Fighting Loneliness by Making New Friends!

Find Your Tribe

“Create space in your life for the people who nourish your soul…..And take the time to cultivate new friendships. When your heart is open to others, the universe brings the right people into your life…Margaret Manning. Aging Beautifully cards.

I spoke to one of my best friends in Florida whose husband died almost 2 years ago. She described her loneliness and expressed the feeling that this year was worse than the first year for many reasons. The shock of losing her husband had worn off, as had many of her friends’ willingness to include her in their plans. She was not in a good place and I wish I lived closer to be there for her.

Another good friend had moved in the past year from Indiana to Arizona, leaving behind family and friends and a comfortable life. She lamented “I miss my family desperately. I’m trying to make new friends and life as I know it is now over. What on earth will I do next?

Both of my friends are going through major life transitions which I know and understand all too well. If you are feeling lonely, especially during these life changes, you are not alone. But perhaps loneliness is our mind’s way of telling us to get out there and engage with the world.

But the world is changing for sixty plus year old women. We no longer have the social context we previously enjoyed as a wife, parent or co-worker. As we age, forging new friendships becomes more difficult than it used to be.

Our life experience, happiness and inevitable hardships that come along with it shape the adults we become and affects our ability to develop meaningful relationships.

Despite all these challenges, it is clear that making friends and maintaining worthwhile friendships is essential after sixty: essential for our health and well being.

The good news is having an active social life after sixty is possible, but only if we take matters into our own hands and put ourselves out there. Here are some tips:

Be confident. Confidence is the key in most situations and meeting new people is no different. As adults we often lose that sense of confidence and lack of inhibition that children have in making friends. An article in Psychology Today, entitled “The Essence of Confidence” suggests “once we accept that we are in control and have the power to influence outcomes, such as making new friends, we develop a sense of confidence in ourselves and in what we have to offer others”.

Pursue your hobbies and interests: In doing so, you are sure to attract and meet people with similar interests. Meetup.com is one group trying to offer a platform for people to connect. They promote and advertise the meetup to a target group of people (e.g. beer loving bald men). Sorry, I couldn’t resist! They all meet in a public place to share a hobby or interest.

After my sister died, at my therapist’s suggestion, I joined a French conversation meetup group meeting once a week at a local Panera. It was definitely out of my comfort zone but I pushed myself and met new friends. Subsequently I started my own Spanish conversation and dinner meetup group which still is going strong today with monthly meetings. I met interesting people and greatly improved my language skills.

The Red Hat Society offers a unique friendship club with chapters across the U.S. which organizes meetings and events to help women feel connected and fights aging stereotypes.

Try a new class or activity. Explore the activities available in your community. I recently joined two new book discussion groups at my library, a thriller/mystery group and a historical fiction group. Two women were very interesting and invited me to join them for lunch after the discussion ended. Potential new friends. I previously took a series of tai chi classes offered at the library and my friend met future mah jongg friends and canasta players learning to play at the library. At the morning aqua fit classes at my gym, I have gotten to know many women who could also become potential friends. Many of these women have known each other for a long time, having taken classes together. They still invited me, a newbie, to join them for a post swim bagel!

Volunteering: a great way to use your skills and give back to a cause important to you while meeting new people. The American Red Cross and Habitat for Humanity, for example, focus on teamwork and help build friendships by having volunteers work in groups.

Forging new friendships as older adults is not always easy, but if we face our fears, explore our passions and take a chance on reaching out to others, we can do it!

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anais Nin

Blog update: Thank you to my friend and blog follower Kathy who recommended the following wonderful book related to my blog post on ageism. The Gift of Years. Growing Old Gracefully by Joan Chittister. This is why I love all your comments and feedback. Keep them coming. Second update: I adopted an 8 year old Yorkie Dachshund mix rescue and I am smitten!

Resources

You Gotta Have Girlfriends by Suzanne Braun Levine

Making Friends After 60: 6 creative Groups Focused on Creating Community Sixtyandme.com

How to Find Friends and Fight Loneliness After 60 sixty and every.com

Making Friends at 60 Senior Living Blog