrace. The dance was so sensual, so moving that it called to me. My heart said that is what I want to do”. She described showing up for her first lesson as a clumsy beginner as much harder than medical school had ever been. She continues urging us on by saying “how many of us have held back from trying something our hearts called us to do fearing that we would be laughed at or shamed.” She admonishes us to resist this urge to sit it out and dance.

I can well relate to Dr. Northrup’s experience. After I divorced at age 52, I signed up for private dance lessons at Arthur Murray, despite my total nervousness. As she described (and I similarly felt) “I had a desire to feel this romantic dance in my mind, body and spirit. I wanted to feel the thrill of surrendering to the lead of a skillful man and for my body to know how to express the way the music felt inside me”

After much practice, my dance instructor James and I performed a rhumba and a cha cha at a local dance event. My friends and sister and brother in law were in the audience cheering me on. Perfect!

If your heart is calling you to try something new, don’t put it off. My sister Jill decided at age 50 to take vocal lessons. She loved the lessons, had an excellent voice and she and her vocal coach began doing gigs at local restaurants. They called themselves Aries 19 (all of us were born on April 19th). I even performed with them (after a lot of wine). My sister loved this part of her life, and of course had no idea that she would succumb to cancer at age 59.

I plan to continue dancing forever. Maybe I will sign up for more lessons. Or take up Tai Chi.

Inside each of us is a beautiful ballerina just waiting to get out. So help her on to the stage. Try new things, stay active, explore, sing dance and play…..Margaret Manning, Aging Beautifully

Resources

Goddesses Never Age by Dr. Christiane Northrup

I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack

Aging Beautifully Cards by Margaret Manning

This past weekend, I attended a surprise 30th birthday party in Boston for my boyfriend’s lovely daughter. I was a bit apprehensive because there would be 40 people I didn’t know (along with his ex-wife) at a waterfront bar. To make matters worse, I am still in a splint up to my elbow (which looks like I have an artificial limb, not my best look). Who would I talk to? What would I talk about?

You are probably thinking, Penny must be an introvert. She would rather stay home in her pjs on a Saturday night than go to this bar with a group of millennials. She would not like to be the center of attention; she must like to stay far away from the spotlight as she can. Truth be told, I enjoy being around people and loved wearing the huge sombrero at Maria’s Restaurant and having the entire restaurant staff serenade me with Feliz Cumpleanos (Happy Birthday) at my recent celebration.

Am I an introvert? Common introvert traits are the following:

Enjoy spending time in solitude;

Don’t prefer to be the center of attention;

Think before they speak; not talkative

Need time alone to recharge and reflect;

Can be seen as reserved;

Prefer working in a quiet, independent environment.

Yes, I can relate to those traits……sometimes.

Let’s look at the characteristics of an extrovert:

Have large social networks;

Enjoy being the center of attention;

Tend to think out loud;

Make quick decisions;

Gain energy from being around people;

Outgoing, enthusiastic and positive;

Thrive in team oriented settings.

Check, check and check………sometimes

The truth is that most of us fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. That’s a good thing considering our society is obsessed with dividing us into types.

If I am not an introvert or extrovert, could I be an ambivert, a little of both. “Ambiverts are fascinating individuals who can be excellent conversationalists as well as excellent listeners and who have many natural gifts”.

Introversion and extroversion are personality traits and are on a spectrum and no one is 100% one or other. Here are 11 signs you may be an ambivert:

You don’t shy away from attention, but it depends on the context. In some situations, you are happy quietly observing.

You enjoy being at a party in a crowd for hours….suddenly, your energy is gone and you want to leave. My daughter calls this the buzz buzz syndrome (too much noise, talking, buzzing in her head).

You prefer meaningful talk. You hate small talk.

There are limits to your social comfort zone; asserting yourself can be difficult.

You are reserved in situations if you don’t know someone well.

You like backup. You enjoy meeting new people but prefer your friends to be there when you do it.

You don’t quite fit either label, but kind of fit both.

You hang back…start out by observing people around you.

You take alone time in small doses…you need and enjoy it but one night rather than an entire weekend.

You think before you speak and listen to others first.

You balance out others around you.

Similarly, ambiverts have natural strengths, especially adaptability. They speak and listen well and get along with everyone. They are generally friendly, funny and sociable people who are able to build a strong rapport and empathize with others.

What happened at the party you ask? I positioned myself in the perfect spot-a comfortable couch right next to the Brie crackers and fruit platter and buffalo chicken flatbread pizza. I quietly observed the beautiful thirty somethings chatting it up while sipping my perfectly chilled Chardonnay, looking out on Boston Harbor and watching the passing boats. It was the perfect day for an ambivert!

Understanding your personality is a powerful tool. The more you understand yourself and your needs, the more you will thrive. Check out two personality assessments you can do for free at introvertdear.com and prevention.com Exactly How To Tell The Difference Between Introvert and Extrovert click on bottom SAPA Projects Personality test.

“Reinvention isn’t about change. It’s about discovery. It’s about learning to embrace your true self”. Aging Beautifully, Margaret Manning

Let me know what you think. Are there any topics you would like me to address. I appreciate your feedback. XO Penny

“Kindness is magical. It connects you to others, gives you a sense of purpose and reminds you what is important in difficult times.” Aging Beautifully by Margaret Manning

My 8 year old grandson asked me recently “Nana, why do you say hello and smile at everyone, even strangers”?. I told him that I am a friendly person and that it is a good way to spread kindness. I explained that you can make someone’s day a little brighter with your smile. He thought that was cool! (He is still at the age where he thinks I am so smart because I have lived so long).

Just last week, my daughter was stopped in Jesse’s school by another second grade teacher who wanted to compliment her on Jesse’s kindness. She noted, “Jesse went out of his way to help a kindergarten student in the hall who was having trouble carrying his books and project”. He walked the boy to his bus and helped him on. My daughter was thrilled but not surprised; he is very empathetic and caring.

How do we define kindness? According to the CEO of World Kindness USA, Michael Lloyd-White, kindness needs three characteristics to operate. Empathy or understanding of how another person may feel; compassion or connecting with your heart; and the courage to leave your comfort zone and dig a little deeper. Lloyd-White says if we all had a little more courage, the world would look a lot different from the way it looks today.

He also claims that kindness is now seen for what it is, no longer gender specific, benign or week and that kindness really shines when things are most dark.

My twin sister Jill was known for her acts of kindness and generosity. One specific instance comes to mind. It was the day before Thanksgiving. She was at the hair salon speaking to the new shampoo person named Farhut, a recent immigrant from Iran. He was lonely and homesick and had no plans for the holiday.

Jill invited him to celebrate with our family and he was overwhelmed with gratitude. He enjoyed the delicious feast, learned about this important American celebration, and told my sister she had given him the best day of his life! Her two daughters are carrying on her legacy of kindness!

Similarly, my son and I befriended a homeless man years ago in our town. I would make him sandwiches and my son would deliver them to the back of the mall where Elroy was living. I believe that my adult children and my grandson have continued this desire to perform acts of kindness.

However, I think we can all agree that the world needs a little more kindness, “but we are not setting up our future generations for success when we fill our world with negativity and divisiveness.” Mac Anderson, Founder of Inspire Kindness

Inspire Kindness is a lifestyle brand whose mission is to motivate daily goodness in individuals through inspiring stories and wearable messages. The online shop supports initiatives to educate and promote the power of kindness through the Kindness For Kids Foundation.

They will donate 10% of net profits from sales of the clothing, jewelry, home goods to this foundation , a public charity whose mission is to fund programs in elementary schools to teach students the power of kindness. (No more bullying?)

You can also become part of the change by joining the movement; you can sign up for free at Inspirekindness.com and receive weekly inspirational stories and ideas for being more intentional about acts of kindness. The goal is to bring people together.

If you need another reason, being kind is good for your health! There is a definite relationship between kindness and well being. The act of doing something for someone else releases endorphins and you experience the “helper’s high” which motivates you to do more acts of kindness and it is contagious. People who volunteer or help others have less depression, fewer aches and pains and are more prone to taking care of themselves physically.

Remember, every act of kindness creates a ripple with no end. We all have the power to engage, be involved and put kindness on the agenda. XOXO. Penny

Resources

World Kindness USA

The Kindness Advantage by Dr. Dale Atkins

Business wire.com. Inspire Kindness

Aging Beautifully cards by Margaret Manning