This past weekend, I attended a surprise 30th birthday party in Boston for my boyfriend’s lovely daughter. I was a bit apprehensive because there would be 40 people I didn’t know (along with his ex-wife) at a waterfront bar. To make matters worse, I am still in a splint up to my elbow (which looks like I have an artificial limb, not my best look). Who would I talk to? What would I talk about?
You are probably thinking, Penny must be an introvert. She would rather stay home in her pjs on a Saturday night than go to this bar with a group of millennials. She would not like to be the center of attention; she must like to stay far away from the spotlight as she can. Truth be told, I enjoy being around people and loved wearing the huge sombrero at Maria’s Restaurant and having the entire restaurant staff serenade me with Feliz Cumpleanos (Happy Birthday) at my recent celebration.
Am I an introvert? Common introvert traits are the following:
Enjoy spending time in solitude;
Don’t prefer to be the center of attention;
Think before they speak; not talkative
Need time alone to recharge and reflect;
Can be seen as reserved;
Prefer working in a quiet, independent environment.
Yes, I can relate to those traits……sometimes.
Let’s look at the characteristics of an extrovert:
Have large social networks;
Enjoy being the center of attention;
Tend to think out loud;
Make quick decisions;
Gain energy from being around people;
Outgoing, enthusiastic and positive;
Thrive in team oriented settings.
Check, check and check………sometimes
The truth is that most of us fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. That’s a good thing considering our society is obsessed with dividing us into types.
If I am not an introvert or extrovert, could I be an ambivert, a little of both. “Ambiverts are fascinating individuals who can be excellent conversationalists as well as excellent listeners and who have many natural gifts”.
Introversion and extroversion are personality traits and are on a spectrum and no one is 100% one or other. Here are 11 signs you may be an ambivert:
You don’t shy away from attention, but it depends on the context. In some situations, you are happy quietly observing.
You enjoy being at a party in a crowd for hours….suddenly, your energy is gone and you want to leave. My daughter calls this the buzz buzz syndrome (too much noise, talking, buzzing in her head).
You prefer meaningful talk. You hate small talk.
There are limits to your social comfort zone; asserting yourself can be difficult.
You are reserved in situations if you don’t know someone well.
You like backup. You enjoy meeting new people but prefer your friends to be there when you do it.
You don’t quite fit either label, but kind of fit both.
You hang back…start out by observing people around you.
You take alone time in small doses…you need and enjoy it but one night rather than an entire weekend.
You think before you speak and listen to others first.
You balance out others around you.
Similarly, ambiverts have natural strengths, especially adaptability. They speak and listen well and get along with everyone. They are generally friendly, funny and sociable people who are able to build a strong rapport and empathize with others.
What happened at the party you ask? I positioned myself in the perfect spot-a comfortable couch right next to the Brie crackers and fruit platter and buffalo chicken flatbread pizza. I quietly observed the beautiful thirty somethings chatting it up while sipping my perfectly chilled Chardonnay, looking out on Boston Harbor and watching the passing boats. It was the perfect day for an ambivert!
Understanding your personality is a powerful tool. The more you understand yourself and your needs, the more you will thrive. Check out two personality assessments you can do for free at introvertdear.com and prevention.com Exactly How To Tell The Difference Between Introvert and Extrovert click on bottom SAPA Projects Personality test.
“Reinvention isn’t about change. It’s about discovery. It’s about learning to embrace your true self”. Aging Beautifully, Margaret Manning
Let me know what you think. Are there any topics you would like me to address. I appreciate your feedback. XO Penny
Love this post, Penny! I never really felt I fell into either the introvert or extrovert categories and now I understand why. And happy to hear I’m not alone!
So glad you enjoyed the party!
Hi Karen. I had never heard of the term ambivert before I did the research. I am learning so much from writing these blog posts! So glad you are enjoying them. XO. Penny
It sounds like you found the best seat in the house at the birthday party! I think that the older I get the more social anxiety I have. Large groups of people tend to make me stay away. But, if there is at least one person there that I feel comfortable with I can usually handle it from a corner, I do love observation of the human species. I think you are the perfect mix of all of the groups. You are so good at appearing comfortable in any situation. Love your blog this week, I makes me think about what type of person I really am (if you have to put a label on it). I saw this and thought that it may be me at times: JOMO Joy Of Missing Out. Feeling of content with stating in and disconnecting as a form of self-care. I like that!!! xoxo Love you, hope your wrist is starting to move and feel better.
Hi Debby. I like JOMO. Such an interesting concept. I always seem to do better in a crowd when wine is involved. I had 2 glasses of Chardonnay at the party and I was really drunk. Rich’s family was making fun of me. I always was a cheap date. Love you too!